Killer Queen
by edwardisaputz
Summary: Bella is a hired gun who wants her past to stay there. But life doesn't always work out how we want it. Her next target? Edward Cullen, her first love. Can she pull the trigger? AH, OOC, canon couples.Adult language, situations, and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N:** I'm floating out this first chapter to see if I should continue this story. The characters are OOC but I will be staying with canon couples. There will be lemons later if I get a big enough response.

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It's amazing how people react when they see someone standing in public half-naked and bloodied. You'd think they never saw a horror movie. The young couple who were waiting for the elevator I was on had decided to catch the next one when the door opened and they saw me leaning against the wall, my blouse an improvised bandage tired around my arm. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. I still had my bra on.

Damn, I can't believe I was so stupid. I should have taken the head shot first like they teach you to do, but no, I put two to the guys chest and when I go to get his wallet the fucker sticks me in the arm with the knife from a damn keychain gadget. Who knew he was paranoid enough to wear Kevlar on a date? I put the rest of the clip of .380 hollow points from my PPK into his fucking head on general principal. The contract didn't specify the shape his head had to be in, just that he was dead and I get the flash drives he kept in his wall safe.

Lucky for me the bastard was a sucker for cleavage and a lightweight drinker. It's amazing what a guy will tell a woman when they're drunk and you flash them some tit. This moron let out that the combo for his wall safe was his driver's license number at dinner. That made my life a hell of a lot easier. I didn't have to crack the safe, which, while I'm good at it, is a pain in the ass. Especially the keypad ones like numb nuts had. I hated lugging the extra equipment around. There are only so many places you can hide stuff when you're in a skirt and have only a clutch purse.

The elevator finally got to my floor and I made my way through the buildings garage to the black Porsche I had stashed here in the morning. I was a redhead in a business suit then. Now I was a blond in a black skirt and a now ruined low-cut black blouse. I also had a different face on both times. I had enough latex in different places each time to keep any facial recognition software from connecting the two faces right away. Having wigs styled to keep the hair in my face and avoiding the cameras as much as possible helped.

I jumped into the sexy looking 911 and made my way out of the building and headed to one of Denver's seedier neighborhoods. When I got to the Capitol Hill section I parked on Colfax and jumped out. A half naked woman on a summer night would hardly go noticed there. Even with a bloody arm.

A kid on the corner was eyeing the Porsche and me up with equal interest. I threw him the keys to keep his focus on the car. "You have twenty-four hours before it's reported stolen. Have fun." By the look on his face it would probably take that long to figure out I wasn't toying with him and just saved him a hard night of boosting Hondas.

I quickly made my way to one of the many No-Tell Motels on the Boulevard. I was looking like any other hooker on Colfax when I rented the room. Once inside I got out my first-aid kit, one could never be too careful, and went to work on my wound. I'd have Newton stitch me up later, now I just needed to stop the bleeding and clean my arm.

After a quick shower I threw on jeans and a tee, put back on my hooker face, then headed for the beat-up VW Bug that was parked in the lot. I threw my bag in and headed a few miles away to a nice, quiet residential street. There I took off the wig and the facial prosthetics then threw them in a bag with the clothes I had been wearing. They'd end up in some random 7-11's dumpster miles away from the scene of the crime. A girl can't be too careful.

I pulled into the parking lot of Denver International Airport and peeled off the thin layer of latex that was on my hands as I walked towards the entrance to the terminal. Even if they connected the VW to the killing the trail of fingerprints would stop with the car. The handy Clorox Bleach wipes I had took care of any blood evidence I left behind.

Not that my DNA is on any database, or ever will be for that matter. Same goes for my fingerprint, but I like to be cautious. The less the Jugglers had to clean up the better your standing with them. And that meant juicy contracts like this one.

See, the U.S. government has a policy against assassination. Does that mean they don't do it? Of course not. It just means there are about a million layers of deniability between the decision makers and the trigger pullers. The government grooms and trains certain people that fit a certain profile as assassins and after they are trained they are either discharged or quit their agency to go into the private sector to be used later.

People like my team and I.

After I got off the train at Concourse B I headed to my gate. A skinny brunette woman and a stocky, sandy blonde haired man came over and hugged me.

"Hey, sis. Almost thought you were going to miss our flight. Mom and Dad wouldn't have liked that."

"Mom and dad can kiss my ass, Mikey. Sometimes business dinners take longer than expected."

The brunette nodded towards my shoulder. "Looks like you had an especially rough meeting, Bella."

"Just a scratch, Jess. Mike can look at it once we get to LA."

Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley were my back-up on this assignment. They would finish the mission if I failed, but also filled in the roles of team medic and intelligence officer, respectively. They were two great operatives. The only problem was that they were balling each other's brains out when they thought nobody was looking. It was a bit unprofessional, but so far it hadn't affected their performance. The moment it did they were gone. As my arm showed, there was no room for mistakes in this business.

The flight was uneventful and we made our way to the hotel. We stopped at a newsstand along the way to get a magazine.

The magazine held the details of our next contract.

Mike tore open the plastic wrapper, pulled out a folder, and opened it as Jessica drove. "Where we headed next?"

"Forks, Washington."

You have got to be shitting me. "Where?"

He turned to look at me. "Forks, Washington. You've heard of it?"

I shook my head in disgust. "Yeah, I've heard of it. Jesus Christ, don't those idiots handing out the hits do their homework? That's my fucking hometown!"

Jess looked at me through the rearview. "What me to cancel it?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I just have to be extra careful. Let me see who the target is."

Mike handed me a picture with a stat sheet. "Hope it's no one you know. That would suck ass."

"I don't really care one way or the other. You can't have any feelings in this business. A contract's a contract, no matter who it is. Bang-bang, they're dead, we go home. Simple as that."

Mike muttered something that sounded like 'Cold hearted bitch', but I ignored it. I looked at the photo and my stomach, along with my heart, dropped to the floor. The target was indeed someone I knew. Someone I had known very well in a past life.

Edward Cullen.

______________________________________________________________________________**A/N: **Please let me know how you liked it. That will determine if I continue -Bob


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

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"So, do you know him?"

I let out a sigh at Jess's question. I knew him alright. I knew him in ways that still made me tingle to this day when I thought about it.

But I tried hard not to think about it, or him, at all. That was all a part of my past and I couldn't afford to let any of that affect me. It had to stay buried. "Yeah, I know him. Or, at least I did."

"Old friend?"

Great. Now Mike was getting in on the Twenty Questions routine. Why couldn't they just leave it alone? "Not that it's any of your business, but yes, he was a friend."

"If there is anything about your relationship with this guy that can affect this mission, then sure as shit it's our business, Bella. You of all people know that even the tiniest bit of information can have a major impact on whether or not everyone makes it home or not. Just look at your arm."

He did have a point. Overlooking any information, no matter how trivial you think it is, could cause a disaster later on. "You're right, Mike. It is your business. But I don't think it will have any impact on the mission. I'll pull the trigger and we'll go home. Everything else is ancient history."

"You loved him, didn't you?"

"At one time, yes. But that's all gone now, Jess."

"I say we call in another team. You're too close to the target."

"No, I can do it."

"I think Mike is right, Bella. Having had that close of a relationship with this guy could have an effect on your judgment. You might do something that will get you caught or killed. You can't risk either."

I let out another sigh. They were both right, but I wouldn't admit it. My stupid pride wouldn't allow me to. I was Bella Swan, the Killer Queen, the woman who took on the hardest jobs and made them look easy. "We're not dropping this contract." They both began to protest but I cut them off. "I will not let the past get in my way. I will kill this guy. End of discussion."

We drove the rest of the way to the house in Malibu we used as a base of operations in silence. No doubt Mike and Jessica were thinking that I was making a big mistake. They may be right. I couldn't get Edward out of my head.

** *

"It's for the best, Bells."

"How can you dumping me be for the best, Edward?" I pulled off the emerald ring that was on my right hand and threw it at him. "I guess that damn promise ring meant nothing then, huh? You just told me you'd marry me to get me to sleep with you, is that it?" Tears stung my eyes and ran down my cheeks but the only emotion I felt was anger.

"No! That's not true. I love you, Bella, with all my heart. It's just that with me living in Baltimore and you going to Arizona State we won't get to see each other and I don't want either of us tied down. I'll be so busy at Hopkins…"

I balled up my fists, my anger rising even more. "What's her name, Edward?"

A look of confusion came over his face. "What? Who's name? What are you talking about?"

"The tramp you're leaving me for. What's her name?"

He ran his hand through his beautiful bronze hair, a sign I was close to the mark. "Jeez, Bella, it's not like that. I'm really busy at school and we're so far away…"

I slapped him across his Adonis-like face. "What's her goddamn name, Edward?!"

He dropped his head and looked down at his feet. "Can't you just let it go, Bella? When we both get out of school we'll be together again. I promise."

"You promise? Like you promised that there would never be anyone but me? Like you promised to give me an engagement ring when I graduated high school? And now instead you're telling me you're banging some whore back in Baltimore and everything you promised meant nothing to you?" I kicked him in the balls then turned and ran away. I could hear him call after me as the tears ran harder down my face.

"Bella! Bella!"

***

"Bella, Bella, wake up. We're home."

It took me a few seconds to figure out where I was at. Seeing his picture was more upsetting than I realized. I haven't thought of that night in a long time. It was not what you would call one of my fondest memories.

After that my life really turned to shit. Instead of going to ASU I joined the Army. While in Iraq my dad Charlie, who was chief of police in Forks, was killed during a routine traffic stop that went horribly wrong. Due to the fact that I was in the middle of a sensitive intelligence operation, the Army, in all its wisdom, decided not to let me go to the funeral. Just one more thing that led to where I'm at now.

"You ok, Bella?"

"I'm fine, Jess. Just a little tired from the hit."

"He was your first, wasn't he?"

"Christ, I can't believe you're asking me that now. At least you waited until Mike was in the house."

"Well?" The goofy look on her face was priceless. I couldn't resist that playful but earnest face.

"Yes, he was my first" I said with a sigh, shaking my head and covering my eyes. "I can't believe I'm talking to you about this. I feel like I'm back in high school."

"As much as I would love to track down and kill the guy I lost my virginity to, I think this is a bad idea, Bella. I can tell you still have feelings for this guy."

"You're wrong on that account, Jess. I don't have feelings for anything anymore. I left them all in Baghdad."

I pushed past her and hurried into the house. Without saying another word I headed to my bedroom. I threw my bag on the bed and headed to the bathroom to check my arm.

After cutting the bandage off, I cleaned up the dried blood and was pleasantly surprised that the bleeding had stopped and the butterfly I put on it was doing the job. Great, no need for stitches.

I put on another bandage to be on the safe side then covered it in plastic so I could hop into the shower. Hot water and steam helped me think. And boy did I need to think.

The water felt exhilarating as I entered the shower. It seemed to wash everything away and open my mind. I was confident I could do the job. There weren't any hidden motives behind doing it and there were no emotions keeping me from not killing him. He was a target, plain and simple. Bang-bang, he's dead, we go home. End of story

At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I got out of the shower and got ready for bed. I threw on panties and a t-shirt, checked to make sure my .45 was still under the pillow, and jumped into bed. I tried to empty my head of thoughts of Edward Cullen but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

***

I bit my lip to stifle a moan as Edward took one of my nipples into his mouth. My hands wrapped around his bronze hued hair and pulled him closer to me. We had done this several times before and I loved the sensation. I didn't want him to stop.

We lay naked on his bed, his parents out of town for the weekend. I had told Charlie the oldest lie in the book: that I would be staying the night at a girlfriend's house. Tonight we would both lose our virginities.

As Edward took my other nipple into his mouth his hand glided over my taunt stomach and started to gently caress my inner thigh. My breath caught as his fingers lightly brushed my sex. With each stroke the pressure grew until he was rubbing his hand hard over my mound, his fingers sliding between my folds causing me to get wetter than I already was.

I raised my hips up to meet his hand and a finger slipped into me, eliciting a moan of pleasure. Grinding into him it went deeper into me. His thumb rubbed my clit, causing another moan to escape my lips.

Edward tracked wet, open mouthed kisses down my body as his fingers continued working their magic on my core. My muscles tightened as pressured built in my hot center. His rough, insistent tongue soon replaced the thumb, making the pressure grow. Suddenly he took my clit between his lips and I lost all control. I screamed out his name as my orgasm wracked my body.

As the pleasure he just gave me slowly ebbed away Edward kissed his way back up my body. I felt his hardness against my thigh as he kissed me fervently. "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want you to do something you really don't want to."

"This is what I want, Edward." To make my point clear I kissed him passionately and reached between us to guide his manhood to my opening. "I want you now."

Edward returned my kissed and slowly pushed the head of his cock into me. I winched in pain as he broke through my hymen. Edward tensed up over me. "Are you alright? Am I hurting you?"

"I'm fine. Just go slow, okay?"

He nodded his head and pulled out. He gently pushed back into me. After a few strokes I became accustomed to his thickness inside of me. "Faster, Edward. Faster."

Increasing his tempo I bucked my hips to meet his thrusts. I could tell by the look on his face that he was close. "Oh, god, Bella, I'm going to cum."

I wasn't even close to my climax but I wanted to feel him shoot inside of me. "Do it, Edward. Cum for me."

With a shutter he thrust into me and shot his semen deep into me. I had been on the pill since I started my period, so I wasn't afraid of getting pregnant. It felt so right to feel him like that inside of me.

He lay down beside me and pulled me over so my head was on his chest. He kissed the top of my head. "I love you with all of my heart, Bella Swan."

***

I woke up from my dream in a mixed state of arousal and sadness. The former for the obvious reasons. We had sex three more times that night. Hooray for the recuperative powers of the male teenager.

I felt the latter for having lost something as precious as first love. It leaves you jaded after it's gone and no matter how hard you try you can never reclaim the innocence and pureness of it. But a part of you always carries it with you, no matter how much you try to forget it. Edward was my one true love. As much as I deny it he still holds a piece of my heart and he always will.

At least until I kill him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Myer.

**A/N: **Please enjoy and review, even if you don't like it. All constructive criticism helps.

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I sat at the desk in my room and went over the file that was sent with the contract. Most of it, the vital statistics like birthday, height, eye color, etcetera, I already knew. The stuff that happened in the last twelve years, I didn't know. He had never married but had been engaged to a Tanya Denali, a fellow John Hopkins undergrad. Seems he knocked her up but she got an abortion and he dumped her. He had always told me he wanted lots of kids.

Oh well, at least now I had a name for the bitch he discarded me for.

At the end of the file I found the why's of the contract. It seems Edward was a brilliant researcher who, with the help of his equally brilliant father, Carlisle, who died the year before in a car accident, was on the verge of releasing a breakthrough cancer drug that would cure breast cancer and possibly several others. Since it was done without any money from the government or the drug companies, the Cullens owned all the rights to it. They then had the audacity to say that they would produce the drug themselves and only charge what it costs to produce it, roughly fifty cents a pill.

The government should be giving this guy a medal; instead they are having him killed. But who was I to say who gets whacked? Those decisions were made by people well above my pay grade.

I made a phone call and found out that my dad's house was currently unoccupied. I couldn't bring myself to sell it after Charlie was killed so I hired a management company to rent the place out. Since there was no mortgage on it, it was a nice income to supplement what little I made in the Army. After I started my current 'occupation' all the money from the house went to various police charities, especially the widows and orphans funds.

I know it sounds hypocritical that a stone cold killer would give money to law enforcement, but growing up as a cop's daughter gave me a soft spot for police officers and their families. Even though I've made quite a few women widows and numerous children orphans, I never killed anyone even remotely connected to law enforcement. I wouldn't even kill criminal defense lawyers, even though a lot of them deserve it. That was a line I just didn't cross.

And that line was definitely the direct result of Charlie being killed for just doing his job. A strung out rich kid who already had three DUI's and a drug collar driving his dad's Jag decided shooting the cop that pulled him over for speeding was the right choice. The cruiser's camera caught the car's license plate but you couldn't make out who the shooter was. The car was miraculously reported stolen minutes after the shooting by the father and ten people swore the kid was at a party in his apartment. The jury let him walk.

I didn't.

When I got back to the states eight months later I tracked the little bastard down. They never found the body. And never will. It was the only time I ever killed out of pure emotion.

After arranging for me to stay at my dad's house I headed downstairs to go over the details of the job with Mike and Jess. As I opened my door I was greeted by the sight of Mike's naked ass entering his room after sneaking across the hall from Jess's room. Not a pleasant thing to see when you first get out of bed, I'll tell you what.

I stood between both of their doors. "You two are embarrassments to the spy-assassin business, you know that? A little kid could figure out you're diddling each other. You got five minutes to get your asses downstairs to start the briefing. And speaking of asses, you better be wearing pants next time I see you, Newton."

Five minutes later they were coming down the stairs, red faced and mumbling apologies. "I really don't care that you two are fooling around with each other as long as it doesn't affect your work. Once it does you're off the team and out on the streets. Understood?"

They both nodded their heads sheepishly in the affirmative. "Good. You don't have to hide it from me but keep the PDA's to a minimum." More nods but their faces lit up at the idea they don't have to hide anymore.

"Okay, now that's out of the way let's move on. What have we got so far?"

"Well, I booked us a flight to Seattle tomorrow morning and reservations for two rooms at the Olympic Lodge in Port Angeles. We'll drive up in an SUV rented under your real name. This way if you ever get pulled over you can stick to your cover story. Mike and I will pick up a car when we get to Port Angeles."

"I made contact with our guy in Seattle and he'll have a package ready for us when we get there. It'll be the usual assortment of side arms and knives, including a PPK for you Bella."

"Thanks Mike. You guys have done a great job as usual, but I do have one wrinkle in the plan: I'll be staying at my old house in Forks."

They both looked at me like I had a second head growing out of my ear. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"It's a great idea. I don't have to worry about the hour drive and I can do some on the ground recon myself, relearn the lay of the land."

"It's a crappy idea. You'll be too exposed. People will recognize you. Do you even have a cover story to explain why after all these years you've returned to set up house and then only stay a few days?"

"Well, no, not yet." He had me there.

Mike jumped out of his chair, arms flailing about. "Jeez, Bella, this just keeps getting better and better. You're not thinking at all on this one. We need to call a Handler and get a new team in here."

"No, we don't. Trust me. I can handle this. Have I ever not completed a job and got the team home safe?"

He let out a sigh. "No."

"So relax and trust me now. Do you have any ideas on a cover story, Jess?"

"Well, the Pacific Northwest Mystery Writers Association is having a convention in Seattle next weekend. You can say you're in town for that and finally decided to visit home." She shrugged her shoulders and gave a 'how's that' look.

I gave her a big smile. "I knew there was a reason why I think you're the best intelligence officer a shooter could have." She beamed at the compliment.

"I still think it's too risky to take this contract."

"You worry too much, Mike."

"I'm your back up. It's my job to worry."

"And you're so good at it." We all laughed at that and the mood lifted a little. "Who wants Chinese?"

After the food got here we continued working out a plan. It proved to be more difficult than I thought. Going into a place they know you to do something bad is a rough proposition. Our standard operating procedures were out the window. Even if I went in with and assumed identity and a new face there was the strong possibility I'd be recognized. And being a small town a stranger would be remembered. This was a tough nut to crack.

Two hours of munching down on chow fun and egg rolls we had a plan: just wing it.

I didn't say it was a good plan.

The general idea was to go into town using the convention as cover, re-establish contact with Edward, which I was dreading, find out where he kept his research data, get it then kill him.

Simple, right?

As simple as walking on water.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

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The flight to Seattle and the subsequent drive to Port Angeles were smooth and uneventful. We picked up the weapons from our contact and decided to get a shotgun and rifle just in case. The Cullen house was in a pretty isolated area. You never know, we could possibly make it look like an accident, a stray shot from somebody plinking cans or something like that. Prior planning prevents poor performance. You always had to be ready for anything.

We pulled up to the Olympic Lodge and let me tell you that place was gorgeous. The place had the feel of a hunting lodge but all the amenities and comforts of a modern hotel. It was the best of both worlds. To top it off Jess and Mike's room had a patio that looked out into the Olympic National Forest. Even though I grew up in this area I still found it incredible and breathtakingly beautiful.

"Ok, let's go over the plan one more time before I head out to Forks."

Mike and Jess laid out folders and maps out on the table in the suite and started running down the plan.

"Your cover is you're an amateur writer attending the Pacific Northwest Mystery Writers convention trying to get some tips on writing and check on your old house. You live in LA and make your money selling real estate."

"You set up shop in your old house and scope out the town. Tomorrow Jess and I come down to do some serious recon on the target."

"If you don't run into him by tomorrow night we figure out the best way for you to meet him. Then…"

"Then I find out where he keeps all his research and kill him. I like it. It's a nice simple plan."

Mike shook his head. "I still think this is too risky."

"Like Bella said, you worry too much, Mike. She can handle this."

"And like I've said before, it's my job to worry. I just have a really bad feeling about this one."

Now it was my turn to shake my head. "Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, you need to relax. Everything will be alright."

"Really? Alright like the last two jobs? You've been getting careless, Bella. You got stabbed on the last hit and sprained your knee on the one before that. They were both mistakes that you could have avoided. And you weren't emotionally attached to those targets like you are this one. Your head isn't going to be in the game."

I let out a long sigh. He had valid concerns butI had everything under control. "Those were flukes, Mike, things that popped up that you couldn't plan for. The cleaning crew came an hour early on the one and it wasn't on any intel that the guy wore a vest on the other."

"I'll give you the cleaning crew but you should have taken a head shot on the guy that stabbed you. They constantly drilled that into us at the Farm. You know better."

"You're right; they trained us to go for the head shot. But most thugs doing a home invasion don't put two into the brain pan, they go center mass. I was trying to make it look like a simple robbery."

"What you ended up making it look like was a mess." He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head again. "The guy's head had to look like hamburger after you were done with it."

I couldn't help but smile. "Just a little bit. What can I say, the guy pissed me off. I still can't believe the fucker stabbed me with some gadget knife."

"That's my point. You let your emotions get away from you. You didn't even know this guy and you let him rattle you. Imagine what Eddie can do to you."

"His name is Edward. He doesn't like to be called Eddie."

I think I shouldn't have brought that little trivial fact up, it just set Mike off even more. He started waving his arms and storming around the room. "I don't give a hairy rat's ass if he wants to be called fucking Boo-boo Kitty. You're in too deep on this hit."

"He has legitimate concerns, .Bella. The last two jobs didn't go so smooth. Maybe you need a break. Maybe we should walk away from this one."

I let out another sigh. "I wish you two would back off on this. Yes, I had a relationship with the target. Yes, I've screwed up the last two hits. Yes, maybe I've been off my game a bit. But that does not mean I cannot do this job.

"We were trained to suppress our emotions in order to kill any target. I can still do that. I did react emotionally and put five rounds into that guy's head but it didn't stop me from completing the mission and cleaning up the scene. And, yes, I know that defeats the purpose of trying to make it look like a simple robbery. The fact remains is that I did the job and did not compromise my team. I might have jeopardized myself but my team was kept safe. Do you really think I would willingly put myself and you at risk?"

"No, but…"

"No buts, Mike. If you don't trust my judgment you need to tell me now. You know how dangerous second guessing is. I know you've both seen it in Iraq and Afghanistan. Indecision gets people killed.

"I'm not going to back out of this contract. Nothing you say will make me change my mind. I won't lie and say this will be easy. It won't. That's why I need my team one-hundred percent behind me. I won't hold it against you if either of you opt out, but you need to decide right now whether you're in or out. The time for debate is over."

"I'm in."

Mike ran his hand through his hair and let out his breathe in a huff. "I'm in."

I nodded my head. "Good. I knew I could count on you guys." I checked my watch. It was already after noon. "Okay, let me get going. I still have an hour drive ahead of me. Anything else you guys want to cover?"

They both shook their heads. "Alright, I'll give you a call when I get to the house."

** *

The one thing I did not miss about living in the area was the rain. I hated driving in the rain. At least in Southern California the rain stopped. But the downside of that was you got the second of So Cal's two seasons: fire. You didn't get wild fires too often on the Olympic Peninsula.

I called the management company the make sure that the house was ready for me. They told me the rental furniture had been delivered and they had picked up things like linens, cookware, and the normal stuff needed in a home. All I had to do was pick up the groceries, which I intended to do before I headed to the house.

Once I hit the Welcome to Forks sign the calm, peaceful state of reminiscence I was in for the entire drive flew right out the window. I could feel my pulse start to race, my chest got tight, and my hands became so sweaty they started to slip on the steering wheel. I was having a panic attack.

Christ, Bella, get a hold of yourself. I couldn't believe I was getting this rattled. Sure, I haven't been back in almost twelve years, but there was no reason for me to be this nervous.

Yes there was, but I didn't want to think about.

However, it was all I could think about.

** *

"Don't look now, Bella, but Edward Cullen is checking you out."

I smacked my best friend Angela Webber on the arm. "Shut up! He is not."

"He is too. And he's coming this way."

I turned in the direction Angela had been looking and sure enough the definition of hotness itself was coming our way. My heart caught in my throat as I took in his lithe runner's body. There was no way a hot jock like him would be coming to talk to plain old me.

"Hey, Bella."

My knees turned to butter at the sound of his silky, sexy voice. And when I looked into his eyes, oh my god, it was like looking into pools of emeralds they were so green. I think I'd have an orgasm right there in the middle of Forks High if I stared into them any longer. "Hey."

"I was wondering if you want to go to First Beach this weekend with a bunch of us."

My jaw dropped to the ground, along with Angela's. There was no way a god like Edward Cullen was asking me to go to the beach with him. I was just a dweeby sophomore and he was an uber-cool junior. "Sure, I'd love to. Can Angela come too?"

God, I hoped he said yes. There was no way I could do this alone. I needed some to pick me up when I melted at the sight of Edward's eyes.

"Sure, that's cool. The more the merrier." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's my number. Give me a call tonight and we'll figure out when I'll pick you guys up Saturday morning."

I took the paper and he gave me this super sexy crooked smile. I thought I was going to leave a puddle on the floor. "See ya, Bella."

Watching his tight ass walk down the hall clinched the deal: I was madly in love with Edward Cullen.

** *

Pulling into the Thriftway parking lot I snapped out of my reverie. The date at the beach was fantastic and I realized that he wasn't just a hot body but was truly an amazing person and I did indeed fall madly in love with him.

But that was then and this is now. My feelings meant nothing. I had a job to do and I was going to do it.

Making my way up and down the aisle I grabbed the essentials, Pop-Tarts, Rice Krispies, lunch meat, and milk then headed for the check out.

"Bella? Bella Swan?"

I turn and was suddenly hugged by a tall, skinny, dark haired woman. I took me less than a second to recognize her since she was like a second mom to me growing up. "Hi, Mrs. Weber. It's great to see you."

"It's great to see you too, hon." She held me out at arm's length and scanned me up and down. "Charlie, God rest his soul, would be so proud to see how beautiful a woman you've become."

I felt my cheeks turn rosy at her comment. And a little sadness crept across me at the mention of Charlie not being here. The loss still hurt, no matter how deep I buried it.

"And what's this Mrs. Weber crap? You too big to call me Momma W anymore?"

I couldn't help but give the woman who helped me get through the heartbreak of losing my mom at ten a big hug. "No, momma, I'm not too big. It's just been a while."

"Way too long if you ask me. I know it was hard to stay here after what happened to Charlie, but you cut off all contact with the people who loved you, Bella. That hurts us a lot. Especially Angela. You were like a sister to her."

I never thought about who I was hurting when I broke my ties from Forks and my past. I had always figured it was for the best for them. I couldn't let them see what I had become after Baghdad. I guess Edward wasn't the only reason I felt anxious about coming back after all.

"I know. It tore me up so bad losing my dad like that. I just had to make a clean break. I'm sorry I hurt you guys."

She hugged me again. "Oh, Bella, I wish I could have made it all better for you. You've lost so much in your young life.

"Where are you staying, sweetie?"

"At the house. Nobody's renting it at the moment."

"Good, good. That house needs you as much as you need it. Why don't you come to the house for dinner tomorrow night? I'll call Angela and have her come in from Seattle with the kids."

"I don't know, I'm kind of here on business and…"

"No excuses. You will be at my house at six o'clock tomorrow night or I'll come and drag you there."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'll be there, momma."

She looked over my shoulder and went as white as a ghost. I started to turn around but she stopped me. "I need to go, Bella. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"I'll be there."

She hugged me, turned and quickly went down the aisle. I turned to see what had spooked her and was suddenly assaulted by a pair of stunningly beautiful green eyes.

"Hello, Bella."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related Characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

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"Hello, Bella."

That was all he said. Two simple words. Why did my insides turn to mush and my legs turn to Jell-O?

Because it was Edward fuckin' Cullen. The one man who always had that effect on me.

"Hello." I was too stunned to say anything else.

"It's good to see you. You look great."

"Thanks. So do you." He did indeed look great. Some lines around the eyes but the just seemed to highlight how bright and beautiful they were. He still had a lithe, athletic body.

"Are you going to be in town for a while? I'd like to get together with you some time to catch up."

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Edward." What are you doing, you idiot? You're supposed to get him alone. This was the perfect chance.

He let out a sigh and ran his hand through his bronze, stylishly unruly hair. God, I loved it when he did that. It was so hot.

Dammit, Bella. Snap out of it. Stop acting like a drooling school girl.

"Look, Bella, I know that things didn't end well for us, but…"

"Edward, this is not a discussion I want to be having in the middle of the Thriftway."

His face all tensed up and he ran his hand through his hair again. It was a sign he was getting pissed, but damn, did he look hot. "As I seem to recall you didn't want to have the discussion twelve years ago either. It was easier for you to just storm off and never talk to me again instead of acting like a rational human being and talk things out."

My hands balled up into fist. Oh, if I didn't have a reason to kill him before, I sure as hell did now. "You arrogant, conceited, son of a …"

He held up his hands in surrender. "Look, Bella, I don't want to get into this here either. I just want to get together and talk. No discussing what happened in the past. It's been a long time since I've seen you and I just want to catch up on what's going on in your life."

I relaxed my hands and let out the breath I had been holding. Remember the mission. Remember the mission. "Okay. I'm having dinner at the Weber's tomorrow night. How about we meet up at the Mill Creek Sunday night around seven?"

He gave me that crooked smile that always made me all squishy. "That sounds great. I'll see you then."

He walked past me and headed towards the checkout. I turned to watch him go. God, after all these years he still had a gorgeous ass.

I got out of the store and headed for my dad's house. Flicking open my phone I hit number one on the speed dial. It went directly to voicemail. "I know you guys are probably screwing each others' brains out, but I wanted to let you know I ran into Boo-Boo Kitty and we're having drinks Sunday at nineteen hours. Plan accordingly. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Check your condoms for holes." Messing with their heads was going to be fun

I pulled into the drive and proceeded to bring the groceries into the house, which was a bit of a pain in the ass. The key for the house was in one of those combination boxes that realtors use so I had to put everything down to get the key out. After that everything went without a hitch.

After I put the food away I went to get my luggage. When I came back in with my bag it suddenly hit me. A wave of memories washed over me like breakers battering the shore. Things like Charlie teaching me how to ride a bike out front. Making a tire swing in the backyard. My mom making hot cocoa for me after a day of playing in the snow. Things that made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Things that made me feel like I was at home and loved.

I started to walk through the house, taking everything in. It was difficult to explain what I was feeling. Everything was different, the paint, the furniture, the drapes, but it was the same, too. It was like no matter how much it changed it was unchanged. Like I said, it was difficult to explain. The one thing I was certain of was that this would always be my home, my safe harbor.

I went upstairs to my old bedroom and received a bit of a shock. Even though you could tell it had been recently painted, the room was still the pale yellow color it had been when I left for the Army. It was as if I was sucked back in time. Who said you could never go home again?

The bed was already made up so I decided I needed a nap. I was exhausted. This day had taken a lot more out of me than I had realized.

** *

Edward stood on the porch, leaning into me, one arm against the house, and the other hand in his pocket. His face was dangerously close to mine. "I had a fun time at the beach today. Thanks for inviting me, Edward."

"No problem. I had a great time too." He pulled his hand out of his pocket and ran his fingers through his unruly bronze hair. He leaned a little closer. My insides got all squishy.

His lips brushed tenderly against mine. The kiss became more urgent. His tongue slowly traced my bottom lip. My lips part to accept his tongue into my mouth and…

The front door suddenly swung open. "What the hell's going on out here?!"

Edward jumped away from me. "Oh, shit!"

"Oh shit is right, son. You're about to be in a world of it."

"Please, Mr. Swan, we…"

"That's Chief Swan to you. Who the hell are you?"

Edward's face went a ghostly pale. I just stood there in shock as he tried to explain himself to my uniformed, and armed, father.

"Um, ah, I'm Edward Cullen, sir. I'm a, uh, friend of Bella's. We were, umm, ah, I mean, I was just saying goodnight to Bella and thanking her for a wonderful time today."

"Uh huh. Sure, right. Well, I'm sure Bella had a wonderful time too. 'Night, Edward." With that Charlie shoved me inside the house and slammed the door in Edward's face.

To say I was mortified would have been the understatement of the millennium. "Dad, how could you embarrass me like that?"

He took off his gun and locked it in the gun cabinet. "I'm your father. It's in the job description."

"That's not funny. Now it's going to get all over school that I have a freakazoid father and no boy is going to come within a hundred miles of me.

He eased himself into his Lazy Boy and turned on ESPN. "Then my mission was a success." I saw the smug smile on his face.

I let out a huff. "Still not funny, dad. I really like this guy, but no way is he going to want anything to do with me now. Thanks a lot." I threw myself down on the couch and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Don't worry, Bella. He'll be back."

"No he won't. You scared him off."

"I can guarantee you that he'll be back."

"What are you going to do, go pick him up in the cruiser and bring him here?"

Charlie let out a little snicker. "No. I just know I haven't seen the last of that boy darkening my door step."

"How can you be so sure he'll be back?"

"Two reasons. One, you're a beautiful girl, Bella. I'm going to have to get used to boys clamoring over you. I might have to breakout the shotgun to chase them all away."

I couldn't help but blush and laugh a little. "What's the second reason?"

"The second reason was that he stood his ground and tried to take the blame himself. It shows character. I don't think that boy is going to let something as minor as an armed father get in his way of being with you. And that's the reason I don't like the little punk."

** *

I woke up with a smile on my face thinking of Edward and mine's first kiss and his first meeting with Charlie. He was really a hard ass towards him in the beginning but Charlie ended up really liking Edward. They even watched sports together.

That is, until he dumped me. Then if Edward so much as did one mile an hour over the speed limit he got a ticket. He once threw a soda bottle at a trash can and it bounced out. Before he could pick it up Charlie gave him a ticket for littering.

Edward never complained or fought the tickets. Charlie had once told him if he ever hurt me he would make his life hell. I guess he just accepted the harassment as due punishment.

I made my way down to the kitchen and fixed myself a big bowl of Rice Krispies. I plopped myself on the couch and turned on the TV. I needed to figure out what I was going to do with Edward on Sunday.

I was not really looking forward to that conversation. 'So, Bella, what have you been doing the last twelve years?'

I can only image the look on his face if I told him the truth. 'Gee, Edward, after you broke my heart I joined the Army. They sent me to Baghdad were I was raped and almost killed on a mission. That's ok though because the CIA tracked my attacker down and we executed his entire family in front of him before I finally put a bullet in his head. It was all done in the name of intelligence gathering of course. Nothing personal. After that I became a heartless bitch who commits murder for hire. How about you?'

Yeah, I think that would definitely be a conversation killer.

Another thing that I'm dreading is that even though he said it wouldn't; what happened in the past would surely come up. He had to know me better than that. Plus there's that whole 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' thing. I'm afraid I might bust a cap into his ass right in the bar. There's always that possibility.

I shook my head to clear out stupid thoughts like that. Those were things that led to rash choices and bad decisions. They got people dead.

What I needed to focus on was how to get invited back to Edward's house without it looking like I'm throwing myself at him. Although why would that really matter anyway? I was going to kill the guy right? Who cares what he thinks.

The problem was that I did care what he thought. I cared a lot more than I wanted to admit.

Maybe Mike was right. Maybe I was in this one too deep. Maybe we did need to call in a new team.

Shit. What have I gotten myself into?


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: **Special shout out to Hope4more who has helped me out on this story by going over my writing and giving me ideas and atta-boys even though she's been super busy and sick as hell. Thanks a bunch for helping me get this out of my head-Bob

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I woke up the next morning still feeling torn, but I had made a decision. For whatever reasons, fate has brought me to this point in my life. My past and present have collided and I had to make a choice between the two. It is a tough decision, but it is the only one I could really make.

I was going to kill Edward Cullen.

In order for me to continue down the path I had chosen I needed to do it. I could not show any weakness or the vultures would swoop down on me. Completing this contract will show them without a shadow of a doubt that I was indeed the Killer Queen. Guaranteed to blow your mind.

All feelings about Edward, negative as well as positive, had to be put out of my mind. I had to take this like any other hit and not let any emotion at all get through. My game had been off the last two hits and if I blew this one I was done. All the choice big money contracts would be gone. And if I did get any more work it would be piddling crap a rookie could do. I worked too hard to get where I was to let it slip all away do to a relationship that was over long ago.

I got dressed and headed out for a run. Of course it was raining, but since it was a light misty rain I didn't let it stop me. If you waited for the rain to stop here on the Peninsula you would never get anything done.

I jogged over to the 101 and immediately knew where I had to stop for coffee. I couldn't believe I missed it yesterday. The place was called A Shot in the Dark. How appropriate was that? It was one of those small drive-thru places so I just ran up to the window and got a huge café latte.

I started walking back down the 101, happily sipping my coffee as I went along. The rain had stopped and it was turning into a nice, albeit cloudy, morning. I noticed a police cruiser had a car pulled over. As soon as saw the car I stopped dead in my tracks. It was a green Jaguar XK8.

The same car Charlie's killer drove.

***

The fluorescent lighting in the small windowless room washed out the bastards already pale skin, giving it an unnatural, almost glowing effect. His head lolled from side to side and a low groan escaped his mouth. The effects of the sedative were beginning to wear off.

His eyes flicked open and he looked around the room, confusion and fear on his face. "What the hell happened? I remember getting in your car and then everything went black. How the fuck did we get here?"

He tried to stand but found he couldn't. He looked down to see the ropes holding him tight to the chair. "What the fuck's going on? You some kind of kinky psycho bitch?"

Before I even realized what I was doing the barrel of my Sig connected with his jaw. The sound of metal impacting on flesh and bone was sickening, but the action was strangely satisfying. Like when I watched them torture the bastard that raped me. It had both repulsed and thrilled me.

He brought his head back up to look at me and I placed the gun to his forehead. God, how I wanted to pull the trigger. But something was stopping me. I started shaking.

"Why don't you put that thing away before someone gets hurt, huh? Whatever it is you think I did to you, I'm sorry. My dad's got a shit load of money, I'm sure we can figure something out."

"You made me an orphan. I don't think your daddy's money can fix that."

His eyes went wide. "You're that cop's daughter. Hey, I was found not guilty. There's no reason for you to do this to me. The system says I didn't do it."

That's what was holding me back. Charlie was a part of the system. He played by its rules. He would be so disappointed in me for wanting vengeance instead of justice, for not following the rules.

I pulled the gun away from his head and let it drop to my side. "I'm going to cut you loose. Don't try anything funny. I've killed a man before so I have no problems firing this weapon. The only reason I'm letting you live is I don't want to dishonor my dad."

He stood up and started rubbing his jaw where I hit him. I knew I shouldn't ask the question but I needed the answer. "Did you do it?"

He locked eyes with me for a minute then snorted. "What the fuck, they can't retry me. Yeah, I did it."

Forgive me, Charlie.

I put a bullet through his left eye.

***

I shook myself out of my memories and started back towards the house. After I killed my attacker in Iraq I cried for two hours when I got back to base. I couldn't bring myself to shed a tear for the piece of shit that shot Charlie.

I didn't kill him out of vengeance. I killed him out of pure hatred. He had defiled the system my father had spent his whole life upholding. He deserved to die.

That day I didn't ask Charlie to forgive me for killing his murderer; I asked him to forgive me for what I knew I was becoming. Someone on the other side of the law.

A killer.

Just as I got in the door my cell phone rang. It was Jess. "'Bout time you guys got done playing hide the salami."

"Hey, you were the one who gave us the day off. So what if we spent it indoors."

"Man, you guys should have gone out into Olympic and done it like they do it on the Discovery Channel."

"You're a riot, Alice."

"I know. So what's up?"

"We're getting ready to head your way. Going to check out Boo-boo Kitty's place then pop into the local diner and see if we can get the local gossip on him."

"Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow at your place."

I made myself a couple Pop-tarts and headed up to my room. I needed to pull out something to wear to the Weber's tonight. Everything was probably wrinkled to hell so I most likely need to iron. I hated doing domestic shit.

Grabbing the clothes and my travel iron, I headed for the stairs but something stopped me. My attention was drawn to the closed door across the hall. I suddenly realized I had been avoiding even looking at that door, much less going through it.

It was the door to Charlie's room.

I continued on down the stairs, not yet ready to face that ghost.

The ironing went pretty well despite the fact I hate doing it and sucked at it. I could never get the pleats right.

I went upstairs again, this time consciously avoiding looking at Charlie's room. Like I said, I wasn't ready to face that ghost yet. Maybe tomorrow I would go to the cemetery. I'd face it then.

At least I would try to.

The day flew by and the next thing I knew it was time to go over to the Weber's. I swung by the Thriftway to pick up a cake and headed on over.

I was a little nervous as I rang the bell. It had been such a long time since I had seen them and so much had happened to me. The Bella they knew was long dead and buried.

The door swung open and I was immediately hugged by Angela. "Bella! It's so great to see you. How have you been?"

"I've been good. How about you?"

"Good, good. You look fabulous."

Mamma Weber ran up and gave me a hug. "Oh, Bella honey, you look wonderful. I'm so glad you came."

I smiled at her. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

They ushered me into the living room where I met Angela's three kids. She had two boys, Ben, Jr., 8, and Michael, 3, and a little girl, Casey, 6. They were completely adorable. Her husband, Ben Cheney, who was her high school sweetheart, was out of town on Business.

We talked about what we had been up to and I felt bad that I had to lie through my teeth. But I really couldn't come out and tell them the truth, could I? That would be great dinner time conversation.

We sat down to eat. Mamma went all out. She made homemade stuffed shells, meatballs, and garlic bread. I knew from past experience that it all would be delicious.

Angela dug into the salad and gave me a sly smile. "So, Bella, I heard you ran into Edward yesterday? How'd that go?"

I couldn't help but to chuckle and shake my head. "Not so good. Did she also tell you that she didn't warn me that he was there so I could avoid him?"

Mamma shrugged her shoulders. "What was I going to warn you about? He just walked up. Besides, you two needed to see each other. The biggest mistake in both of your lives was the two of you breaking up. You were made for each other. I thought maybe…"

I held up my hand and shook my head. "Not going to happen, Mamma. All the king's horses and all the king's men aren't going to put that relationship back together again."

"But you are going out for drinks tomorrow night."

"Momma! Were you listening in on us?"

Angela slapped her mother on the arm with her napkin and gave her a shocked look. "I can believe you did that."

She shrugged her shoulders again. "What? So I listened in a little. They were in the middle of the Thriftway. It wasn't like I was listening through a keyhole or something."

I couldn't help laugh. "You're too much, Mamma."

We talked and laughed until about midnight. I headed home and couldn't help but think of what Mamma Weber had said.

You were made for each other.

Maybe we were at one time, but not anymore. He had torn a hole in my heart that never completely healed. I only loved one other man in my life, but I wasn't able to give all of myself to him because of what Edward had done to me.

That combined with the fact that I was hired to kill him made for pretty big roadblocks to a lasting relationship.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Meyers.

**A/N: **While not graphic this chapter does include the rape of Bella and the murder of young children. If you do not feel comfortable reading those scenes (they are small) I will be more than happy to pm you an edited version if you'd like. Thank you-Bob

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I woke up and went out for a run. I did the same thing I did yesterday; ran the mile or so to the coffee place and then just walked back home. I wasn't really looking for a workout; I just wanted to get the blood flowing.

After taking a quick shower I jumped into the rental to get on the road. Before I made my way back up to the Olympic Lodge, I had to make one stop.

The cemetery.

I parked the rental and headed over to Charlie's grave. I was surprised to see a rather fresh bouquet of lilies next to the headstone. I wonder who could have left them.

I knelt next to the grave. "Hi, dad. Hi, mom. Sorry I haven't visited. I know I'm a horrible daughter. At least somebody else took up the slack and put flowers on your grave. I want to be that daughter, but I can't. I don't know why, but I just can't."

"I miss you guys so much. Especially since I never got to say goodbye to you, dad. That still eats away at me. At least with mom I got to say it and be there for her. I couldn't be there with you. I abandoned you because of my own stupid problems; I couldn't handle being in Forks anymore. I left you and you died. All because I couldn't face Edward."

"It's sad that the two times I've come here to visit since your death it's only to beg your forgiveness. Forgiveness I don't deserve, but something I desperately yearn for. I still haven't said goodbye yet. I haven't even really cried for you yet. You've been gone ten years and I never mourned for you properly. I just keep asking you for the one thing I don't deserve. Absolution."

I leaned over and kissed both their names, then stood up. "I love you both. I just wish I could have been a better daughter. You deserved so much better than me. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

I got into the car and leaned my head back on to the headrest. When did everything go so fucking wrong?

The memories started to creep in. I tried to stop them, but they kept coming.

_I remembered sitting on my bunk shaking in rage at being turned down for emergency leave. They told me I was too important to the mission. The contact would only deal with me. I still had not even processed the fact that my dad was dead. I hadn't even cried yet and they wanted me on a mission? That was insane._

_The next day I went to meet the contact, clothed properly and wearing a hijab to blend in. I should have never been sent on that mission. The news of Charlie's death had me so rattled I missed the warning signs and walked right into a trap. The reason they wanted me there was that they wanted a female soldier as a hostage. They snatched me before my back-up team even had a chance to move._

_For three days I was beaten and raped by the leader of this particular cell. On the fourth day a SpecOps team came in and rescued me. Unfortunately the bastard who raped me wasn't there at the time so he survived the raid._

_While in the hospital I was visited by a CIA case officer I had worked with before who went by the name of Jim Rollins. He told me that they found my attacker and were going to go 'deal' with him. He asked me if I wanted to come, but warned me that it was going to be a black bag op. That meant somebody was going to meet Allah and it wasn't going to be pretty._

_I jumped at the chance. I was teeming with anger and hatred. The bastard had to pay._

_Four hours later I was standing in the living room of my rapist staring at him, his wife, two sons, and a daughter tied to chairs. Rollins beat on him for awhile and when he couldn't get the answers he wanted he threatened to kill the family, starting with the oldest son, the pride of a Muslim household. He gave him an answer but it wasn't the one Rollins wanted to hear._

_He shot the boy in the head. He couldn't have been more than twelve._

_He went over to the next son and asked the question again. This time he gave the right answer._

_Rollins shot the boy anyway. He then shot the wife and daughter. He then told the now screaming man that that was what happened if you raped an American soldier_

_Rollins then handed the gun to me and told me to kill him. Without hesitation I raised the weapon and emptied it into his head and chest._

_For the entire ride back to base I was just numb, I didn't feel a thing. Then I got back to my bunk and saw the Red Cross message about Charlie again. That's when I started to cry._

I really didn't know what I was really crying over. Yes, part of it was Charlie, but most of it was the shooting. It wasn't that I killed him; he deserved it. The thing was that I had no emotion at all when I did it. I wasn't scared, nervous, anything. I didn't even feel any of the hate I'd had before. Killing him just seemed like the natural thing to do.

That was the thing that upset me the most. It was so easy to do.

And after I shot Charlie's killer it just got even easier.

The thing that upsets me now is I don't get upset over how easy it is anymore. I haven't shed a single tear since that day in Iraq.

Not even over my parent's grave.

Looking at what I had become, who was I to ask forgiveness? I didn't deserve anything… from anyone. Especially the two most important people in my life.

I deserved nothing because I gave nothing. I only took. What kind of monster was I?

I pulled away from the cemetery and headed towards Port Angeles.

The hour ride did nothing for the mood I was in. My self-pity had turned into anger, which was no surprise. Anger seemed to be the only emotion I could show.

As I pulled into the lodge's parking lot I called Jess. I wanted to make sure I didn't walk in on anything. I didn't want to lash out at them.

At least not for the fucking thing. We were in a high stress, very insular business. They needed an outlet. I was sure I'd probably find something else to bitch at them about.

I walk in the door and headed to the table where they had files and maps spread out. I stayed focused and was all business. "So what did you guys find out?"

Mike handed me a pile of pictures. I was guessing they were of Edward's house. It was a huge Victorian with a wraparound porch. It was gorgeous. "This is Boo-Boo Kitty's house." He gave me a sly smile. "Very funny using that as a codename, by the way. Anyway, this guy likes his security. He has cameras and motion sensors on the house, along the drive, and it looked like he had some in the wood line around the house. Real hardcore. With that stuff on the outside, I bet he's got a state-of-the-art system wired up in the house. Probably more cameras in there as well. It won't be an easy nut to crack if we have to do a surreptitious entry."

"See if you can find out what type of system he's got. That way we can at least know what we're up against. What have you got Jess?"

"Well, I ran into Mr. Kitty and let me just say he's scrumptious."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Isn't he though? He's got an ass you could just…"

"Á-hem. If you ladies don't mind, I'd like to keep this focused on the mission." He seemed a little miffed. Ol' Mikey was the jealous type.

Jess blushed a little. "Sorry, Mike. Anyway, I ran into him at coffee shop and I got some scoop from the counter girl. He's never been married, doesn't have a girlfriend anyone knows about, making some people think he's gay, and he lives in that beautiful house all by his lonesome. I also found out he drives a 2000 silver Volvo."

I couldn't help but let a little smile cross my face. We made a lot of fond memories in that car. "Okay, that was great work guys. Mike, tonight take a walk in the woods and get a better look at what we're against security-wise. Jess; see if you can dig up plans for the security system that's in the house online. They had to have filed plans to get a permit. Also, see if you can find a floor plan to house as well."

I looked at my watch. "I should probably head back and start to get ready for tonight." Mentally as well as get dolled up. Awkward wasn't even going to describe tonight.

As I was headed out of the room, Mike called after me. "Oh, and the hole in the condom voice-mail? Not funny at all."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I thought it was hilarious."

I put on some Vivaldi as I headed back to Forks. The wonderful soothing strings combined with the majesty of the temperate rain forest that surrounded me transported me to another world. I was almost ready to face Edward tonight.

Almost.

I was still little nervous. I mean, who wouldn't be? This was the guy who took my virginity and then threw me away. Ok, it was almost a year later when he dumped me but that's how it felt to me. What can I say? I have issues.

I pulled up to the house and headed up to my old room to see what I was going to wear. I still couldn't bring myself to look at Charlie's room.

A half hour later I had it down to black slacks with a lacey black blouse with Louboutin fuck-me pumps or a red mini with Manolo ankle boots with stiletto heels. I think I'll go with the slacks. Don't want to go too slutty. Might give the guy the wrong idea. I wanted to get close, but not that close.

I French braided my hair and did my make-up. I put on the outfit I had picked out and if I did say so myself, I looked pretty damn good.

On the drive over to the Mill Creek Bar and Grille my nervousness started to creep back in. Was I going to be able to handle this? Would I lose my cool like I did in the grocery store? Would I kill him in front of a room full of witnesses?

It was anybody's guess. Who knew what the night may bring. God only knows…

And she's not telling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyers.

**A/N: **Here's what you been waiting for: Bella and Edward out for drinks. Enjoy-Bob

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I pulled into the parking lot of the Mill Creek about ten to seven. I wanted to get there a little early and have a shot or three to calm my nerves. Lord knows I needed it.

Opening the door I was assaulted by the stunning green eyes of Edward Cullen sitting at a table waiting for me.

Shit.

There goes my chance of getting some liquid courage into me before this train wreck started. "Hello, Edward. You look nice this evening."

And boy did he. He was wearing a hunter green polo that clung to his frame in all the right places and brought out his eyes fantastically. As Jess said, he was just scrumptious.

"Thanks. And you look fantastic tonight. I always loved it when you put your hair up like that."

I could feel the blush creeping across my face. I hadn't put my hair up in a French braid in years. Did I subconsciously do it because Edward had liked it in the past? Fan-fucking-tastic.

Edward held my chair for me like the perfect gentleman he always was. Manners were something his parents, Eseme and Carlisle, had instilled in him from a young age.

"So, Bella, what brings you back home after all this time?"

"There's a writer's conference in Seattle next week that I'm attending and decided since I was in the neighborhood I'd come visit the old hometown."

"Oh, so you're a writer?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. It's just a hobby. I buy and sell real estate as a business. I just thought it would be fun to go to the conference. And since the house was empty, I decided to stay there for the week."

He gave me a crooked smile, the one that always made me melt. "Well, I should send the organizers of the conference a fruit basket or at least a thank-you card for getting you to finally come back. Everyone's missed you, Bells."

"Don't."

The smile went away. "Don't what? Call you Bells?"

"Yes. You lost that right a long time ago. And don't give me the 'we missed you' bullshit. You probably haven't thought of me since you dumped me. I know I haven't you."

He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. "I guess we can mark time 'heals all wounds' as another useless cliché. All its done for you is made you an unforgiving bitch."

"And made you into a pompous prick."

"Look, Bella, like I told you in the store, I don't want to rehash what happened between us. I just want to find out what you've been up to and how you've been. Contrary to what you believe, I did miss you. You'll always have a special place in my heart."

I was going to give him a wise ass retort but I thought I better cool it. After all, I did want to get invited to his house in the next few days. "You're right. I need to let go of the past. I apologize for being a bitch. I'm a little emotional today. I went to my parents' grave and…"

"I try to get there every couple months or so and put out some flowers."

So he was the one bringing the flowers. I'll be damned. "That's awfully nice of you, Edward. You don't have to do that."

"I know. But I want to. I always liked your dad. Even if he did keep a grudge like his daughter. I guess that's where you get it from."

He gave me that damn smile again. I have no defense against it. I couldn't help but let out a little laugh. "Yeah, Charlie was a piece of work. I heard he made your life a living hell every time you came back to Forks for those two years."

It was his turn to laugh. "That he did. I thought riding my bike instead of driving would get me out of a few tickets, but he found some obscure laws about that and gave me a shit load of tickets for those offenses."

The waitress, a really attractive blonde who couldn't keep her eyes off of Edward, brought us our drinks. A Manhattan for me and Fat Tire ale for Edward. "I'm sorry about that. You shouldn't have had to put up with Charlie harassing you like that."

"That's okay. He was just sticking up for his little girl." He let out a chuckle. "And it wasn't like he didn't warn me. He told me in no uncertain terms that he would make me regret ever hurting you. And he lived up to his promise."

I decide it was time to change the subject before it turned back on us. "So how's Esme doing?"

He took a long pull on his drink and looked at the table, sadness filling his beautiful eyes. "She died about six years ago."

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

He let out a long sigh. "The cancer came back and this time it was inoperable. Chemo didn't work this time either."

Two conflicting emotions hit me at the same time. The first was anger at the moron who put together the mission dossier and forgot to put in that his mother had died. The other emotion was sadness. Esme was a wonderful woman who had treated me like her own daughter. She even tried to stay in contact with me after Edward left, but I cut off contact with everybody after Baghdad. I wished I hadn't now. The world was a less bright place without her.

I reach over and took his hand into mine. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I know she meant the world to you."

"She was the reason I followed Carlisle into doing cancer research. If we couldn't save her, at least we could save the other mothers and sisters of the world."

"Esme would be so proud of you."

"I hope so. Now, enough of the darker side of life. What have you been doing all these years? Did you find someone and get married?"

I pulled my hand away from his when he started stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. Way too intimate for me. "No. Got close once, but past…issues got in the way and I broke it off before he could ask. I could never give myself fully to him. He deserved better than being second place in my heart. Nothing ever serious after that. I've had enough of love kicking my ass to last a life time."

Why the hell did I just tell him that? He doesn't need to know how fucked up my personal life is. He may have been the cause of it but he still didn't need to hear about it.

I looked up into his eyes and saw the pain and regret. He started to open his mouth to speak but I had to stop him. I didn't want his apology or excuses. "So, what about you? You ever get hitched?"

"Like you I got close once but couldn't seal the deal. I asked her to marry me for all the wrong reasons, thinking they were the right reasons at the time. Then she did something horrible and I knew I never really loved her. At least not like I loved…" He dropped his eyes from mine and let the unsaid words linger between us.

"Was she the reason you left me?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long breath. "Are you going to kick me in the balls again or are you going to listen to everything I have to say first this time?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Depends on whether I get pissed off or not."

"Well, try not to get pissed. My balls still hurt from the last time."

We both couldn't help but laugh at that. I did give him a good shot.

"No, she wasn't the reason I broke up with you. There was no one else, Bella. I dated her way after you. I had meant what I said about the distance being stressful on our relationship. We would both be so busy with school that we would never see each other and it wouldn't be fair to either one of us to languish in a relationship like that. We needed to be open. I had the full intention of marrying you after I finished med school. I didn't mean to hurt you, Bella."

"That was the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard in my life! I should kick you in the balls again. You can rationalize it all you want, but it still boils down to the fact that you wanted to hunt pussy off the reservation, Edward. You ruined my life because you wanted a guilt-free piece of ass."

Edward's voice rose to match mine. We weren't yelling yet but we were well on our way to it. We were becoming the focus of the bar. "I did what I thought was the best for both of us at the time. And don't go all melodramatic on me with that 'you ruined my life' shit. You were a big girl and made your own decisions. I didn't force you to join the Army instead of going to college or not get married."

"No, you didn't, Edward. But I did join the Army to get away from you. And if I hadn't I wouldn't have ended up in that shithole Iraq and I wouldn't have missed my father's funeral, and I wouldn't have been raped, and I…"

The look of horror in his eyes cut me off from going any further, which I'm glad it did. I had no idea what else was going to spill out of my mouth. I stood up and grabbed my bag. I pulled out a Twenty and threw it on the table. "I think I better get going."

My whole body was shaking as I turned and left the bar. My heart was racing. I can't believe I had lost it like that. Well, that's not true. I could believe it. Anger was the one emotion I had no difficulty showing. In fact, it was the only emotion I ever really showed that wasn't an act.

What a sad little person I was.

My head was pounding and I was starting to feel dizzy. Christ, I only had one drink.

"Bella! Bella, wait! Please don't leave yet."

Edward came running over to me. My pulse was pounding in my ear. I couldn't catch my breath. I put my hand in to my bag, searching for my keys, but my fingers brushed over the handle of the Walther. I so wanted to take it out and shoot him, end my pain. That's what I'd be doing, killing the source of all the pain in my life. It wouldn't matter if I went to jail. He would be gone. He wouldn't hurt me anymore.

I pulled the gun out and fired.


	9. Chapter 9

As I put a bullet into the source of all my problems the world went blewie and I went ass over tea kettle towards the ground. I just closed my eyes and waited for the thud

But something stopped me and lowered me gently to the ground. It must be my guardian angel.

Suddenly someone pulled up my eyelid and there was a blinding light. I swatted at it. "Hey, knock it off. That shit's bright."

I tried to get up but a hand pressed me back down. "Just lay down, Bella. I want to get you vitals."

Edward? It couldn't be. I shot him.

Did I miss?

I opened my eyes to see that Edward was now wearing a stethoscope and had a blood pressure cuff around my arm."What's going on? Why do you need my vitals?"

'You've had some kind of fainting spell. One moment you were pointing your keys at me then your eyes rolled up into the back of your head and you started to fall. Luckily I was close enough to catch you before you hit the ground."

Well. It seemed like me and reality took a little break from each other. I didn't shoot Edward after all.

At least not yet anyway.

I started to try to get myself up but Edward stopped me. "Let me help you up."

He pulled me up and the world started spinning. I grabbed his arms tight as it felt like I was losing my balance. "Whoa."

He looked at me with a look of genuine concern on his face. "Have you ever had any episodes like this before, Bella?"

I shook my head no and regretted it the instant I did it. I had to close my eyes and hang on to him again. "No. This is the first time."

"How were you feeling before you fainted?"

"I was fine until I got outside. Then my head started throbbing and I got a little dizzy. Just before I fell I couldn't seem to catch my breath. What happened?"

"Well, going by your symptoms, I'd say you had some sort of panic attack."

"A panic attack? No way. I'm not a panic attack type of person."

"Stress does strange things to the body, Bella. You had said you were feeling very emotional today. Our, um, discussion, seemed to be the last straw and triggered it. Of course, I can't be totally sure without running some tests."

"Edward Cullen, are you trying to play doctor with me?"

There was that smile again. God, even now feeling like shit it turned me on. "At least this time I really am a doctor."

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. I had some very vivid memories of us playing doctor that still made me squishy. "Thanks for your help. I guess I better be heading home now."

"I'll take you home."

"That's not necessary. I'm fine."

"It wasn't a request, Bella. Either I drive you home and re-check your vitals or I call the ambulance and take you to the hospital and run those tests to make sure it wasn't anything serious now instead of tomorrow. Your call."

"Who said anything about agreeing to any fucking tests?"

"Such a potty mouth." He pulled out his cell phone. "I guess that means we go the ambulance route."

I snatched the phone out of his hand. Which he promptly snatched back. "I'm not going to any damn hospital or taking any stupid tests. You can't make me go."

He gave me that damnable smile again. "No, I can't. But what I can do is tell the nice ambulance driver that as a doctor it is my medical opinion that you are a danger to yourself and I can have you carted away and held for seventy-two hours".

Oh, how I wish I had really shot him.

"Or I can take you back to your house, check your vitals and have you come to my office tomorrow for the tests. Again, your call."

"Fine. Take me home." I turned to my car.

"That's my girl."

I spun on him and instantly got lightheaded. I fell into his chest and he grabbed my arms to hold me up. Our faces were dangerously close to one another's. "I'm not your girl."

I wanted it to come out in a growl but it came out in a whisper. God, he was beautiful.

He looked at me and I could see the sadness and regret in his eyes. His voice came in a whisper as well. "It's only a saying, Bella."

Edward straightened me up and grabbed his doctor's bag off the ground. We got in my car and travelled the short distance to my house in silence.

Before I realized what was going on Edward was opening the car door and helping me out. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, didn't get dizzy getting up this time."

"That's good. Now let's get you into the house so I can get your bp, pulse rate, and check your pupils again."

We entered the house and sat down at the kitchen table. Edward pulled what he needed out of the bag."I guess you were right after all."

I arched my eyebrow at him. "About what?"

"Meeting tonight not being such a good idea."

"Humph, I always told you you should listen to me more."

"I seem to recall the last time I listened to you we were almost arrested for skinny dipping in the Johnson's pool."

I lit up at the memory of the two of us jumping over fences naked and try to get our clothes back as people flicked on their lights and started yelling at us as we ran through their backyards. "We wouldn't have been caught in the first place if you didn't get the bright idea of jumping up on the deck and showing your all to their next door neighbor."

"How was I supposed to know she was going to get up and get a glass of water at the same time I was going to do my sexy dance for you?"

We both lost it and started laughing hysterically.

"We had some good times together, didn't we?"

I let out a sigh and a bit of melancholy settled in. "Yes, we did."

Edward started putting his stuff away then stopped and looked over to me, locking his eyes with mine. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, Bella. I'd give anything to undo the pain I caused you."

I kept looking into his eyes and didn't see pity, which was what I was expecting to see. What I saw was a sense of genuine empathy and sincerity. I reached over and placed my hand over his. "I know you would. It's not your fault. Like you said, you didn't make me make the choices I did. I did that on my own."

"But if …" I put a finger on his lip.

"If pigs had wings they would fly. We can't worry about the ifs, Edward. It serves no purpose. We should only worry about the now."

And with that I kissed him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: Warning: **This chapter contains a somewhat graphic depiction of rape. If you have a hard time with this subject I will be more than willing to send you an edited version if you pm me. It is not my intent to shock or titillate, I just felt in order to understand Bella we needed to see some of the hell she went through. Thank you for your time and understanding-Bob

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The kiss started out light and tender but it soon became hard and urgent. Edward cupped my face in his hand as our tongues fought for dominance in our mouths. My hands found his taunt ass and pulled him closer to me, my pelvis grinding into his.

He pulled away. "Bella, uh, I, umm, we, ah, should…ah, screw it." He crushed his lips back into mine.

I knew he was right. We should stop. But the part of me that didn't want to stop was in control at the moment.

I pulled his shirt over his head and started to unbuckle his pants. He pushed me back onto the kitchen table, pulling at my blouse, tearing away buttons.

My head hit the table and bounced. My vision blurred and I blinked to clear it.

The kitchen had changed. It had become a dank, windowless room with a bare light bulb swinging over my head. The smell of vomit, urine, and blood, all of it mine, filled my nostrils.

I felt his grimy hands pawing at my breasts and his breath, stinking of stale cigarettes, hot on my neck. I closed my eyes and waited for what was going to come next.

Wait, my arms were free. I could fight back this time. I smacked him across the bridge of his nose and flung him off of me. I leapt on top of his prone body and started to punch his in the face as hard as I could, hoping to drive his nose into his brain. He was going to pay for all of the vile, disgusting things he did to me.

"Bella! Stop! Bella, what are you doing? Bella!"

Suddenly I was back in the kitchen. I looked down and didn't see the face of my attacker; instead I saw the bloody face of Edward Cullen.

I jumped up and ran up the stairs. I pushed my way through the door and slammed it shut behind me. I slid down the wall in the corner and wrapped my arms around my legs and started rocking.

There was a knock on the door. "Bella, are you in there? What happened? Are you alright?"

"Go away, Edward. It isn't safe for you to be near me." If he only knew how startlingly true that statement was.

"I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure your okay."

"Go away."

"Not until you tell me what happened back there."

"It's none of your business. Please leave."

"It is so my business. You beat the shit out of me, Bella. You at least owe it to me to explain why you did it."

I looked up and realized that I was in Charlie's room. I guess a part of my brain equated Charlie's room with safe. It had always seemed that way. No matter what had ever happened I could always come to this room and be comforted and protected by Charlie.

It even seemed that way now that he was gone.

"Please, Bella, talk to me."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Edward, but please just go away."

"No, dammit. Something happened down there, Bella. I saw it in your eyes. You went someplace else." I heard him slide down the door so he was sitting in front of it. "Was it something I did or said? Did I trigger a flashback?"

He was too smart for his own good. I guess me blurting out about the rape earlier let him put two and two together. I really couldn't believe that I had let that slip out. I had only told three people in the world about that. Why in the hell did I tell him?

I figured I could tell him yes since he already guessed it. "Yes, Edward, I had a flashback. Now get the hell out of my house."

I didn't hear any movement, just a big outrush of exhaled air. "Have you had flashbacks before? Have you been treated for PTSD?"

"Just fucking leave, Edward! " I screamed at him.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Bella. Neither as a doctor or as someone who cares for you very much. You shouldn't be left alone right now."

"I'm perfectly alright."

"No, you're not. If you were alright you wouldn't have pounded my face into hamburger and then locked yourself in your father's room. Yes, I remember this is Charlie's room and I saw you were staying in your old room. You subconsciously went to the one place you knew you could always go to for support."

"If you're done psychoanalyzing me please kindly get the fuck out of my house before I call the fucking cops."

"There you go with the potty mouth again. Go ahead and call the cops. While you're at it tell them to send the ambulance as well. Seventy-two hours in a psych ward will be good for you."

I jumped up, ran over to the door and pulled it open. Edward wasn't expecting this and he fell back into the room. Keeping the element of surprise I kicked him in the balls and then put my foot onto his neck and pressed down. Hard.

"I don't like being threatened, Edward. If you ever do it again, I will hurt you very badly."

"I'm not the shy little girl you knew twelve years ago. I've done things and have had things done to me that would tear even the strongest man's soul apart. I don't need your pity or lame ass attempts to do right by me. I've survived all these years without you. I think I can manage." I pulled my foot off of his throat. "Now get the hell out of here."

He slowly stood up and when he did he stared me right in the eyes. "No."

"Go, Edward. Now."

"I. Said. No." He accented the 'O'.

I could just kill him then ransack his place to find his research. I couldn't deal with this shit much longer. "And I said go!"

"Not until you tell me what happened downstairs. And I don't just mean the flashback."

I gave him a seething glare.

"You're not scaring me with the super bitch act, Bella, so you can just knock it off."

"It's not an act, Edward. The kiss was a mistake. And the other thing…you can't do anything about that. Nobody can. You can't be the knight in shining armor who rescues the damsel in distress."

He gave me this hard look. "Who said I wanted to? You are in a highly agitated state at this moment and I can help you get through it. That's it. I have no illusions of 'saving' you. If you do need saving, you're the only one who could do it. I just want to help you get through whatever is causing you to have these breaks tonight. You need to deal with it."

I put my chin to my chest and sighed. "He used to rape me on this old table in the room they kept me in. He would throw me onto the table so hard my head would bounce off of it. He would tear at my clothes as one of his buddies tied my arms to the table. He would never let them join, which I'm thankful for, but they would watch as he violated me in demeaning ways with himself or other objects."

He just sat there stunned, mouth hanging open, not knowing what to say. "There, I told you. I got it all out. Is everything going to get better now, Edward? Are you going to wave a magic wand and make my rape go away?"

He walked closer to me. "No, I can't make it go away. I wish I could. But maybe by being someone you can talk to I can help you get over the anger."

He pulled a card out of his wallet and handed it to me. "I don't think we need to run those tests, but I would like you to stop by my office tomorrow so we can go get some lunch."

I shook my head. "Edward…"

"I lost you once and I won't let that happen again. Let me be your friend, Bella." When I didn't say anything he turned and walked out the door.

"Edward, wait." He stopped at the top of the stairs. "Don't go. Please stay with me tonight."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: **This is the last three chapters from Edward's POV. Enjoy-Bob

I woke up in a situation I had never thought I would ever be in again; in a bed with Bella Swan draped across my body. Both of us were fully clothed, but that didn't take away from the fact that something I had dreamt about for many years had finally come true.

But I also couldn't get too excited by it. It was more than likely a one-shot deal. There was a lot of anger burning in that woman and a vast majority, if not all, of it was aimed at me. And I couldn't blame her for any of it. I was the man who ruined her life. That wasn't hyperbole but stone cold fact.

Although I was deeply in love with her I was a stupid nineteen year old who let my roommates, Jasper and Emmett, convince me to give Bella the 'we should see other people' speech. I thought I was doing the right thing for the both of us. Neither of us had ever dated anyone else and we lost our virginities to each other. I thought we would grow more if we dated other people but in the end we would get married to each other after I graduated from med school.

Boy, was I a fucking idiot or what?

My hormones caused me to lose the only woman I ever loved. And it caused her to make choices that scar her to this day.

I had originally resented the fact that she blamed me for ruining her life. I mean, who was I to blame that she couldn't move on with her life, right? That was her fault, not mine. She made her own choices and she needed to live with them.

That's what I thought until she blurted out the fact that she was raped while in Iraq. At that moment the world started to suddenly spin out of control. A hundred emotions ran through my mind, but there were two major ones that stayed. Hatred and anger. I burned with hatred toward the bastard who did that to her. I wanted nothing more to hunt him down and rip him to shreds.

The anger was for me. Her words, 'I joined the army to get away from you', echoed in my brain and it hit me like a landslide. It _was_ my fault. If I hadn't been such an immature ass she would not have had to have lived through that horror. I had caused her pain that no woman should ever have to endure.

When she turned to leave the bar I had at first decided to just let her go. I had caused her enough pain.

But then I decided I had to man up and deal with this. I had to help her and ask her for her forgiveness. I ran out into the parking lot after her.

I saw her digging in her pocketbook and I called out her name. She pulled out her keys and pointed them at me like she was aiming a gun. I could have sworn I heard her say bang, like she was shooting a toy gun. What the hell was that all about?

Then her eyes rolled back into her head and she started to fall. Luckily I was close enough to catch her before she hit the ground and hurt herself. I laid her on the ground and ran to the car for my doctor's bag.

I was just about done with her vitals when she came around. Her symptoms pointed to a panic attack. My guess was that the stress of coming back to Forks after being gone for so long, visiting her father's grave for the first time, and then dealing with the asshole that is me, was just too much for her. Great, as if I haven't caused her enough pain in her life.

After threatening to have her locked up for a pysch eval I convinced her to let me drive her home. As we were headed to her car I said something that offended her and she turned around to give me hell. She was still a little dizzy so she fell into me. Her lips were mere inches from mine. Oh, I wanted to kiss her so bad it hurt. She was still so beautiful. She was even more beautiful than I remembered.

She straightened herself up and we then drove to her old house in utter silence. There was so much I wanted to say, but I was so afraid I would say something that would either trigger another argument or another panic attack. Neither one was something I wanted to inflict on her again. I had been inflicting pain on her for twelve years, I think that was enough.

We got to the house and I took her vitals. We started to talk about the time we got caught skinny dipping in the Johnson's pool. We were both laughing so hard we were almost in tears. It was so great to see her laugh after all the crap I had put her through since I ran into her at the Thriftway. I probably brought back things that she has tried hard to keep buried.

God, I'm such an ass.

I was putting my stuff away when I told her I was sorry for the pain I had caused her. She, of course, being sweet Bella, had tried to let me off the hook, telling me the bullshit rationalization I had spewed out earlier was right. That I couldn't be held accountable for the action she had taken with her life.

But I was wrong. I was the spark that set the fire that destroyed her life. I tried to tell her that but she stopped me.

Then she kissed me.

They were soft, light kisses at first and then they became more aggressive. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths as our hands started to explore what was once familiar territory but was now new again.

I tried to break away and tell her we should stop but I couldn't. I wanted, no I needed, her so bad.

She pulled open my pants and I pushed her down onto the kitchen table, my hands roaming her thighs and breasts. Not the most romantic place, but neither of us could wait. It was like we were both on autopilot.

Then several things happened at once. She hit her head on the table and her hands came out of my pants. The way she blinked her eyes I thought she hurt herself. Then I looked into her eyes. She had a look like she didn't know where she was. Her head lolled slightly from side to side. The next thing that appeared in her eyes was fear and they were slightly glazed over. Then she closed them tight. I knew she wasn't in the moment anymore. She was someplace else in her mind.

Then she had what combat vets called the thousand yard stare. It was the look people got when they had seen and experienced so much horror that they just shut down and became unfeeling machines in order to survive. That made my blood run cold. What had those bastards done to my precious Bella?

Her eyes turned angry and I suddenly had a fist crashing into my nose. Before I knew what was going on I was on the floor with Bella squatting on my chest beating the living shit out of me.

At first all I could do was just try to protect my face. I was shocked by the ferociousness of the attack. This couldn't be my sweet, gentle Bella, could it? This was a wild animal.

I yelled her name several time to try to snap her out of it. She finally stopped and ran up the stairs, slamming a door behind her.

The events after that came streaming across my mind's eye.

_I headed up the stairs to see how she was doing. I noticed her door was open and it looked like that was the room she was staying in. The door to Charlie's room, however, was closed. It was kind of odd that she would pick that room. "Bella, are you in there? What happened? Are you alright?"_

"_Go away, Edward. It isn't safe for you to be near me." _

_That might have been true, but I couldn't leave her alone, not in the state she was in. "I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure your okay."_

"_Go away."_

"_Not until you tell me what happened back there."_

"_It's none of your business. Please leave."_

"_It is so my business. You beat the shit out of me, Bella. You at least owe it to me to explain why you did it."_

_Damn! I needed to stay calm. I needed to be the cool, detached doctor. That was going to be had since I had such a vested interest in Bella, but I still had to try "Please, Bella, talk to me."_

"_I'm sorry I hurt you, Edward, but please just go away."_

"_No, dammit."Crap. So much for the detached doctor. "Something happened down there, Bella. I saw it in your eyes. You went someplace else." I slid down the door so that I was sitting in front of it. "Was it something I did or said? Did I trigger a flashback?"_

_My mind went over what had happened. Was I too aggressive with her, did that set her off?_

"_Yes, Edward, I had a flashback. Now get the hell out of my house."_

_I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Now I really had to play the doctor role. "Have you had flashbacks before? Have you been treated for PTSD?"_

"_Just fucking leave, Edward!" I couldn't believe the anger that was behind the shout._

"_I'm afraid I can't do that, Bella. Neither as a doctor or as someone who cares for you very much. You shouldn't be left alone right now."_

"_I'm perfectly alright."_

"_No, you're not. If you were alright you wouldn't have pounded my face into hamburger and then locked yourself in your father's room. Yes, I remember this is Charlie's room and I saw you were staying in your old room. You subconsciously went to the one place you knew you could always go to for support."_

"_If you're done psychoanalyzing me please kindly get the fuck out of my house before I call the fucking cops."_

"_There you go with the potty mouth again. Go ahead and call the cops. While you're at it tell them to send the ambulance as well. Seventy-two hours in a psych ward will be good for you."_

_Suddenly the door flung open and I was on my back. Bella kicked me in the groin then proceeded to press her foot down on my throat very hard._

_The sheer hatred in her eyes scared the living hell out of me. Old Bella was completely gone. In her place was killer. And I feared for my life._

"_I don't like being threatened, Edward. If you ever do it again, I will hurt you very badly."_

"_I'm not the shy little girl you knew twelve years ago. I've done things and have had things done to me that would tear even the strongest man's soul apart. I don't need your pity or lame ass attempts to do right by me. I've survived all these years without you. I think I can manage." She pulled her foot off of my throat. "Now get the hell out of here."_

_I slowly stood up and stared right into her eyes. I was just about pissing in my pants with fear but I couldn't let her go through this alone. I couldn't let the overwhelming sense of fear I was feeling stop me. Time to put on my game face. "No."_

"_Go, Edward. Now."_

"_I. Said. No."I said each word separately and I drew out the 'O'. I figure in for a penny in for a pound. Even though I was pretty sure she would kick my ass I was all over the macho bravado._

"_And I said go!"_

"_Not until you tell me what happened downstairs. And I don't just mean the flashback." Shit. Why did I bring that up? One issue at a time, Edward, you ass._

_She gave me a look that could melt the paint off of the walls._

"_You're not scaring me with the super bitch act, Bella, so you can just knock it off." Actually it was scaring the hell out of me but I couldn't let her know that. _

"_It's not an act, Edward. The kiss was a mistake. And the other thing…you can't do anything about that. Nobody can. You can't be the knight in shining armor who rescues the damsel in distress."_

"_Who said I wanted to? You are in a highly agitated state at this moment and I can help you get through it. That's it. I have no illusions of 'saving' you. If you do need saving, you're the only one who could do it. I just want to help you get through whatever is causing you to have these breaks tonight. You need to deal with it."_

_She then told me what her attacker had done to her in Iraq. I couldn't get my mind to wrap around what she was telling me. The anger and hatred I had felt earlier intensified when she laid bare the facts. Only this time the anger was at bastard who defiled her. How could anyone do something so evil and vile to a woman? It was beyond rational comprehension._

_And what could I say to her? Sorry just wasn't going to cut it. What could I possibly do to help make that kind of hurt go away? The only thing I could do was listen to her and try to be the rational, detached doctor, not the emotionally charged ex-boyfriend I wanted to be._

"_There, I told you. I got it all out. Is everything going to get better now, Edward? Are you going to wave a magic wand and make my rape go away?"_

_I walked over to her, but still kept my distance. I didn't want to crowd her. "No, I can't make it go away. I wish I could. But maybe by being someone you can talk to I can help you get over the anger."_

_I pulled my card out of my wallet and handed it to her. "I don't think we need to run those tests, but I would like you to stop by my office tomorrow so we can go get some lunch."_

_She shook her head. "Edward…"_

_I stopped her before she could finish. "I lost you once and I won't let that happen again. Let me be your friend, Bella." She just stood there silently. I turned and headed out the door. I couldn't help her if she wouldn't let me._

"_Edward, wait." I stopped at the top of the stairs. "Don't go. Please stay with me tonight."_

We went into her old bedroom and lay down on her bed. She snuggled into me and I stroked her hair. She fell asleep rather quickly given the circumstances. I stayed up at least another two hours, just stroking her hair and pondering everything I had learned tonight.

No one ever really thinks about how their decisions are going to affect the lives of other people. I know I didn't. And now I got to see the destruction my selfish act caused. I had to fight back the tears that threatened to flow from my eyes.

Yes, you could argue I was a kid and didn't know what I was doing, but does that make it ok? No, it doesn't. At least not to me.

I just laid back and enjoyed the feeling of Bella lying across my body, her head on my chest. It was something I could get used to.

I did not know if this would go anywhere but I had to be prepared for it if it did. Bella was not the girl I remembered. She had developed a cold, hard shell to protect herself from what she had been through. Hell, she had shed a tear or showed any emotion except anger during the whole incident. And inside that shell was a severely damaged woman that may never be fixed. I had already been on the wrong side of a violent flashback. There was actually a very good chance of Bella killing me if she had another one like that. Was I willing to take that risk?

Yes I was.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

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I woke up with an arm around me and it felt good. I was just about to snuggle closer to the owner of the arm's chest when my survival instinct kicked in. There shouldn't be an arm around me. I leapt out of the bed and got into a defensive posture.

"Whoa, Bella, take it easy. It's me, Edward, remember?" He sat up and held his hands up in a surrendering way.

Okay, it came back to me now. I had asked him to stay with me last night to keep me company. That's why he was in bed with me.

Then I noticed his face. It was all swollen and black and blue with dried blood from his nose and lip. "Oh, my god, Edward, I'm so sorry. Your face, I…"

He gingerly touched the bridge of his nose. "It's okay, Bella. I'm fine. It doesn't feel like anything's broken."

I ruined his beautiful face. How could I have done that to him? "I'm so sorry I hurt you. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"It wasn't your fault, Bella." I snorted at his comment, it was so my fault.

"What do you mean it wasn't my fault? I'm the one who hit you."

"It wasn't me you were hitting. You were someplace else."

I needed to change the subject; I wasn't ready to rehash my past again. "How about I make you some breakfast."

He shook his head. "I think I better get going."

"Come on, the least I can do is make you breakfast." I gave him the sad little puppy dog look. "Pleeeease?"

He could never resist that look. "Alright, if it isn't too much trouble."

"No trouble at all. Which do you prefer, Pop-Tarts or Rice Krispies?"

"Pop-tarts sound tempting but I could never say no to a bowl of Rice Krispies."

"A man after my own heart. Sorry I can't offer you anything else. I wasn't expecting any guests so I just got some simple stuff for me." I could tell he was fighting a smile, but he followed me to the kitchen.

He sat at the table as I got out the bowls and the milk. "That's okay. My breakfast usually consists of a bagel and coffee."

I poured some Rice Krispies into our bowls. I was just about to sit down when I heard the Eye of the Tiger start playing from my bag.

Shit. It was Jessica.

"That's my office. I need to take this." I grabbed the phone and headed to the living room.

"How was your date with Mr. Kitty last night?"

"I really can't discuss that right now," I whispered as I looked over my shoulder to make sure Edward wasn't listening.

"Oh, my god! You're still with him, aren't you?"

Shit, this wasn't going good at all. "Can I get back to you on this later?"

"Bella, are you fucking insane?" Great, now Mike was on the phone.

"I'll get back to you later on that." And I hung up on them. I shut the phone off so it would go to voicemail if they called me again.

I made my way back to the kitchen. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, nothing major. I can deal with it later." I hope.

"Sorry about the whole freaking out thing this morning. I'm not used to waking up next to someone."

He gave me a warm smile. "Neither am I. But it was a nice change of pace."

I felt the blush run up my cheeks. It was nice indeed. It had been a long time since I had woken up next to a man and I realized I missed it. Maybe I should have tried to work things out with…

"Uh, I better get going. I need to get to work." He got up from the table and put his bowl in the sink. "Listen, Bella, I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend and try to help you."

I gave him a small smile. "I know you did, Edward, but there really isn't anything to help with. Last night was a fluke. I've never had anything like that happen to me before."

Well, at least not in the last six or seven year. I had broken Sunny's nose twice while having flashbacks before that, but I wasn't going to tell Edward that.

He gave me a hard look. "Somehow I don't believe that." He could always read me like a book. "Anyway, you need anything, you have my number." He started heading towards the door.

"Are we still on for lunch?"

He turned around and gave me that sexy ass crooked smile. "You bet. Meet you at the Coffee Shop around one o'clock?"

"Sure, see you then."

After he left I went to get my phone. I had to deal with them sooner or later, might as well get it over with.

They picked it up on the first ring. "Of all of the stupid, idiotic things…"

"And a good morning to you too, Mr. Newton."

"Bella, how could you sleep with a target?"

"For you your information, I did not sleep with him. Well, I slept with him, but we didn't have sex."

"What?" He all but screeched into the phone.

"We were reminiscing, it was late, we had a little too much to drink, and we fell asleep on the couch. Nothing happened, honestly." I really didn't want to explain what actually went on. He would flip out about that as well.

"Do you really expect me to believe that lame ass story?"

"I really don't care if you believe me or not, Mike. Whether or not I slept with him has no bearing on the mission what so ever."

"You better fucking believe it does!" He was practically screaming into the phone now. "I'm calling in a new team on this."

That was it. I had had enough of this shit. "If you call in a new team I will put a mother fucking bullet in your fucking head! I am the fucking team leader and you will listen to what I fucking say, you understand me? I am not fucking around. If you question me one more fucking time I will have your ass pulled so fucking fast you won't know which fucking way is up. I will not tolerate anymore of this second guessing bullshit, am I clear?"

He mumbled something that sounded like a yes.

"I said am I fucking clear?"

"Yes. Crystal."

"Good." I was still fuming. Where the hell did he get off on questioning me? I guess that's whatI get for treating them more as equals than as subordinates. "I'll call back at noon for a full briefing."

I hung up the phone and headed up the stairs for a shower. Maybe that would help me calm down a bit.

The hot water indeed did the trick. I immediately started to relax once the water had hit my body. There was nothing more soothing that a nice hot shower. Well, maybe a nice long soak in a tub, but either way it felt great.

My mind wandered back to waking up in Edward's arms. I had to admit it felt wonderful and it brought back wonderful memories. We had only been able to spend the entire night with each other a few times, but each had been magnificent and special. I had wanted more than anything for it to happen again after each time.

I felt that way now. I wanted to wake up in his arms again and again.

But that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't let it happen.

All I could do was string him along until I got what I needed to get. Then I kill him.

I had to erase last night from my mind. I had made a mistake and let my emotions get the better of me. I let someone in again.

And he was definitely the wrong someone. And it wasn't just because of the me having to kill him thing. I had never reconciled my feelings for him. Of course there was hate but there was also love. Even after all these years of trying to forget him it was still there.

And there had been so much love left over at first that it drove a wedge between Sunny and me. A part of me was still clinging onto Edward that I couldn't give myself completely to him. When I told him I couldn't marry him it tore him apart and another piece of me died as well when he left me. He had helped me through the dark times of my life and I repaid him by breaking his heart. What a fantastic person I am.

Apparently I wasn't done destroying men; the destruction on Edward's face was proof. Plus he wanted to help me too, and we all know that isn't possible. Sunny was a true example to that. There was no hope for me, and the sooner I accepted that the better.

I need to stick to what I know best, being a detached ice queen and getting the job done. Edward was just a job. The only problem now is if I can just follow through.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and all related characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: ** I have been remiss in thanking the lovely and talented Hope4more for all her help in checking over my work and giving me great ideas. Please take the time to check out her awesome story, the Indie Award-nominated Hand Me Down and its equally awesome companion one-shot, The Teen Years. You can find her on my profile under favorite authors or stories. You won't be disappointed. Enjoy-Bob

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The briefing with Jessica and Mike ended up being a very short one. They both just gave me what intel they collected without any small talk. I guess they didn't want to say anything more to piss me off. Probably I good idea with the way I was feeling.

After the briefing, I headed out to the Forks Coffee Shop and Restaurant to meet Edward for lunch. I really didn't want to see him again today but I figured it would be a good way get into his good graces and get an invite to his house. Plus there were fewer chances of there being a repeat of last night at lunch.

This whole situation was complicated enough that I have slept with him in the past, never mind if I sleep with him now. Things would totally be out of control then. It would be that much harder to pull the trigger when the time came.

And there was no doubt at all that I had to pull the trigger. I had a sneaking feeling that I had been given this job as a test. My last two jobs didn't go smoothly and the powers that be want to make sure I still got it. I had to show them that I did.

I walked into the restaurant to find Edward waiting for me again. He had always been one of those people who would rather be an hour early than a minute late. I hated that when we were dating but I really appreciated that now in my line of business.

I slid into the booth with him. "How's the face doing?"

"Not too bad. Took some x-rays, nothings broken. I have some drugs at the office that have helped with the swelling and the pain."

"Yeah, it does look a lot better than it did this morning. I'm glad I didn't break anything." The swelling had indeed gone down. I wonder what other type of good shit he has in his office.

"Again, I'm really sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it."

The waitress came over and took our order. Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "So, when was the last time you had a flashback like that?"

I looked away and took a drink of water. He wasn't wasting any time with the rescuing me thing, was he? "I told you, that was the first time."

He let out a sigh. "You were never a good liar, Bella. Why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's none of your damn business."

"You didn't answer me last night; did you ever get treated for PTSD?"

"You really want me to hit you again, don't you?"

He gave me a little smile. "I'd prefer you wouldn't, but I'm not going to let up. I want to help you."

I let out a sigh. "Thanks for the offer but I don't need help."

"Does that include any help or just mine?"

He stared into my eyes. God, his were the most beautiful shade of green. I used to spend hours just gazing into them, I used to see my future in them. Not so much anymore. "Any."

"You do know that's bullshit, right?"

I leaned back into the booth. "If you say so."

"I do. And not getting any help and dealing with your emotions is probably one of the main reasons you couldn't commit and get married."

I felt the anger welling up in me again. Who the fuck was he to say something like that to me. How dare he. "You were the main reason I didn't get married, you son of a bitch. You crushed my fucking heart. When he asked me to marry him you flashed into my mind. You told me you were going to give me an engagement ring when I graduated high school and get married when I got out of college. You promised me with all of your heart, remember that? And when he asked the question, the first thing I thought was...what if he changes his mind like Edward. I couldn't live with that hurt again."

"My break up with Sunny had nothing to do with Iraq. Hell, if it weren't for him I would have put a bullet in my brain a long time ago. He helped me through the nightmares. It was all about you, Edward. Your rejection of me and the fact I couldn't completely stop loving you despite it. Are you going to psychoanalyze that?"

He looked down at the table, not able to hold my gaze anymore. "I never meant to hurt you like that. I was young and stupid. I just thought…"

"No, that was your problem, Edward. You didn't think."

I stood up to leave. He stood up and grabbed my hand. "Please don't leave."

"Why should I stay? So we can just run through this shit over and over again? That's not going to help either one of us, Edward."

He nodded dejectedly. "Let's try to stay off our past. I want to get to know you again. Believe it or not, I've missed you all these years."

"Well, I can't say truthfully that I've missed you, Edward. I've hated you for a long time."

He sat down and let out a sigh. "I bet you have. And I don't blame you. But can't we try to be friends?"

I slid back into the booth. It was more for the mission than for any personal feelings. "I can't promise anything. I case you haven't noticed I've become quite the foul mouthed bitch over the years. I blame the army."

He let out a soft laugh and gave me a smile. "I'll take any Bella I can get."

I turned my eyes down and felt a blush hit my cheeks. I guess a part of me is flattered that even after all this time he would still want anything to do with me. The other part is sad that I know our renewed friendship won't last very long.

Our food came and we sat there a few minutes without saying a word to each other. I guess neither one of us really knew what to say to the other that didn't relate to our past together.

"So, you have your own practice or do you do one of them doctor group things?"

"Actually I do more research than anything else. But I do volunteer twice a week at the clinic in La Push for a few hours. I've run into Billy Black a few times down there."

"Oh, yeah? How's he doing?" Billy Black was my dad's best friend and always treated me like I was one of his own. I wonder if I should pay him a visit.

"He's doing okay, I guess. He really doesn't talk to me too much. He's polite to me, but I guess he still has hard feelings over what happened between you and me."

"Yeah, well, we were really close."

"Yeah, and that whole mess with Jacob didn't help matters much."

This piqued my interest. "What mess with Jacob?"

"The fight we had."

"What fight?"

"Charlie didn't tell you?"

"Obviously he didn't if I'm asking you now. What happened?"

God, I can't believe they fought. I know they were never the best of friends but they were friends. Shit, it had to be about me. Jake was as protective of me as Billy was.

"He was home on leave about a year or so after you left. I was walking into the Mill Creek and he was walking out. I nodded my head to him and he punched me in the face. We started beating the shit out of each other. We both ended up in pretty bad shape. Your dad showed up and hauled us to the station. The witnesses supported my claim of self defense so your dad asked me if I wanted to press charges. I told him no. I did hear though that Jacob did get in trouble when he went back to base for his face being messed up."

Shit, I do remember that. Jake and I had both gone to the same language school. He told me he had got into a fight in one of the local bars. What an ass.

"Let me guess what you were fighting over; me?"

He gave me a slight smile that looked more like a grimace. "Your name might have come up a few times."

I couldn't help but shake my head. "Yep, that sounds like something he would do."

He shrugged his shoulders. "He always had a bit of a temper. He was your best friend. I would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed."

"That still doesn't make it right."

"No, but it does make it understandable."

Now it was my turn to shrug. "I guess."

He looked down at his watch, pulled out his wallet and threw some money to cover the check on the table. "I have to get going, Bella. Would you like to come to my house tonight for dinner?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea." If he only knew how bad it was.

"Why not?"

I put my hand under my chin in the Thinker pose. "Hmm, let's see. The last time we were alone together I went from trying to get into your pants to beating the shit out of you. I don't think we really want to do either one."

He gave me that smile that just melted me. "Well, at least not the beat the shit out of me part."

I gave him an evil glare. He held up his hands. "I'm just kidding. Trying to lighten up the mood."

"It's still not funny. And still not a good idea."

Now he turned on the puppy dog eyes. "Please, Bella? Who knows when I'll see you again? I promise it will just be a friendly dinner, nothing else."

I had been planning on saying yes because I needed to get in the house. I was hemming and hawing because it wouldn't seem natural to give in so quick after how I had reacted earlier. "Okay. What time?"

"How about seven-thirty?'

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

He walked by and gave me a kiss on the top of the head, and I felt myself tense. "See you tonight."

Oh this shit just keeps on getting better and better.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I just turned them into damaged people.

**A/N: **Thanks again to the lovely and talented Hope4more for all her help in crafting this story. And I would like to thank my small but loyal group of reviewers. Sorry I didn't reply individually like I usually do. I was slacking off and forgot. Thank you all for your support. Hope you enjoy-Bob

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When I got back to the house I called Jess and Mike back. "Hey, I got an invite to his house tonight. Hopefully I can find out where the info we need is and get this job over."

"That sounds great, Bella. You have all the gear you need or do you need us to run you down some?"

"I think I'm set, Jess. Mike sent a surveillance kit down with me. He usually sends a couple different cameras and mikes so we can get a good mix of pics and audio. I'll give you a call tomorrow."

I went up to my room and pulled out the equipment Mike had set me up with. There were several bugs and phone taps as well as mini cameras to wear on the body and plant in a house. I picked out what I needed and set everything up in my bag.

When I finally jumped in to the shower my mind started to wander. What would it have been like if I hadn't joined the Army? Would he have just had his fun and then come to me? Or would we have drifted apart and moved on? Would I have got involved with Sunny?

Ah, it's fucking useless to think about that shit. Things turned out the way they did and no amount of wishing and hoping is ever going to change it. I just had to live with it.

And that had been a lot easier to do before this job. The last four or five years I had been so concentrated on my work that I never really thought of Edward, Iraq, or even Sunny, which was a shame since he deserved better than to be brushed away like that.

I really don't think I would have survived after Iraq without him. I had become a zombie, not showing any emotion, but instead turning the hatred towards myself. I blamed myself for what had happened. The shoulda, woulda, couldas, and what ifs where constantly going through my mind. I should have seen the trap, if I had pulled my gun sooner I would have escaped, I could have gone to the Chaplain to get leave…Over and over they played in my head until I truly believed it was all my fault.

Sunny helped me see that it wasn't my fault. He helped me put the blame on the bastard who raped me, not myself. He stayed with me through the nights of waking up kicking and screaming. We spent many a sleepless night together. We were still only friends at that point and we wouldn't become lovers until almost two years later, but he still stayed with me. He sacrificed his career in the Army for me. I owed him more than he could ever know and I paid him back by breaking his heart. I guess in that aspect, I'm not that too different from Edward.

I got out of the shower and headed for my room. What to wear, what to wear. I picked out some loose fitting shorts, a cami, and a sweater to go over it. I wanted to look nice, but not too nice. Didn't want to give Edward the wrong impression.

I pulled my hair up and put in two hair clips. One of them hid one of the wireless micro video cameras. It transmitted to a receiver in my bag. Clever or what?

I got into the car and just sat behind the wheel for a few minutes, trying to steel myself for the night ahead. Could we really get through the night without the past coming up and me getting pissed? I highly doubted it but it would be nice. It had been a long time since I just sat and talked with anyone not involved in my line of business. What am I talking about? I'm here to see him because of my line of business.

What had me truly amazed was how nervous I was. I've walked into rooms full of heavily armed men and didn't feel this nervous. What the hell was going on here?

Finally I started the car and drove to Edwards. Jess wasn't kidding, it was absolutely gorgeous. It was in the American Queen Ann-style with its rounded tower, Dutch gables, and wrap-around porch. It had a slate roof and a classic Victorian paint scheme of grey, sea green trim and gold accents. It was a beautiful house.

As I made my way to the house I made sure I got some shots of the camera locations and the motion sensors. I also got some shots of the windows to see how they were wired.

I rang the bell and my breath caught in my throat when he opened the door. He was wearing a pair of snug jeans, brown docksiders, and a white button down with the first two buttons open and his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Top that off with his sexy bronze hair and amazing eyes he was positively yummy.

He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Bella. Thanks for coming."

Shaking myself out of my stupor, I thrust the bag I had at him. "I wasn't sure what you were cooking so I got a bottle of red and a bottle of white."

He took the bag and showed me in. "I'm making Veal Saltimbocca with angle hair so the red will work nicely. Have a seat on the couch while I open the wine. Dinner should be ready in about five minutes."

I did a nice scan of the house as I made my way to the couch, making sure to get a good shot of the alarm control panel and the motion sensors. He was hardcore about his security. Motion sensors are rarely inside residential homes. Pets and kids tend to set them off. And if you get thirsty at three in the morning and forget to shut it off it can rattle your nerves. I've set ours off a few times. It really sucks when you're half naked and your roommates come charging at you with guns drawn when all you wanted was a cold drink.

The living room was as spectacular as the outside with its vaulted ceilings, hardwood floor, and window seat. The room was done in a gray-lilac color with rose trim and teal accents. "You have a beautiful house, Edward. Love the color scheme in the living room."

"Thanks. Esme had always wanted this house and when it came on the market I snatched it up. She had all kinds of plans made up for restoring Victorian homes so I just went with them. It's like she did the decorating for me."

"That's sweet."

He came out and handed me a glass of wine. "Here you go. Why don't we head into the dining room? I'll be bringing everything out shortly."

The dining room was done in a cayenne pepper red with a peach trim. The accents were in sage. A beautiful Chippendale Gothic-style dining room set with matching china cabinet finished the room. He had done an amazing job following his mother's designs.

He brought out our plates. "It looks and smells delicious, Edward."

"Thanks. Hope you enjoy it."

I took a bite and it was absolutely heavenly. "Oh, Edward, this is fantastic. Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"My mom, of course. On top of being a wonderful mom and interior designer, she was a fantastic cook."

"Still miss her, huh?"

"I don't think I'll ever stop. We were really close."

"Yeah, I know. Even though I was only ten when I lost her I still miss Renee sometimes."

Edward refilled our wine glasses. "So, what did you do in the Army?"

I guess that was enough of the dead parent discussion. "I was in Intelligence."

"Did you enjoy it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It was okay except for the whole killing people and getting raped thing." Okay, so I really didn't mind the killing thing. He didn't need to know that.

He ran his fingers through his hair and tried not to look me in the eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"I know. I'm just fucking with you."

He shook his head, smiled a little, and went back to eating.

"Okay, now it's your turn for the fun questions. Why didn't you and the bimbo you dumped me for get married?"

Edward let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair again. "Like I told you before, I didn't leave you for anyone. I met her about three months later, after I realized you weren't coming back to me."

He looked at me for a few seconds and after I didn't respond he took a long drink of wine and continued. "She was the first person I started seeing after you. We dated almost three years and she started the 'where is our relationship going' thing. I wasn't in love with her, but I didn't want to be alone, so I just stayed with her."

He finished his wine and poured himself another glass. "So anyway, one day she tells me she's pregnant. Of course, I do the right thing and propose. About a month later, after the announcement is in all the papers and people have sent us gifts, I asked her if the doctor did a sonogram to tell her how far along she was." He down his wine and poured another glass. I guess this was harder for him than I thought.

"She then tells me that having kids at that time wasn't in her five year plan so she had an abortion. To tell you the truth I doubt she was even pregnant." He excused himself and got another bottle of wine. I sat there completely stunned by this revelation. Apparently we both had some bad shit happen in our pasts.

"That was the one time in my life that I was ever tempted to hit a woman. I mean, how could she take my child away from me without even talking to me about it? I understand it's a woman's right to choose, but how can you do that to the person you're supposed to be in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with? She knew full well how much I wanted kids. I mean, why did she even tell me if she only planned to abort it anyway."

"You always talked about having a big family. She apparently saw that as a way of getting you to commit."

"Ah, but the best laid plans of mice and men often go askew. See how well that dream turned out." Another glass downed.

"You screwed that one up yourself." Wow where did that come from? He's obviously barring his soul here and I just throw it back in his face.

The look he gave me sent a chill through me. "Really? I'm so glad you mentioned that to me. I would have never realized that on my own." This time he got up and came back with a bottle of Knob Creek and filled up his empty wine glass. "Care for some?"

I finished my wine and slid him the glass. "Sure. I enjoy a good bourbon now and again."

"Now that we've established that I've ruined both our lives, what else would you like to talk about?" The hostility in his voice was ever present. I had finally hit a nerve with him.

"How about the other women you dated? Anybody else come close?" That's right, keep pushing him…it will make it easier to kill him when the time comes. Then none of this will fall on my shoulders.

More of the hand through the hair thing and a look of resignation. "I really don't date much."

This piqued my interest. "Why not?"

"Because, unlike you, I couldn't run away from my problems. I had to come back to the quote scene of the crime unquote and get reminded of how bad I fucked up goddamn every day. I just go to Seattle when I need to get laid. Socialites are pretty easy."

"Wait a minute. I did not run away from my problem."

He started flinging his arms in the air. "Bella, you joined the freakin' Army instead of going to ASU so I couldn't contact you. If that's not running away I don't know what the hell is. I had to stay and deal with your dad and all the other bullshit."

I was starting to get pissed. "Boo fucking hoo, Edward. Sorry if I don't have any compassion for you. While you were getting parking ticket I was getting bottles…"

He jumped up and slammed his fist into the table. "I get it, you were raped. And I would give my life to make it not have happened. But you can't keep using that as a weapon against me, Bella. I didn't do that to you. Some bastard in Iraq did. And it wasn't my fault you were there. You made that choice. You ran rather than face me. You need to take responsibility for your actions. I'll take the blame for screwing up our future together, but I didn't make you join the fucking Army. That was all you."

Anger and hatred burned through my body. How dare he blame me for what he had done? It was his entire fault. I would never have had to make those choices if he didn't break up with me. "You gutless bastard. How dare you blame me? I would have never have made those choices if it weren't for you. Don't you get all self righteous on me. You pushed me to go."

"How did I push you to go, Bella? Was it the thousands of texts and voice mails that said I was sorry I screwed up and wanted you to take me back that you never responded to? Or the letters I gave Charlie everyday for a month saying the same thing that you tore up and threw in the trash without reading? Or was it me yelling at your window asking you to forgive me? I wanted to make it right, Bella. I really tried. You just ran."

Suddenly the room started to spin and I fell back into my chair. Edward came running over. He was saying something but I couldn't hear him. There was a loud roaring in my head. The anger and hatred bubbled up to the surface again.

But it wasn't aimed at Edward this time. It was aimed at me.

I was ultimately the cause of what had happened to me.

I hugged Edward to me and I exploded. Tears that I had been holding back for over a decade burst from my eyes. The wall came crumbling down.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related character are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: **Thanks once again to the lovely and talented Hope4more for all her help. And thanks to all who have reviewed and added me on your alerts and favs. It means a lot to me. Enjoy-Bob

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The tears just kept pouring out of me. No matter what I tried to do, they wouldn't stop. I soaked poor Edward's shirt. He had walked me over to the couch and now I sat with my legs curled up under me and my head tucked into the crook of Edward's neck, bawling my eyes out.

Edward had his arm wrapped around me and he held onto me for dear life, as if his salvation was tied into mine. And maybe it was. After all, as I found out, we both had a role in the destruction of our lives. Possibly we needed each other to repair the damage.

That thought made me cry harder. I had to kill him. I had no other choice. I knew now that doing that would break me more than anything else has, but I had to be the one who pulled the trigger. If my soul was not already damned to Hell it would be now.

Edward said soothing things to me and gently stroked my head, not knowing that he held the instrument of his death in his arms. Even after all these years he remained the gentle soul I had known. I think he would even forgive me when I do my ultimate act of betrayal on him if I asked.

God, what did either of us do to deserve such a cruel fate that you delivered us into?

I let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. Somehow I didn't think that God was going to answer me any time soon. We weren't exactly on the best of terms. We had forsaken each other a long time ago in a dank, dark windowless room.

The feel of Edward's lips kissing the top of my head brought me out of my spiral of depressing thoughts. I knew what the future held in store, but I still had today. I could enjoy him while I had him.

I lifted my head up and gave him a little a gentle, chaste kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "What for? Making you cry?"

"No, being here for me and making me see the truth. I know I'm not to blame for being raped but I need to take responsibility for the actions I took that led me there. It was just so much easier to blame someone else for my mistakes. It was easier to blame you."

"I know. I had blamed myself for everything too."

We both let out a little laugh. "But our friend Mr. Alcohol drowned that part out and then the filter was shut off. Whatever came across my mind came out of my mouth. I'm sorry I was so rough on you."

"Don't be sorry. It was what I needed to hear."

I gave him another kiss. "And if anybody should be sorry for the things they have done or said in the last few days, it should be me. I messed up your gorgeous face and blamed you for every wrong in my life."

The wonderful crooked smile came out again. "You think I'm gorgeous?"

"Ever since I saw you my freshman year." I gave him another kiss and let it linger a bit this time.

He looked at me nervously. "Bella, I really don't think that is…"

I put my finger to his mouth to silence him and gave him yet another kiss, my tongue running along his bottom lip as I pulled away. "You're absolutely right that this is a bad idea. With everything that has gone on I don't know how I'll react. There is a good possibility I could have another flashback. I don't know. But the one thing I am certain of, Edward Cullen, is that I want to touch you, feel you, and taste you tonight. We'll just take it slow and see where we end up. Okay?"

He just looked deep into my eyes and slowly nodded his head. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss before deepening it. Our tongues tenderly explored the other's mouth while my hands grasped Edwards's hair as he pulled me closer to him. I knew it was a worn out cliché, but how could something so wrong feel so right?

After a few minutes of deliciously slow kissing I nudged Edward downwards on to the couch so that I rested on top of him. I trailed open mouthed kisses along his jaw and then made my way to the junction of his neck and shoulder. I nipped and kissed my way to his Adam's apple and started my way down his chest. When I got as far down as his still buttoned shirt would allow me, I stood up.

"Please take me to your bedroom."

His eyes appraised me and he took three deep breaths as he weighed my request. "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't think we're ready for this."

"And we may not be. But like I said, we should see where this goes. I have seen the fragility of life first hand and spent more than a decade trapped in a shell that prevented me from truly living. I don't want to waste anymore of it, Edward." I held out my hand to him.

He sat up and took my hand in his. He then nodded his head and stood up. We silently went up the stairs to the master bedroom. When we got to the door we stopped and he gave me another deep, soulful kiss before opening the door. We walked in and I was instantly amazed by the stark contrast between his bedroom and the rest of the house. Whereas the rest of the house's furniture and décor was meant to evoke the past, Edward's was all modern. A black platform bed with a headboard adorned with red silk dominated the room. Above it hung the beautiful Michael Parkes print Gargoyles. Lamps with frosted white and red glass on black end tables showered the room with a soft glow. A black dresser ran across one wall and the closet was covered by glass doors that resembled Japanese paper and bamboo panels. The walls were a dark red, almost maroon. It was amazing.

He must have caught my expression. "In my mom's notes on redoing the house there was one titled 'Edward's room'. This is how she saw my room."

"It's beautiful, Edward."

I turned to him and threw my arms around his neck. "Now, where were we?"

He smiled, scooped me up and carried me over to the bed. He laid me down gently on the bed and removed my shoes. Then he took off his own and crawled in after me. We lay facing each other, looking into each other's eyes and stroking the other's hair.

We lay there a few minutes like that, just enjoying each other's presence. Then Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. Our kiss deepened and he pulled me tight to him. I pulled my leg up over his and rested it on his hip, his groin pressing into my thigh. I could feel his growing arousal, as well as my own.

Edward tenderly rolled me onto my back, showering me with kisses on my face and neck as he did so. His hand came up between us and he gingerly traced the swell of my breast through my shirt before bringing it around to cup my face. He looked at me nervously, silently asking for my permission to continue. I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu, like we were going through our first time again.

And maybe we were. After all, we were two very different people than the two innocent teenagers we were back then. And the pain we went through tempered our passion, making us nervous and trying our best not to hurt the other. I guess it wasn't to unlike two virgins deeply in love with one another. I guess God was cutting me some slack and was going to allow me to enjoy a beautiful moment.

Edward pulled my sweater over my head, leaving me in my camisole. His hands ran under the hemline and sent electricity through me body. The passion of our kiss increased tenfold as his hand gently cupped my breast. His thumb brushed across my nipple, making it quickly harden. He kissed his way down my neck and lifted the camisole to expose my breast to him. I inhaled sharply as I felt his tongue slither across my breast heading towards my nipple. The tip of his tongue brushed across the sensitive tip of my nipple, causing a shiver to run through my body.

His lips clamped around my nipple as he sucked it into his mouth, causing me to moan. As one hand kneaded my other breast the other skimmed down my body to my thigh. He ran it down my thigh and then back up towards my mound. Once it reached its destination, what I thought were long dead reflex responses sprung into action. My legs quickly closed to bar him entry and to push his hand away.

Edward immediately jumped away, a look of shame and terror on his face. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't…"

I smiled at him, hoping to calm him a bit. "It's okay, Edward. It's been a while since I've been with anyone so old reactions are going to resurface. Don't worry, if they get to be too much I will stop. But right now everything is alright."

He reached over and pulled my camisole down. That was not what I wanted him to do. "No, everything is not alright, Bella. We've dredged up a lot of painful memories the last couple of days. Your subconscious has gone into protective mode; any little thing could set you off. I care about you too much to risk hurting you anymore. You've made a lot progress by accepting your role in what has happened in the past and I don't want to set you back by thinking with my dick. You deserve better than that."

I sat up and swung my legs off of the bed. "I guess I should get going then."

He jump up and ran in front of me as I headed for the bedroom door. "No, wait. Don't go yet."

"Why should I stay, Edward? You made it clear you don't want me. I'm just some broken toy for you to fix."

"God, Bella, I want you so bad it's ridiculous. I'd like nothing more than to make love to you until the sun comes up. And then have you in my bed every night after that. But I will not risk hurting you again. My hurting you once has already led you to more pain than anyone deserves to endure. I can't handle doing that to you again."

I placed my palm on his cheek and gave him a soft kiss. "I forgive you, Edward. You were just a boy unsure of what he had and what he really wanted. I can see that now. Good-bye, Edward." I turned and headed towards the door.

"Please stay, Bella. Please give me one last night to hold you."

"I thought you said…"

He shook his head. "I just want to hold you. Like last night. Nothing more."

"I don't know if I can handle the nothing more, Edward. I want more. I want to share with you something I've only shared with two men since what happened to me. When it started last night it was wanton desire and animal passion that drove me on. Tonight it's about tenderness and caring. Now it's about what I want to do, not what some basic part of me felt it needed to do."

"Bella, there is nothing in the world I want more than to make love to you. But…"

"Why does there have to be a but Edward if it's what we both want?"

"Because of our past, Bella. This could break both of us. I don't ever want to hurt you again. I still love you, Bella. Hell, I don't think I ever stopped loving you. You may still love me too; maybe that's why we both want it so much. But is it truly what we need? You'll be leaving at the end of the week. I don't think I can handle a casual fling with you, Bella. I don't think you could either."

I just stared at him, tears welling up in my eyes. He had indeed grown up into a great man. The little boy who acted without really knowing what he wanted was long gone. And he had great insight. I did indeed still love him. This just made things worse.

God was such a bitch.

But I was still going to get my wonderful moment. Just not the one I had intended on. "I'll stay with you, Edward."

He ran over and hugged me tightly to his chest and breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Bella."

I looked up into his eyes. "I am going to warn you that I will not sleep in my jeans again."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'll give you a pair of my sweats and a t-shirt."

I shook my head. "Nope. I usually sleep nude."

The look on his face was priceless. The classic deer in the headlights look. "I, I…"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry, I'll keep my panties and camisole on."

He let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay."

Edward went to get changed in the bathroom and I took off my jeans and sweater then climbed into bed. Edward soon returned and spooned up against me, his arm wrapping around me.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but who was the other person you slept with? Were you two serious?"

I took a couple of deep breaths before I answered. This wasn't an easy memory for me either. "His name was Tommy Boyd and no, we weren't serious. Actually, we were only together one night, but in a way he did mean a lot to me."

"About two years after I broke up with Sunny I was feeling sorry for myself one night so I decided to go out and get stinking drunk. I walked into this dive bar and went to order a drink. This guy was sitting at the bar with a unit shirt on that I recognized as having served in Iraq, so I bought him a drink."

"He was real sweet. He goes, 'Well, this is a switch, a woman buying me a drink'. I laughed and told him us vets had to stick together. So he comes over to join me and we start trading war stories. He had served a tour in Afghanistan and was getting ready to ship out for his second in Iraq. He was home on a hardship leave. His wife was divorcing him because she couldn't take him waking up in the middle of the night screaming. He had got himself a real winner there."

"We had been drinking and talking for awhile when he told me the reason he had nightmares. A platoon had been pinned down by a sniper and his squad was doing a house to house trying to get him. There was a shot that sounded like it was from the apartment he was in and out of the corner of his eye he saw movement. He turned and fired, killing what he thought was the sniper. But when he checked the body it was a little girl, about seven or eight. It ended up the sniper was one apartment over. He dreamt of her face every night."

"I ended up telling him my story and we ended up spending the night comforting each other. We were just two damaged people who needed each other right then. It was actually pretty special."

"Anyway, the next morning we exchanged emails. We knew that things would never evolve past the one night we had but felt that we needed to stay in touch. We became email buddies and we talked to each other about twice to three times a week. Then about three months into his tour I stopped getting emails. I called a friend of mine who worked in personnel to find out if he was okay. Turns out he was killed in action. He had hesitated in a similar situation like the one that he killed the girl. This time it was the bad guy and Tommy got killed."

I wiped away a tear running down my cheek. It had been the first one I had shed for Tommy or anyone else and it felt good to feel for a change.

I had a feeling that the man whose arms I was currently laying in had something to do with that. I was feeling all kinds of things of late.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I just broke them and made them really messed up individuals.

**A/N: **Again I want to thank the wonderful Hope4more for all her help on making this a great story. And I am extremely sorry that it took so long to get this chapter out but sometimes real life bites you in the ass. I'm hoping to maintain at least a weekly schedule but I can't promise anything. Thanks for your patience and continued support-Bob

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I woke up again in Edward's wonderful embrace and this time I did not ruin it with an instinctual response to prepare myself for an attack. Maybe I was indeed healing. Even with Sunny there would be many a morning I would wake up and jump out of bed, not knowing what was going on and preparing for an enemy that was only in my mind. The morning I woke up with Tommy we both jumped out of bed, ready for a fight. It was a level of hell I hope I have finally passed through.

During the night we must have rolled over since I had ended up on top of Edward again. My head was on his chest and my leg was draped over his thigh. His arm was around my shoulder. It was a position I could truly get used to. I felt safe, a feeling I don't feel often.

But I knew I couldn't get used to it.

Edward's days on this planet were numbered. I couldn't get all warm and fuzzy now. Maybe I should just kill him now and ransack the house, pull all of his computer files, and search for any hard-copies.

That was probably the most sensible thing to do, but I wasn't being too sensible at the moment. In fact, I was anything but. The part of my mind that was in control at the moment wanted to spend every minute I could with Edward before I had to do my job. It was like a good-bye gift to me. I guess I was being a selfish creature, putting my needs and wants first.

Like I said, I wasn't really thinking right.

The Killer Queen, the cool, logical, non-emotional side of my brain screamed for me to cut off all ties and kill him now. Long-lost teenager Bella Swan wanted to runaway and spend the rest of her life with her one true love. Isabella Swan, the combination of the two, wanted to love Edward as much as she could, but in the end she would still do her job.

So far Isabella was in control. But who knew for how long.

I snuggled closer to Edward and ran my hand across his tone chest. The feel of his body under my hand sent a jolt of electricity through my body. I wanted him so bad I could taste it. But it wasn't some primal, hormonal need; it was the need to bond with another human being in the most intimate of ways. It was a way to connect the past with the present and heal all the wounds we had given each other. It would make us both whole again.

At least that is how I felt about it. Edward feels that if we rush into that it will destroy us both. The more I think about it the more I think he's right. If I did sleep with him and then kill him, it would more than likely destroy me.

Or maybe not. Who really knew?

God, I am so tired of this constant battling back and forth between myself. I need to pick a path and stick with it. It's time to just choose what I want and go forward with it. No more of this flip flopping bullshit.

Just then Edward's arm pulled me closer to him and he kissed the top of my head. "Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep last night?"

"Like a log, you?"

"Haven't slept this good in years. I could get used to this."

I rubbed my head into his chest and gave it a kiss. "Hmmm, me too."

He let out a sigh and I turned up to look at him. The look on his face told me that he was fighting with himself on whether or not to say something. "What's on your mind, Edward?"

He looked at me for a minute and then let out another sigh. "I really don't think this is a good time for me to tell you."

Now he had me a little worried, as well as intrigued. "Well, they always say there's no time like the present, so spill it."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he opened his eyes he looked away from me and up to the ceiling. "Would you ever consider moving back to Forks?"

"Would you ever consider moving to LA?" I think I was more shocked by my response than I was at his question. I should have just said no straight up. Instead I challenge him to step up and let me know where he stood on a possible relationship.

I'm such an idiot sometimes. Where's logical Bella when I need her, the one that tells me I am a hired assassin out to kill him. Boy, did I need her now.

He looked back down into my eyes. "If it meant I could be with you again, I'd move to the ends of the earth if you asked me." My heart actually hurt at the sincerity of his words.

I couldn't help but smile; this was something I hated waited years to hear. "LA's far enough. But I wouldn't do that to you. You belong here. That's why you came back. You couldn't live anywhere else and you know it."

He gave me that rakish smile I loved so much. "So does that mean that you'll move back here?" I saw the hope in his eyes and another emotion, one I didn't want to acknowledge...not with what I had to say and do.

I laid my head back on his chest. I couldn't look in his eyes and see the disappointment, if he only knew...he would be much more then disappointed. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Oh. Okay." I could hear the hurt in his voice. He lifted me off of his chest and got out of the bed. "Listen, I'm going to jump into the shower. How about we head to the diner for some breakfast?"

I saw the heartbreak on his face and sadness washed over me as well. What I really want to say was yes, but two usually conflicting parts of the brain told me to say no. One said no because I did not want to lead him on and give him false hope about us. I know that reasoning is totally irrational, but who every said love was logical. The other part, the ice princess, said no in order to hurt him. And from the look on his face it was mission accomplished. And how come I didn't feel better about this? My intentions were to always make him hurt like he'd hurt me.

"Sure, that sounds like a wonderful idea." I threw my game face on. I didn't want to let him know that I saw his pain. I chose to ignore it instead.

I threw on my clothes and headed down to the kitchen. I noticed my pocketbook on the couch and had an oh shit moment.

I had completely forgotten about the surveillance gear in my bag. I needed to get that shit set up before Edward came downstairs. I had been lucky as hell last night that he didn't say anything when he took my hair clips out. That would have been a bit embarrassing. I probably would have had to definitely kill him then.

Quickly hiding the cameras and the bugs in strategic locations, I finished just as I heard Edward leave the bathroom and enter his bedroom. "Bella?"

"Downstairs. Want me to throw on a pot of coffee?" I yelled back while quickly looking around to make sure everything was hidden well and nothing looked disturbed.

"Nah, I can wait until the diner. Just give me a couple of minutes."

I grabbed myself a glass of orange juice and headed for the couch. As I sat there my mind started to play that horrible game of what if. What if I hadn't joined the Army? Would we have gotten married after college like Edward planned? Or what if I had come to Forks to kill someone else? Would I have sought out Edward? Would I have said yes if he had asked me to move back to Forks if the situation was different?

With almost one-hundred percent certainty I can say that the answer to the last two questions would be yes. Edward had played such a big role in my life that I don't think I could have ever come back here without seeing him. Maybe that's why I only came back that once when I knew he wasn't here. And I would give up my current life in a heartbeat to be with him if things were different.

But what I would do in a different situation doesn't matter a hill of beans. I'm stuck in the one I'm in and no amount of wishing and hoping is going to change that. Our fates have been set and there is nothing either of us can do about it.

Edward came down the stairs looking rather sexy in a blue polo shirt and khakis. The only think that threw off the look was the sadness that was in his eyes. And I was the cause of it.

"Ready to go?" He asked his voice still tinged with the hurt I had inflicted on him.

"Yeah, just let me put this glass into the dishwasher."

"Oh, you left your hair clips on the end table. I'll get them."

Oh, shit. "That's alright I'll get them."

I ran out of the kitchen but he was already there. Double shit.

"Huh, I didn't notice last night but the center pin on this clip has glassy ends. Looks like one of those spy cameras you see in those mall stores. You not a spy are you, Bella?"

He gave me his crooked smile and I let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, yeah, that's me. Bella Swan, international woman of mystery."

He laughed, handed me the clips and headed for the door. I stood there for a few seconds to let my heart restart and get my shit together. Dodged a major frikkin' bullet there.

The somewhat somber mood returned once we got into the car. We headed off to the diner and nothing was said the entire drive. The silence swallowed us as we made our way to the diner.

After we sat down I couldn't take it anymore. "Look, Edward, the reason I said no is that I don't belong here anymore. I've changed so much that I could never fit into a place where everyone else knows your business. I like the anonymity of LA. The only people who know me are the ones I let in."

"And you don't want to let me in? I told you I'd move to LA."

I shook my head. "No, that's not the reason, Edward. I just think it's too soon for either one of us to uproot ourselves for the other. We can try the email and phone thing to get to really know each other again. We could visit each other whenever we had the time. And then maybe we could compromise and move to Seattle together." I gave him a little smile that he didn't return.

"That sounds all well and good, Bella, but you know those long distance things rarely work out."

"It'll be just like it would have been if I had gone to college instead of the Army, Edward. Do you want me to tell you can see other people so it can go the way you wanted it to go back then?"

The moment the words came out of my mouth I regretted them. I knew I was playing him along by saying the stuff about trying to make it work, knowing what was going to happen to him, but that last sentence was just plain mean. "Oh, I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to…"

He shook his head and put up his hand to stop me. "That's okay. I more than deserved that. It seems I still have quite a bit more repenting to do before my sins are forgiven."

I gave him another small smile. "I've forgiven you, Edward. Really, I have. But things have changed. A lot. I'm a total bitch now. Stuff like that is going to come shooting out of my mouth from time to time. You're going to need to grow a really thick skin to hang with me, handsome. Are you still willing to try?"

He gave me that damn sexy smile and my knees went weak. "As a matter of fact I am. Bitch Bella a thousand miles away is a lot better than no Bella at all."

I couldn't help but let out a giggle. "You say that now. Let me know how you feel six months from now." What am I doing? I keep encouraging this. I know I had to keep the act up, but this was getting out of hand.

Our food arrived and I was just starting to dig in when the front door opened and I looked up to see who was coming in. My heart stopped for a minute and then went into overdrive. I leapt out of my seat and ran for the door.

"Sunny!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: **Thanks again the Hope4more for all her help and thanks to my loyal group of reviewers. You guys are what makes me keep writing-Bob

________________________________________________________________________"Sunny!"

I launched myself at his massive six and a half foot frame, latching my arms around his neck. I did a quick scan of him, his hair still cut to mil-specs and his copper skin stretching over well defined muscles. "What the hell are you doing here? You're the last person I would of thought I'd run into in Forks."

He hugged me tightly and spun me around. "What kind of half ass greeting is that, Bells? I was expecting something like, 'oh, Sunny, I've missed you so much I want to screw you until my eyes roll up into the back of my head'."

I smacked him in the head but I couldn't resist his contagious smile and I had to laugh. "You wish. Seriously, though, what are you doing here? You avoid this place almost as much as I do. Is everything okay with your dad?"

He set me down and patted my shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, dad's fine. I'm actually in town to help a friend with some work they need to get done."

I really didn't like the sounds of that. I stared hard into his eyes. "Anyone I know?"

He returned my stare and changed the subject. Not a good sign. "So, are you going to invite me to join you for breakfast or what?"

"Sure, sure, come on."

I turned towards the table and Edward was standing up watching us and he didn't look too happy. Why did my life have to be so freaking complicated?

Edward face was hard as stone as he nodded at Sunny and greeted him. "Jacob."

Sunny's face was equally hard as he nodded back. "Cullen."

Well, this was going to be fun. He grabbed a chair from a neighboring table and slid up to our table.

"Nice face, Cullen. Looks like you still have a talent for pissing people off."

"Jacob Black! How fucking rude!" I smacked him in the back of the head.

Edward shrugged. "It's okay, Bella. He can't help it when the savage Indian comes out."

Oh, no, he did not just go there. I looked over at Jake and every muscle in his body was clenched. His jaw was so tight I was afraid I'd start to hear teeth cracking. His hands were clenched into fists and were shaking. He then closed his eyes and took three deep breaths, letting each one out slowly. Then his body relaxed and he opened his eyes.

"I apologize for my rudeness. I should have just asked what had happened instead of making a wiseass comment. I'm sorry."

Both Edward and I watched him in wide eye shock. I was about to say something about his reply when Edward beat me to it. "Who are you and what have you done to Jacob Black?"

Jake let out a laugh. "You're a funny man, Cullen. I guess time has mellowed me out a little."

Edward glanced at me before he talked. "Time changes everyone. I guess that's the one constant in the universe."

"So I guess that means you're no longer the self-centered prick who broke my best friend's heart, huh?"

I was in the middle of taking a drink of orange juice and it came shooting out of my nose and mouth at Jake's comment. "Jesus Christ, Jake. Way to be subtle"

Edward let out a little laugh and smiled. "Glad to see that the years haven't softened you too much. You wouldn't be the Jake Black everyone knows and loves if you completely gave up being an ass. I like to think I'm not that person anymore, yes. I did a lot of growing up after I realized what a big mistake I had made." He looked over at me again, pain and sadness on his face. "And I grew up even more when I learned of the repercussions of my past actions."

Jake casted a look of disbelief in my direction. "So she told you, huh? I'm kind of surprised she did. She usually keeps that shit locked up."

I let out sigh. "It came out kind of unexpectedly."

Jake gave me a look that was part disappointment and part sympathy. "So I'm guessing you face is the result of being in the path of a flashback, huh? You got off pretty lucky, Cullen. She broke my nose so many times I lost count."

I went to smack him in the head again, only this time he dodged out of the way. "What a bunch of bullshit, it was only twice, maybe three times, Sunny."

Now it was my turn to earn a glare from Edward. "I thought you never had a flashback before, Bella. Why lie about something like that?"

"Maybe she didn't want to tell you because she used to wake up screaming 'why did you do this to me, Edward?' beating the shit out of me, thinking it was you."

I couldn't contain my anger and slapped Jake across the face. The entire diner was focused on us. "You had no fucking right to tell him that, Jacob! That was between you and me. Why are you doing this shit?"

"He needs to know how bad he fucked you up." Jacob seethed in return, his hard stare penetrating my soul.

"But she should be the one who tells me, not the guy who tried to replace me and failed."

The world suddenly seemed to be going in slow motion as Jake's seat went flying back and they both were suddenly standing nose to nose. It was going to be a fucking bloodbath.

The owner of the diner came running over and jumped in-between them. "What's going on here? Do I have to call the police?"

Edward held up his hands and moved back towards his chair. "Everything's cool, Ernie. Just a friendly disagreement that got a little out of hand. We're alright now. We won't cause any more trouble. Right, Jake?" He cast a questioning glance in Jake's direction.

"Yeah, we're good. Sorry, Ernie." He grabbed the chair he flung out of his way.

Ernie nodded his head. "Okay. I've known you guys since you were little and you've always been good kids, but any more trouble and you're out of here, understood?"

"Understood. Thanks, Ernie."

Jake slipped the chair under the table. "I guess I better leave."

"No, stay. There is a lot of things we need to talk about to help Bella and perhaps all of us can help her deal with everything she's gone through."

"What, you're a shrink?" Jake had a cocky grin on his face.

Edward shook his head. "I did do a rotation on a pysch ward, but no, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm just a friend that wants to help Bella. And I think you can help her, too."

"She's fine. She doesn't need our help." He calmly answered while staring at the table, keeping his eyes as far away from mine as possible.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. I hate that shit. And no, I'm not fine, Sunny. I'm fucked up beyond belief. People who are fine don't beat the shit out of the men they love or wake up screaming in the middle of the night."

Both men's head shot towards me the moment the words 'men they love' came out of my mouth. The only thing that was different between the two looks was the emotions behind them. Edward's face was full of hope and happiness. Jake's, on the other hand, was full of sadness and longing. Both of them made me feel totally craptastic.

"Now that we got that out of the way, why don't we eat breakfast?"

Leave it to Edward to play peacemaker even though you could see on his face that he was still pissed off. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he started talking again.

"So, why didn't you tell me Jake was Sunny?"

"Would it have mattered?" I mumble with a mouth full of food.

"Yeah, Bella why do you call me as Sunny? Cullen is curious and I want to know." Jake asked with a smug smile that stretched his whole face.

"You already know why, dumb ass." Then I glanced over at Edward and he quirked a brow. My shoulders slumped in defeat and decided to answer him. "It was because during my darkest days, he was my sun, lighting up my life. He was my reason for getting up and continuing on. There were many days I didn't know if I could, but when he came around I knew I had to try. So that is how he got the name Sunny." I cleared my throat and took a chance at looking up.

Edward nodded his head, "I guess that makes sense then, but it still would have been nice to know that Sunny was Jake."

"Why does it matter? I mean, I told you about him and what he meant to me. Isn't that what really counts? What's the difference if you knew him or not?"

Jake snorted. "It's a guy thing, Bells. You wouldn't understand."

"Yes, my understanding of your idiotic customs is indeed quite limited. Why don't you educate me?" I snapped with a roll of my eyes.

It was Edward who answered me. "We're rivals for you, Bella. It matters."

"Oh, so is that why you guys have been having a pissing contest since he got here? You've both showing your inner caveman and trying to stake your claim?"

They both shrugged their shoulders and answered at the same time. "Yeah."

I couldn't help but shake my head. "Men are fuckin' morons."

Edward did the look at the watch and pull out the wallet thing again. "Shit, I got to get to work. You almost finished?"

"Why don't you go and I'll have Jake drop me off at your house to pick up my car."

They both looked at me like I had two heads.

"Christ, it's just a freaking ride guys. It's not like I'm going to fuck him in the backseat or anything. I'm too old for that shit."

Jake started to choke on his steak and I was almost afraid I was going to have to Heimlich his ass.

Edward just let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. I could see the vein in his head throb. "You have indeed gained a way with words, Bella. Giving her a ride ok with you, Jake?"

"Sure, sure, no problem." He answered as he continued to clear his throat.

"Okay. I'll give you a call later. Bye." He gave me a kiss on the head and turned to Jake. "Well, I'd say it was a pleasure, but I'd be lying. See you around, Jake."

"Not if I see you first, Cullen." I rolled my eyes and Edward left the diner. "I'll never know what you see in that jackass."

"People often said that same thing to me about you. Now, let's get down to business. Did Mike fucking call you to bail me out?"

Jake kept working on his bloody steak and eggs, his expression never changing. "Actually it was Jess. She didn't want to go through official channels so she called me."

'Dammit. I told them not to call another team in."

"I'm not another team, Bells. This is all on the down low. Off the radar. Officially, I'm retired as a shooter so I wouldn't be here if another team was called in. I just make up dossiers and assign shooters now."

"So, you're the fucker that sent me to do Edward. Do you really hate me, I mean him that much? Are you really that malicious, Sunny?" It came out as a hiss since I said it through clenched teeth.

"Oh, I hate the guy and want to see him dead, but I wasn't the one who prepped the dossier or assigned you. That came directly from the Three Stooges."

I learned back into my chair and covered my eyes with my hands. "Shit. I knew something was going down. This felt too much like a set-up, a test of some sort."

The Three Stooges was the derogatory nickname that we had for the three men that run our little wet works outfit. Supposedly they worked their way up from being shooters, but I suspected that they were just slimy political types who backstabbed their way to the top. Any way you looked at it, though, they had the power and I didn't.

"I would say that's it's a safe bet they expect you to fail, especially since they have a cleaning crew all ready to go. You're on the clock, sweetheart."

"Shit. Do you know how long I have?" I nervously chewed my lip while I awaited his answer.

He shrugged. "My source says if it ain't done by Sunday, they come in on Monday. But I wouldn't trust that."

I sat and leaned on to the table. "Why not?"

"Our past relationship isn't exactly a secret. They had to have known I would tell you and you would probably wait until the weekend to make it look like you didn't know. If they come in and hit him before you do, you're done."

"So you think they're trying to burn me?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slow. "It looks that way."

I ran my hair through my chestnut hair. Shit, I had been hanging around Edward too much. "Fuck, I haven't got the data yet. When do you think they'll come?"

"I'd say you have until Friday night. At least that's what I'm giving you to."

I looked at him incredulously. "What?"

He finished a piece of steak and washed it done with a big gulp of orange juice. "If you don't ice him by Friday, I will. The front office doesn't have to know it's me."

I slouched back into my chair. This just got worse and worse. "Fuck, Sunny, I've got this. I don't need your help."

"Like hell you don't. You're fucking the guy for Christ's sake, Bella. And you're falling for him again. I know you can be a cold hearted bitch, but I don't think you're that cold that you can kill a guy you're sleeping with and in love with."

"I am not fucking him. We just stayed over each other's house the last two nights. Nothing happened." Well, maybe a little foreplay, but I won't get into that. "And I am not falling for him. It's all just an act."

He let out a snort. "Bullshit."

He was starting to piss me off. "It is not bullshit. I have no feelings at all for him. In fact, I can't wait to kill him. I just have to wait until I get the data."

"Keep telling yourself that and maybe someday it will be true." He commented in a patronizing clip.

"You're an ass, you know that?" My heart was hammering harder in my chest with each new piece of information.

"Yeah, it's one of my more endearing qualities."

I rolled my eyes. "I always thought that was belching the alphabet."

"That's another one. Don't get off the subject, Bells. This guy's sucking you in again. Don't get attached. I can't promise to be there to pick up the pieces this time. Once on that rollercoaster was enough."

"Is that why you want to ice him? So I come running into your arms, thanking you for saving me from having to live through doing it myself? Do you really think that would happen?"

He shook his head. "No. You love him so much that you'd hate me for the rest of your life."

His answer shocked me into silence. It took me a few minutes to regain my voice. It was soft and frail when it finally came back. "Then why are you willing to do it?"

"For the same reason I put up with the sleepless nights and broken noses. I'd do it because I love you more than anything in this life or the next."

What could I say to that? He was willing to have me hate him because he loved me. Me, the woman who used him and then threw him away. I didn't deserve his love. I've know that for a long time. I just wished I could convince him of that.

"You need to put yourself first, Sunny. You need to stop loving me."

"Humph. Like that'll ever happen. Did you ever stop loving him? Even after everything that happened to you?" I sat there in silence. "I didn't think so. What makes you think I could ever stop loving you?"

My heart shattered into a million pieces at that moment. I wish I could have loved him like he deserved to be loved. I felt the one lone tear roll down my face. Sunny reached over and wiped it off, a look of astonishment on his face.

"I've waited six years for you to cry for us. If you being with Cullen let you do that, I guess I could forgive him after all."

He stood up and threw some more money on the table. "That doesn't mean I won't kill him, though."

He reached over and pulled me up out of my chair and hugged me. "Just let me do it, Bella. You don't need to prove anything to me, or anyone else for that matter."

"No, but I do have something to prove to myself." Could I let him go, could I really pull the trigger? Only I knew the answer and I didn't know what it was yet.

He looked down at me and slowly nodded his head. We then walked out of the diner hand in hand.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I just turned the majority of them into stone cold killers.

**A/N: **Thanks again to the lovely and talented (and reformed Amish girl) Hope4more. Also thanks to my small but loyal group of reviewers and everyone who has put me on alert and favorites lately. Hope you enjoy-Bob

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We walked out of the diner and headed to the parking lot and Jake's car. When I saw it I stopped dead in my tracks. "Oh, my God, Jake, you can afford any car in the world but you still have that POS Rabbit. The least you could do is buy one that was made in this century."

He opened the doors and we got in. "Hey, don't mock the Rabbit. It runs and the body is still in decent shape. Plus I made a lot of fond memories in this Rabbit. Especially with Mary Call. God, she was a fine…"

I stuck my fingers into my ears. "La-la-la-la, I'm not listening. Christ, Jake, I don't really want to know anything about you and Mary Call. And isn't she Embry's slutty cousin? If you were banging her back in high school there's probably a good chance your one of her five kids' baby-daddy."

He gave me that whole face grin that I loved so much as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Meowrr, a little catty, are we? I wasn't stupid, Bella. She was hot but with her rep I wasn't going anywhere near her without wearing a raincoat on Mr. Happy, no matter how much she wanted me not to."

I shook my head at him. "I really don't want to hear about you and some skank, Jake."

"Hey, I had to hear about you and the prick all the time. 'Oh, he's so big' and 'oh, I'm so sore from last night', how do you think that made me feel?"

There was a lot of anger and resentment in his voice, although I don't think he meant it to be there. It was well deserved by me though. I had known Jake had a crush on me but he had always been the friend I could tell everything to. I guess I should have left out the intimate details of mine and Edward's relationship. "I know, and I'm sorry I put you through that, Sunny, truly I am. But I was just a young, naive girl talking about something so personal that she could only talk about it with her best friend. Please forgive me, Sunny. I should have been more sensitive to your feelings. " I mumbled the last part under my breath and started to pick at my nails, which Jake knew was a nervous habit I had when I worried about others feelings. Which you didn't do often in this line of work. I threw in the puppy dog look for good measure. That usually helped when he was mad at me.

He shook his head at me and reached to still my hands. "Stop Bella. And that puppy dog shit ain't going to work this time either." He looked at me again and let out a sigh, then smiled. "Okay, it is. But there's nothing to be forgiven for, Bells. I know you didn't do it to hurt me, but I'm not going to lie. It did hurt. A lot. But that's all water under the bridge now. It doesn't matter anymore, right?"

"Why do you still care for me, Sunny? I've hurt you so much over the years. Why do you keep forgiving me?" I focused my attention out the side window, I didn't want to see the look of rejection or hurt on his face...I had seen it enough to last a lifetime.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess love just makes us do strange shit. I just couldn't live without you in my life in some way. Even if it's just the occasional email or Christmas card our relationship has dissolved into. I just need you in my life."

"But you're willing to sacrifice that to kill Edward. Why?" I turned and stared at him intently, waiting to find some type of recognition as to why he really was so willing.

"I already told you." He was throwing crap answers at me, ones with no meaning or substance.

"And I still think it's a bullshit answer. I think you want to do it as payback of some sort."

He shrugged his shoulders again. "Who knows, that might be a part of it. I don't know. But the main reason I'm doing it is to protect you, Bella. Even when you said you hated him I saw the longing in your eyes. And you couldn't commit to me because you couldn't get completely over him. Just image the damage it will do to your already frail psyche if you did kill him."

I was starting to get a little pissed and he could probably here it in my voice. "Oh, a little while ago I was fine, now I have a fragile psyche? Which is it, Jake?"

"Like you said, it was part of the act."

"And like you said, bullshit. I think you're doing this for you."

He turned to me and gave me a hard look. "You can think whatever you want. I know the truth and it's that I don't want you to get hurt again. End of story."

I went to say something but he held up his hand. "I mean it, Bella, discussions over."

We sat in silence for the rest of the drive. Jake just faced straight ahead and his hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight you could see his knuckles go white.

We pulled up to Edward's house and I started to get out of the car. "Hey, why don't you come over to my dad's tonight for dinner? I can get him to make some of Harry Clearwater's fish fry. What do you say?"

"I don't know, Sunny. Billy's not exactly my biggest fan. Every time I try to call him for Christmas he hangs up on me. I broke your heart and he hates me. Even after all this time."

"Yeah, he is a stubborn bastard."

I couldn't help but smile. "Now I know where you get it from."

He gave me a look of indignation. "Moi? Stubborn? My dear madam, you must have me confused with some other studly gorgeous man you were dating."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, yeah, you don't have a stubborn bone in your body."

He gave me that beautiful full face smile. "Not a one. So, how about I take you out to dinner in Port Angeles then?"

"That sounds like a good idea. I need to go up there and brief my team anyway."

"You sure you don't mean punish them for calling me?"

"Oh, there will be some of that too, but the job comes first. I need to see if we can get past the security he's got and look for those files. How does six sound?"

"Works for me. How about Italian?"

"Fine by me."

"Great, I'll make reservations. See you at six at that little Italian place, Bella Italia."

I said good-bye, jumped into my car and headed to my dad's house to pick up a few things for later. I sent out some things I needed to take care of from my laptop but decided to take it with me just in case I needed it. Then I headed out for Port Angeles. It's time to give the kiddies a piece of my mind.

The one thing I didn't like about the ride today that I normally enjoyed was that it gave me time to think about all the shit that was said at the diner and in Sunny's car. If anger and resentment could be harnessed like electricity we could have supplied the US with power for years. A lot of negative vibes flying around today.

And the thing that sucks is that I'm responsible for most, if not all, of it. I'm the central character in this little drama. Everything revolves around me. I literally hold the lives of two men in my hands. That was responsibility I really didn't want but that decision had been mine to make since the beginning of this mess. I fucking hate my life.

I arrived at the Olympic Lodge and headed up to Mike and Jess's room. They were the cause of the latest complication in my life and it really pissed me off. My anger was building as I got closer and closer to the room. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do but I had prepared for several contingencies. The Killer Queen was in control now.

I entered the room and Jess stood up and started to walk towards me. "Bella, I…"

I reached into my bag and pulled out my suppressed PPK and shot her in the knee. She fell to the floor screaming, clutching at her leg. I had used subsonic fragmenting ammunition so there was a good chance she could walk again. I didn't really care one way or another. She had betrayed my trust. Whatever friendship we had was over.

Mike jumped up and it looked like he was going for his gun, but I already had the drop on him. The number one rule in a situation like this is that you cannot out draw a gun that is already pointing at you, so unless you want to get shot, let the person holding the gun speak their peace.

"What the hell did you do that for, Bella?" Mike all but pleaded with me as he looked over at Jess writhing on the floor. You could tell he wanted nothing more take the pain away from her. You could see the love in his eyes.

"I told you that if you called in another team I would put a bullet in your head. Since I didn't directly say that to Jess, I just shot her in the knee. I'm still deciding whether or not to shoot you so I wouldn't piss me off if I were you. Now with your left hand take out your weapon and throw it on the bed and then do the same to Jess. Empty your ankle holsters as well."

He complied and then stood back up. "What now?"

"Now I collect all the intel you gathered and then the two of you run." By the look of surprise on his face I could tell Jake hadn't told them what was going on. "It looks like I'm being burned. They usually take out the whole team so it's probably a good idea that you two get the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible. Keep the phones you have and I'll contact you when I know what the situation is. If you don't hear from me by Monday you'll know I've been burned and am either dead or in the wind."

Mike looked both stunned and pissed. "How the fuck can you go from shooting Jess to acting like you care about what happens to us? You're a fucking psychopath." I felt that familiar tightening in my stomach.

"Actually, I'm probably more of a sociopath, but no need to discuss semantics. Jess betrayed me and in the process put Jake's life in danger. If he's here when the cleaning crew shows up he'll have to decide between them or me. Given our past, who do you think he's going to choose?" They both hung their heads. They knew what the answer was. "I'm hoping to prevent that by killing Edward by Friday but I still haven't a clue where the data is so I don't know if I'll make the deadline."

"You guys have been a great, dependable team. Your only screw up was going against my orders this time. And you already have been punished for that. If you want you can check in to the main office after Monday if you don't hear from me and see if it's ok to go in, but I would say that this was as good as any time to retire. All that may be waiting for you back there is a bullet in the head. It's your choice." I was keeping a calm facade, but I was all but calm on the inside.

Jess looked up at me, tears in her eyes and I don't think they were there from the pain. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I thought that calling Jake would help you, not put him in danger. Your feelings towards Edward were so strong I was afraid you couldn't do it. I didn't want to see you fail."

"Believe me, I understand why you did it, Jess, but I have told you guys time and time again on this job that you can't second guess me. Now we're in a world of shit." I looked at Mike. His chest looked a little bulgy. "You have a vest on?"

"Yeah."

"That's a good idea. Jess should get one on as well. Got the hard plate in?"

He nodded his head. Then I shot him in the chest.

He rolled around on the ground for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

"You needed to be taught a lesson as well. Just be glad I didn't go with my first choice and shot you in the crotch. I'm leaving. I suggest you get Jess bandaged up and do the same. Hit a hospital and say you were out hiking or something and you heard a shot then she went down."

I was getting ready to go but I felt I needed to tell them something else. "You two should go start a life together. I can see you're in love with each other. Go somewhere, get married, start a family. Forget about the horrors you've seen. Don't let what has happened to you in the past destroy you like I let it do to me. Live, be happy."

"Take care of each other. Good luck."

I backed out of the room and got the hell out of the hotel, just in case Mike wanted a little payback. Getting shot tends to really piss people off, even if you're wearing a vest. The kinetic energy from the impact of the bullet still hurts like a bitch. It leaves a nasty bruise and could break bones. Trust me, I know.

I took off out of the lodge's parking lot and headed down to the waterfront. I still had quite a few hours before I had to meet Sunny so I figured I spend some time on the beach. Being near the water always relaxed me and helped me think. And Lord knows I had a lot of shit I had to think about.

I made my way onto the beach and sat down on a drift wood log. That was one thing that was always in abundance on the beaches of this part of the world. I sat and looked out over the ocean, watching cargo ships, fishing boats, and pleasure craft make their way to and from the harbor. It was really a very relaxing thing to watch.

As the ships glided their way across the ocean my mind drifted back to the dire situation I was in. But I suddenly was no longer saddened by it. Things were suddenly crystal clear. I had an epiphany.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N: **Sorry the update took so long but I got sick this week. I might not be doing an update next week either due to various reasons. As always, thanks to Hope4more for all her help and my small but extraordinarily wonderful group of reviewers. Enjoy-Bob

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As soon as my revelation hit me I headed back to the car. I pulled out the laptop and started typing furiously. After I sent out an email I flipped open my phone and made a very important call.

"Jenks."

"Hello, Mr. Jenks, this is Vanessa Black."

"Ah, Miss Black, how wonderful to hear from you again." I could tell by the tension in his voice that that wasn't really the case. "What can I do for you? And please, call me Jay."

"Actually, Jay, I was wondering if you had received the packages I sent you, one this morning and one a few minutes ago."

"I know I received the one this morning and everything you requested is in place. I have not seen your recent one, but please give me a minute to check for it." I could hear the click of a mouse and the clacking of a key board. "Ah, yes it has arrived and I am going through it now. Oh, it will be a tough to get that in your time frame but I will try my best."

"I'll give you five hundred if you get it to me by deadline."

"You have my word it will be there. Now, how do you want me to handle your insurance issue?"

"Send out the letter of intent on Friday and file it on Monday if you don't hear from me by then."

"I do hope you are able to resolve your issues amicably. You are a wonderful client and I would hate to lose you."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. I was a wonderful client because I gave him an extremely large retainer and I always paid in cash. "Thank you, Jay. I'll be in touch."

I hoped.

Part one of my plan was in motion. Now I just had to wait to see if I had to use part two. That will all depend on who moves when on Friday. I really don't feel like getting into a shoot-out.

Now that I had everything out of the way I can get crazy about my dinner with Sunny. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of finger pointing and a lot of disparaging comments about Edward. That was another thing that I had fucked up. Before I had met Edward Jake and he actually used to be friends. Not super close, but they were friends. They played Pee Wee football, Little League, and shit like that together. Now they hated each other. Because of me. Just one more thing to make the bobsled to Hell go faster.

I reached into my bag and took the suppressor off of the PPK and changed magazines. The last magazine had been task specific. The frangible round for Jess and a hollow point for Mike. He was going to have a big ass nasty bruise tomorrow.

After I slapped the new magazine full of Teflon coated rounds into the well, I left it in my bag. Just in case we had any unexpected guests before or after dinner. It looked like nobody was following the rules anymore so I had to prepare for the worst.

I walked into the restaurant about ten minutes to six and Jake was already there waiting for me. Well, the men of my life never keep a lady waiting, I'll give them that. I walked over and gave him a peck on the cheek and sat down. He slid the chair in for me like a gentleman.

"So, Bells, how've you been? I haven't heard from you in months."

Oh, here we go. "You know how to use a phone or a computer. You could have contacted me."

He nodded his head a few times. "True, but it seems like I'm the only one who seems to reach out. Except at Christmas time. I'll give you that one."

I let out a sigh and gave him a hard look. "This is why we only see each other outside of work every two or three years, Sunny. You pull the same lame ass bullshit every time. 'Oh, you never call, you never write, I miss you'. It makes you sound like a little whiny bitch, you know that, right? You need to drop it. We'll never work the way you want us to."

Every muscle in his body pulled tight as anger crept through his body. He locked eyes with me, his dark orbs penetrating my soul, and an emotion that I never thought I'd see him aim at me came across his face.

Hatred.

Truth be told I had always wished he would hate me for what I had done to him. That way he could have moved on with his life and we wouldn't be in this nebulous state where we are friends but can't get around our past or the feelings we had for each other. He was still hanging on to a thin hope that I will come back to him someday. I knew it was never going to happen, but I was guilty of stringing him along, giving him that glimmer of hope from time to time, because a part of me needed him in my life.

Even though what I said needed to be said, I wish I died in that shithole in the desert all those years ago. He didn't deserve the hell I put him through.

He got up, did the customary guy thing of throwing some money on the table, and started to walk out of the restaurant.

"Sunny, wait!" I took off after him and grabbed him by the arm to turn him towards me. ""Sunny, I'm…"

His arm came up and his index finger was about an inch from my face, shaking violently. His face was a mask of pure anger as he spoke through gritted teeth. "Don't you ever call me that fucking name again!" Growling, he pulled away from me and stormed out of the restaurant.

I stood there in shock for a few second before my brain re-engaged and I went after him. I got to the parking lot just in time to watch him put his fist through the driver side window of a Porsche 911. "Jake! What the hell are you doing?"

"Back off, Bella. It's none of your business."

This got me pissed. "I got a newsflash for you asshole, you'll always be my business, whether you want to be or not. You're my best friend, goddammit."

He turned to me and started waving his arms around. "Oh, now I'm your best friend again? A minute ago I was the whiny bitch who didn't deserve you."

"I didn't say you didn't deserve me. I said it would never work the way you wanted it to. The truth is that I don't deserve you. I'm too damaged. You deserve better."

The hatred, if it was possible, intensified on his face. "Oh, you're too damaged for me, but you're not damaged enough for Cullen?"

I let out a sigh and looked down at my feet. It always seemed to go back to Edward, didn't it? "Edward is one of the reasons I'm damaged. It would only make sense that he would be the one to help me fix myself. But that's kind of moot given what we're here to do, isn't it?"

I walked up to him and put a hand on his face, which he quickly pushed away. "God, Jake, I wanted so much to love you like you deserved. I wanted to marry you and have kids, but I couldn't. No matter how hard you tried there was that one small hole in my heart that you couldn't fill and until it was I couldn't love you completely. You said it didn't matter, but we both know that it would have. You would have resented knowing you would always be number two in my heart and that would have eventually have driven you away from me."

The hatred cracked but the anger was still there. "That's bullshit. I…"

I shook my head. "You know it's not. Every chance you got you bad mouthed Edward, Jake. Over and over you brought up every little thing he ever did wrong to me."

"Oh, like I was alone in that. You did a pretty good job pointing out his flaws."

"You're right. I did do that. But I was a woman scorned. You had an agenda. You tried to kill the love I still had for him by constantly bringing up all his faults. Hell, you still do that now and we haven't been together in over six years. And even though you don't want to admit it, that's why you're here now. You want to be the one to finally eliminate Edward from my life. This is your revenge on him. You're last chance to have me all yourself."

He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and let out a long breath. "What do you want me to fucking say, Bella? That you're right? Who knows? Maybe you are. Maybe I am letting personal feelings cloud my judgment and maybe deep down I hope if he's gone there will be a chance for us. But listening to you now I know there isn't a chance of that happening. There never really was a chance of us ever working once he came into the picture."

Before I realized what was happening his hands were cupping my face and we were locked in a deep, sensual kiss. My body just reacted like it was the right thing to do. I finally pulled away. "Sunny…Jake…I, I…:

He placed a thick finger on my lips to stop me from talking. "Good-bye, Bella. No more half-ass attempts at being just friends. It's time to stop putting ourselves through that hell." He turned and to my surprise opened the door to the Porsche. He looked toward me again, the pain and sadness on his face breaking my heart. "Good-bye, Isabella Marie Swan. I'll never forget you no matter how hard I try."

He got into the car and turned it over. I ran to the door. "Wait, Sunny, it doesn't have to be like this."

Gripping the wheel in a vice-like grip he just stared ahead. "Sunny is dead, Bella. Let him rest in peace."

He threw the car into reverse and I backed away, tears running down my cheeks. I was starting to think that being able to show my emotions might not be the best thing. He turned and looked at me one more time. "You have two days, Bella. Either walk away and let me handle it or do it yourself. Your choice. But don't be here on Friday. It becomes just a job on Friday and under the ROE you become a target if you get in the way. Don't make me have to make that choice."

"I love you, Jacob William Black."

"And I love you with all of my heart. But it just wasn't enough, was it?" He pulled out and drove away.

With that the only sunshine in my life all these years faded to black.

**A/N:** Extra bonus points to anyone who can figure out the link between Jake's Rabbit and the Porsche he had this chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer****:Twilight and all related characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long but here it is. Thanks again to Hope4more for all her help and my loyal reviewers for their support. I know I usually don't do the song thing but this song really has a lot to do with this chapter and the next. Thanks and enjoy-Bob

_If today was your last day  
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?  
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars  
Regardless of who you are  
So do whatever it takes  
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life  
Let nothin' stand in your way  
Cause the hands of time are never on your side_

_If Today Was Your Last Day, _ Nickleback

After I finally collected myself after Jake left the parking lot, I headed to the liquor store and then made my way to a hotel. I decided it was time to get re-acquainted with my friend Mr. Daniels and I didn't want to wait the extra hour a trip back to Forks would take. Hell, I didn't even make it to the room before I cracked the bottle open and took a long pull on it.

I checked my phone and saw that Edward had texted a few times and had left a voice mail. He was checking in to see how I was doing and if I wanted to go out to dinner. Truth be told I would have liked nothing more than to do that but there were too many emotions swirling in my heart and I needed to drown them.

I texted Edward that something had come up and that I'd be staying in Port Angeles for the night. I left out the part about being alone in a hotel with a half gallon of bourbon. Didn't really want to get into all that.

Sometime before I passed out I drunk dialed Jake about a half dozen times. The damn voicemail kept cutting me off before I got everything I wanted to say out. Not that anything I said was all that coherent. First there was a lot of crying, then yelling, and finally some more crying, asking for his forgiveness. He never picked up or called back. I was shocked at that, as he usually always picked up after we had a fight, even if I was drunk dialing, which was all the time unfortunatly. It looked like I had finally taken him past his breaking point.

The next morning I woke up on the floor next to a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels in a puddle of vomit. Wouldn't my parents be so proud of their little girl? I pulled myself up, finished the bottle, and headed for the shower. I just stood there under the hot water, fully dressed to get the puke off, waiting for the bourbon to kick in to ease the shakes a bit. When it did I stripped off my clothes and let the water rain down on me, wishing it could wash away all my sins.

When I finished I headed back into the room and pulled out a bottle of antacid and ibuprofen out of the overnight bag I always had with me for such occasions. I took a hand full of each, wishing I had had the foresight to pick up some Coke to finish off Grandma Swan's Old-fashioned hang-over remedy.

I quickly threw on the clothes I packed and headed, stopping at the soda machine to buy two cans of Coke. Faster than you could say monster hang-over they were both done. I let out a very un-lady-like burp but oh did it feel good. The carbonation mixed with the antacids to settle the stomach and the caffeine helped with the headache. Cola was essential to a good hang-over remedy.

Heading into the lobby I went straight to the complimentary continental breakfast to score some much needed coffee and some muffins for the trip back to Forks. I needed something in my stomach to help soak up some of that booze. I was a little leery about driving but I really wanted to get back to the house. Even though I didn't even feel the least bit buzzed I knew my Blood Alcohol Content was going to be through the roof. A half gallon of whiskey tended to take a long time to get out of your system.

The drive was nice and uneventful. Luckily not too many people were on the road and gratefully, no cops. When I finally pulled up to the house I couldn't but feel a rush of joy that I would soon be in my own bed comfortably fighting off the remaining effect of my self-inflicted pain. You would think by now I would have learned that the booze never takes away the hurt, it just adds to it. Well, they do say that the definition of insanity is doing the same action over and over expecting different results each time. Guess I was just nucking futs.

I walked up to the porch and saw that there was a package waiting for me. I carefully approached it and checked the address label. The recipient was V. Black and the shipper was JJA, or J. Jenks and Associates. It was nice to know that half a million dollars definitely ensured prompt and immediate service.

After I checked it for signs that it wasn't tampered with or booby-trapped, I brought it into the house. It was a small flat rectangular box, your typical small overnight delivery box most companies use. I opened it, pulling out the contents and spreading them out on the table.

Laid out in front of me were some of the essential tools one needed when one wanted to travel without anyone knowing where they were going. There were five different passports with corresponding ID's; two sets US, one British, one Canadian, and the other French. There were visas to six different countries for each passport. There was also the equivalent to five thousand US in each of those six countries' currency. Cash was extremely handy when you were traveling under the radar. Corrupt officials rarely accepted checks or credit cards.

Also in the package was a note from Jenks telling me that the rest of my traveling accessories would be delivered by one of his associates at four o'clock. I looked at my watch and saw that was only two hours away. Hmm, maybe I could still catch a nap after I finished up doing the last of my prep work on the comp.

After I put the contents of the package away I got busy on the laptop. I had thirty-two different aliases that I held stock and real estate under. Without anyone knowing it I was the majority stock holder in five Fortune 500 companies. Unfortunately, I needed to be liquid so a lot of stocks and mortgages I held were going to go. I hope I don't crash the market again.

Jenks had already taken care of a lot of the selling and transfer of funds but he couldn't know where the trail ended. He sent them to offshore accounts that were then closed out by my lawyers and then those funds are put into another account under another name. Those funds are shuffled around a few times electronically until another set of lawyers pulls them out of that account and put them into their final destination. The whole process would take about a month or so. It needed to be that long in order to not trip any flags and have regulators come snooping around.

Not that would really matter if I end up dead in two days. You can't prosecute a corpse.

I shook the thought out of my mind and continued with my work. There would be plenty of time to think of what could happen in two days. Right now I needed to think positive. I would do what I had to do then retire from this madness. Maybe even find a shrink to help me deal with all the shit I had been through. Who knows, maybe someday I could even have my happily ever after.

Yeah, right. A girl can dream though, can't she?

There was a knock on the door and I looked at my watch. Four o'clock on the nose. Jenks' men were just as punctual as he was.

I opened the door and was face to face with a man who looked like he walked out of the first Die Hard movie. He was a big, brawny Germanic looking guy with a long blond ponytail. "Hello, are you Miss Black?"

He even had a German accent. I'd lay money his name was Klaus or Franz. "Are you with Jay?"

"Yes, ma'am." He lifted up two bulging duffle bags. I knew they were heavy but he lifted them like they were nothing. "I have your packages right here. Where would you like me put them?"

I moved over so he could come into the house and pointed towards the living room. "You can put them by the couch."

He put them done down by the couch and I got a good look at a very taunt ass. I may have to send Jenks a fruit basket for his choice of delivery boy. "I have one more package for you. It's in my pocket." He cocked his head and gave me a look like he was looking for permission. "May I?"

It was nice to see Jay hired people who knew the rules of the games. Reaching into your pocket unexpectedly could get you dead real quick in our world. "Go right ahead."

He reached into his jacket, pulled out a set of car keys and handed them to me. "There is Cayenne outside for your use. Jay said it was a customer appreciation present. There is a note in one of the bags explaining the particulars of ownership and such. It is armored up to Secret Service specs so it should be able to handle the situation you need the other two bags for. Good luck." He shook my hand and left.

I looked out the window real quick to check out the Porsche. It wasn't exactly the prettiest thing in the world but it would attract a lot less attention from the cops then say an Escalade. Plus it was fast on the road and could go off-roading when needed. That comes in handy in this neck of the woods.

I walked back to the couch and opened up the duffel bags and pulled out the note from Jenks. It said the Porsche was owned by an untraceable dummy corporation and was for all intents and purposes mine. He went on to say that he thought it might come in handy and it was on the house. He also said the he hoped I wouldn't have to test the endurance of its special features. That made two of us.

Grabbing a few smaller bags that I had picked up, I started sorting out the goodies. There was a nice variety of toys, ranging from assorted firearms to explosives, electronics, and tactical apparel. If someone throws a party you want to make sure you have the right party favors.

After getting everything into its appropriate color coded bag, I started loading up the Cayenne. I then emptied out the rental and wiped it down to remove finger prints. After that I put some more clothes into my overnight bag and headed out.

I texted Edward and suggested Chinese takeout and a movie at his place. I didn't tell him I was planning on staying the night but he'd figure it out. Everything would go a lot smoother if I stayed at his place. I could achieve my objective and get a jump on running from the team that was waiting out there for me.

I trusted Jake more than any person in the world but I didn't trust the people we worked for as far as I could throw them. The feeling that this whole thing was a set-up to take me out kept getting stronger and stronger. I knew I had to do what I had to and rabbit.

Edward texted back and said that was a good idea. I texted back that I would pick up the movie and he should order the food. He said okay and I headed to the video store via the liquor store. It was only fair I'd replace the Knob Creek we drank the other night. Okay, I like bourbon, so sue me.

I picked out three movies, an action adventure, a chick flick, and a comedy, to cover most tastes. I would have got a thriller and a horror movie but they would only let me rent three since I didn't have a local license.

As I made my way to Edward's Nickleback's If Today Was Your Last Day came on the radio. I hoped to God it wasn't a sign of things to come.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all relate characters are the property of Stephanie Meyer.

**A/N:** Thanks again to Hope4more for all her wonderful help and her Amish goodness. Also thanks to my wonderful reviewers and all the folks who've added the story to favs or alerts. I think this is a chapter many of you have been waiting for so let's get to the fun. Enjoy-Bob

_If today was your last day  
and tomorrow was too late  
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?  
Would you live each moment like your last?  
Leave old pictures in the past  
Donate every dime you have?  
Would you call old friends you never see?  
Reminisce of memories  
Would you forgive your enemies?  
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?  
Swear up and down to God above  
That you'd finally fall in love  
If today was your last day_

_- If Today was your last day, _Nickleback

I pulled into Edward's driveway and got all of the shit I needed together. There was the liquor, the movies, my overnight bag with added gear, and a duffel bag full of stuff I would need to complete my objective and move forward with my plan.

Edward opened the front door with a smile as he saw me, then his eyes dropped down to the bags I was carrying. Then he looked at me; then back at the bags. The poor boy had the deer in the headlights look again. "Don't worry, I'm not moving in. I'll explain it to you later."

Before I could do anything to stop him he grabbed the bag I definitely didn't want him to handle out of my hand. "Jesus Christ, Bella. What do you have in here? Rocks?"

I gave him a nervous laugh. "Yeah, something like that."

We set the bags by the couch and I sat down. I pulled out the movies and the bourbon. "I got Elektra, The Whole Nine Yards, and Thelma &Louise."

He went to the kitchen and came back with a bucket of ice, two rocks glasses and dishes for the food.. "Wow, that's quite the violent collection of movies you got there."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Eh, they're just some of my favorites. You're lucky I didn't get Reservoir Dogs or The Professional." He quirked a half smile to my response.

He poured us both about two fingers of bourbon and was about to add some ice. "No thanks, I'll take it neat."

I grabbed the glass and sucked it all down in one shot. I slid the glass back to Edward. "Hit me again, Mister Bartender."

He was shaking his head. "Damn, Bella."

"What can I say, I enjoy good bourbon. Hell, I also enjoy bad bourbon, but that's neither here nor there. I like to drink. Big deal." I shrugged it off, trying to reflect that I didn't _think_ it was a big deal. I knew he probably thought otherwise.

"Oh, I don't mind that you drink. It's just it should be sipped and enjoyed. Not guzzled."

"I'm not much of a sipper. Except Manhattans. Those I tend to sip for some reason."

Edward stood up and grabbed the bottle. "Okay then, I'll make us a pitcher of Manhattans." Great, he probably thought I had a drinking problem as well. And the list keeps growing...

As he headed to the kitchen I got up to get the movie ready. "So what do you want to watch first? Comedy, action, or chick flick?"

"Action. Jennifer Garner is smoking hot in that red outfit."

"Eh, I think they should have used the costume from the comic. That's much hotter."

He walked in with a glass pitcher and poured us both a glass before putting it on the coffee table. "True that. But I don't think Jennifer would have liked it. Especially since she was pregnant when they were filming."

"Still, it would have been cooler if they kept closer to the comics visually." The menu came up and I plopped myself down onto the couch next to Edward. "Oh, well. No sense crying over spilled milk."

We ate dinner and then I grabbed my glass, pulled my legs up and snuggled up next to Edward. He put his arm around me and pulled me in closer. We had spent countless nights like this as kids and it felt as right now as it did then. It was like this was the real expression of the love we felt for each other, how comfortable we fit together. I never realized something as simple as sitting close together on a couch could mean so much.

We sat and watched the movie in silence, just enjoying the presence and closeness of the other. I got so caught up in the feeling that I almost forgot my reason for coming back and what I soon had to do.

Almost.

It was still in the back of my mind but my focus was on the present. I would not let the future, or even the past, ruin this moment. I deserved it.

The movie finished and Edward got up to change it. "We need a comedy after that one. You know, the thing I can never reconcile myself with in these action movies is when you have a ruthless killer like her who suddenly has this change of heart. I just don't see it happen. You have to be a sociopath to be a killer for hire. I don't think hanging out with some kid and her dad for a few days is going to make you change who you are. It's crazy."

Oh, Edward, if you only knew you had one of those sociopaths right in your living room. You'd be so surprised at what can change us.

"That's the thing you can't get your head around? You can buy the guy with the living tattoos or a blind guy kicking the shit out of a highly trained killer but you can't believe somebody can find redemption in something as simple as being in a family setting again? That's a little messed up, Edward"

"Not really. At least not from a medical stand point. I just don't see somebody like that just walking away from that life so easily, especially once she found out they were her target. She had never once failed a mission, she wouldn't quit like that. That type of person is wired so that once they start something they don't stop until it's finished."

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him. "Oh, know a lot of professional killers, do we?" I said with a sarcastic tone.

He shook his head. "No, but I did do a lot of reading on it when I was in med school. I almost changed my major to psychiatry because I was so interested in it."

"Why didn't you do it?" From what I had seen, he would have been good at it.

Shrugging his shoulders he started the next movie. "My mom got sick again. The reason I had gone into medicine in the first place was to help women like her. I couldn't do that as a shrink."

I gave him a smile. "So now you just use it on friends, huh?"

He gave me that smile I loved so much. "Only on the ones I really care about."

I think I actually blushed at that. I felt like a teenager. Time to rein that shit in. "What if I told you I was a professional killer and I wanted to give it up for you? Would you think it was possible for me to change or would you run screaming out of the house calling the cops?"

He had a big toothy grin on his face as he sat down. He took his hand and rubbed his chin as he contemplated my question. "First off that's just utterly ridiculous. You'd never be a killer. You just don't have it in you."

It took all of my strength to keep from laughing in his face. Guess it's good he opted out of psychiatry. He couldn't read people for shit. "But what if I was?"

"If you were I'd take the chance and help you find your redemption." His eyes were truthful when he stared back at me, I was worried that he might see how true my statement was.

"Why would it be different for me? Doesn't she deserve redemption, too?" Damn, I am good at deflecting.

"The difference is that I would know how you were like before you were a killer and it would be possible for me to help change you back to that person."

I really wished that it could be that easy. It's all well and good to say how you think you will handle a situation, but it's entirely different when it hits you in the face. Most people folded like an umbrella when they were faced with a situation they thought they could handle. "That's nice to know. Someday when I let you know my deepest, darkest secrets I'll mention this conversation as you're freaking out."

He let out a little laugh. "No need to do that, Bella. I don't think anything you tell me could freak me out. I'm pretty good at handling stressful situations."

Man, was I tempted to show him the contents of the duffel bag of 'rocks' he himself had carried into the house. Let's see how he handled that stressful situation. Luckily the movie started. "Anyhoo, let's watch the movie."

He rolled his eyes. "Great more killers."

"Well, at least these guys will make you laugh as they kill."

Edward poured each of us another drink and we settled back into our previous position of me snuggling up to him. I guess I was more worn out than I thought as sometime during the movie I fell asleep. I woke up as Edward was leaning down to put me into his bed. "Hmm, I see your diabolical plan now. Take advantage of me as I'm sleeping."

He gave me that sly crooked grin of his. "Damn, you're on to me."

I pulled his head down to me and I gave him a deep soulful kiss. "You don't have to wait until I'm sleeping."

"Bella, I…"

"Stop thinking with your head, Edward. Listen to your heart for a change. I want this, you want this. Like that Nickleback song says, live each moment like it's your last. Enjoy the moment, Edward." I kissed him again and he sank down to the bed, pressing his body onto mine. It looked like the heart was winning.

Our hands starting searching each other's body slowly, each new place they went sparking memories of the past, increasing the passion of the present. Soon it became apparent that we were wearing way too many clothes and we started to strip each other slowly, exploring the newly exposed flesh of the other as it presented itself. We were learning each other's body all over again.

Finally we were both naked and Edward was nibbling on my ear, which was driving me wild. I reached down to stroke his already hard cock and he groaned into my ear, inadvertently adding to my growing arousal. He then kissed his way down my neck, gently biting and sucking it, causing moans of pleasure to escape my lips. He then kissed his way down to my breast and took a nipple between his lips, sucking it hard into his mouth. I arched my back into him, causing him to suck even harder.

His hand caressed my thigh as he continued his assault on my breasts. He slowly spread my legs apart and cupped my sex with his hand. He lazily dragged a finger up and down my slippery slit, getting deeper with each pass. Then one finger slipped in and a few minutes later it was joined by a second. The pleasure was building inside of me when he curled his fingers inside of me, hitting my g-spot, as his thumb rubbed against my clit. I screamed out his name as I came.

I pulled his head up and gave him another kiss. "I need you inside of me."

He huskily replied, "I. I don't have any protection."

I was told by the doctors that do to the damage inflicted by my rapist I would never have children. I wasn't about to tell Edward that. I knew he would stop instantly. I wanted this too badly to stop now. It was one more lie that I'd have to ask forgiveness for. "It's okay. I'm on the pill."

He nodded his head slightly and kissed me as he positioned himself between my thighs. I was glad he had brought me to orgasm before he penetrated me. It had been so long and he wasn't exactly small. Even being as wet as I was I let out a small cry as he slid into me.

Edward stiffened on top of me, a look of panic on his face. "Are you alright? Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head and brought a hand up to caress his face. "I'm okay. Just go slow at first okay? It's been awhile. I'm getting flashbacks to our first time." I could feel the blush coming back to my cheeks. I really never could control that around him.

His smile came back to his face. "I love you as much now as I did then." My heart faltered at his admission.

He slowing pulled out of me and gently eased back in. After a few minutes I had become used to him. "Faster, Edward. Please." I panted in a strangled whisper.

He increased his tempo as he sucked on one of my nipples as he caressed my other breast. I ran my nails down his back as my pleasure grew. Wrapping my legs around his waist I pulled him deeper into me. This spurned him to drive harder into me.

I felt so complete with him inside of me, like we were two pieces of the same puzzle. We were truly making love. We were one.

He started to slow his pace. "Oh, Edward, don't stop. I'm so close."

"So am I." He grunted as he resumed his former pace.

When the orgasm hit me my inner walls clenched tightly around Edward and I felt him pulse inside of me and goose bumps covered his body. We both cried out the others name as we had our release.

Contrary to what romance novels would have you believe, mutual orgasms were a pretty rare thing, so I took this as further proof that we indeed belonged to each other.

The only question that remained now was, how long would we be together?

Edward rolled over and pulled me on top of him, his now softening cock still inside of me. I wanted us to maintain that connection as long as we could. He gently stroked my hair as his other arm held me tight to him. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart. "I'd give my soul to spend the rest of my life just like this with you." He whispered into the darkened room.

My heart, if it was possible, broke even more at his words. Depending on what the next day would bring he might get close to getting his wish.

I started to kiss his chest and worked my way to his neck. I clenched my muscles around his member and ground myself into him. I was going to make this a night neither of us would ever forget.

We finally fell asleep around oh-dark-thirty. I was sore as hell, but oh, man, was it worth it. It was like something out of a porn video. Some of the positions we got into I didn't think were possible but we managed them with some spectacular results.

I woke up around seven, the sheets tangled around me, head on Edward's chest. I gently got up and made my way to the bathroom. After peeing I jumped into the shower. The hot water felt so good on my achy body. When I finished I put on his robe and headed downstairs to cook breakfast. I checked in on Edward and he was still sound asleep.

I was just about to put the pancakes on the griddle as I heard Edward come down the stairs. He stopped in the door way of the kitchen looking sexy as hell. His bronze hair was a shaggy mess on his head and he was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs that did very little to hide the morning wood. "And you can cook, too. You ARE the perfect woman."

He came over and gave me a deep kiss. And after that it was off to the races.

We decided it was best to eat in the dining room since the kitchen table was a little…unsanitary at the moment.

After we cleaned up and put the dishes into the dishwasher, I decided it was time to get down business. I walked over to the couch and picked up the bag full of death and destruction. "Edward, when you said if I was a killer and wanted to find redemption with you you'd help, did you mean it?."

He gave me a look like I was crazy. "Well, it was a hypothetical question, but, yeah, sure, I'd help you."

"What if I told you it was like the movie? That I was hired to kill you but I fell back in love with you and now want to start a new life with you? Would you go on the run with me?"

He laughed. "I think you had one too many Manhattans last night, hon. You're getting fantasy mixed with reality. Although I would love to see you in that red outfit."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I just rolled my eyes. He really could be an ass sometimes. I guess I was just going to have to show him. I unzipped the bag and pulled out an H & K MP-5K PDW. I flicked open the stock and charged the bolt, sending a round from the short fifteen round magazine into the chamber. "Does this look like fantasy or reality?"

For a few seconds there I thought he was going to pee himself. His eyes were as big as dinner plates and his jaw hovered somewhere by his knees. There is nothing like the sound of a firearms action being worked to instill fear in even the toughest of people.

He continued to stare blankly at me and I was afraid he was going into shock. "Edward, are you alright?"

He blinked and shook his head as if to clear all this madness away or maybe he was answering my question. "It's true? You were going to kill me?"

I gave my answer point blank, no more messing around. "Yes."

"Why?" His voice faltered at the simple question.

"Some people make too much money treating cancer. Curing it would cut into their profit margin." I shrugged indifferently, like it was all so simple.

He suddenly started pacing back and forth across the living room, his hand almost continuously running through his hair. Here came the freaking out part.

"So was last night just a good-bye fuck before you kill me?"

I shook my head. "No. The part about seeking redemption with you is true as well."

He stopped pacing and went stock still, rigid. "Then why the fuck did you bring a goddamn arsenal into my fucking house?" His voice was getting higher and higher the madder he got. Could I blame him?

"Just like in the movie Edward they are going to send people after us to kill us. I don't have mad ninja skills but I can castrate a gnat with just about any firearm in the world."

He went back to doing the hair and pacing thing. "How many people have you killed, Bella?"

"Does it matter?"

"Fuck yeah it matters."

I let out a deep breath. "No, it doesn't." I folded the stock back up and put the weapon away. "I guess you made your choice. Give me time to get dressed and a half hour head start then pull out every penny you can out of your accounts and run like hell. Maybe if you disappear and the drug doesn't come out they may call off the dogs, but I wouldn't count on it." I grabbed both bags and headed upstairs to change.

"Bella, wait."

I stopped on the stairs and turned to look down at him. The look on his face made him look like a lost puppy dog. "I'll go with you."

"Don't do this because it might save your ass or it's the quote, right thing to do, Edward. Do it because you love me."

"I am. I guess you did have to remind me of our conversation after all." He gave me a weak smile that I couldn't help but return.

"Then get your ass in the shower. We have to get a move on. I have a lot to show you before we go."

Edward took a quick shower and then packed an overnight bag. After he was done with that I started dressing him.

I pulled out body armor for him and me. "Here, put on a t-shirt then this. After that put on a button down shirt and tuck it in."

As he did that I pulled out other goodies. "I know you used to go hunting as a kid but have you ever shot a pistol before?"

"Yeah, Carlisle and I used to go to the range to shoot all the time."

"That's good to know. Are you any good?"

"Well, I might not be able to castrate a gnat but I can get a three-inch grouping at twenty-meters."

"That'll work." I handed him an H & K USP in a holster that would fit in the small of his back and a pouch holding two spare magazines. "Put that on and check it out so you are used to operating it."

He put the holster in his belt and pulled out the pistol. He checked out the safety then worked the action and the magazine release a few times. After that he put it back in the holster.

I quickly gave him a rundown on the operation of the weapons I'd have with us both as a safety measure and to insure he would be able to use them if I was killed. I once was ready to kill him but now I was ready to die for him. Isn't it funny how life works out sometimes?

After the lesson Edward went downstairs with the bags as I put my rig on. I had a Remington 870 U.S. Marshal Service Witness Protection shotgun tucked under my left arm and a USP under my right. The pouches holding the spare ammo and a combat knife where already on the custom made shoulder rig. I had ordered it from Jenks before and he always kept one on hand for me. As an added precaution I put my PPK in an ankle holster and another USP in the small of my back. It always paid to have back-up.

Just as I put on my coat the doorbell rang. I ran out of the bedroom and started down the stairs. I yelled for him to not open the door but he already was opening it as the words came out. I flew down the stairs, pistol drawn. I saw Edward fly backwards and land on the ground. I screamed no as I reached the bottom of the stairs, the barrel of a suppressed pistol pointed at me.

I started to bring the pistol up to fire when I saw the gunman's face and stopped.

It was Jacob Black.

**A/N:** Just wanted to let everyone know that there is only one chapter and the epilogue left. I know, I'm sad, too. Thanks again for your support-Bob


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer**: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters. I just took them for a wild ride.

**A/N: **This is the End. Well, almost. I still have the epilogue. But everything gets wrapped up in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it and that it lives up to your expectations. And as always, thanks to the moose lovingHope4more for all her help and my loyal reviewers for their support. It helped me finish this and not abandon it.

For fans of _False Dawn _I will start it up again in December. National Novel Writing Month is almost upon us and I need to get an idea for my novel. For those who don't know what it is, National Novel Writing Month (November) is when crazy people (i.e. writers) like myself spend thirty days churning out a 50,000 word original novel out. This is great for people who are afraid to take that step and plunge into writing. Most of the novels are off the wall ideas people just have bubbling inside of them that need an outlet to get out. And you don't have to show anyone if you don't want to. More details at www(dot)nanowrimo(dot)org .

Sorry for the long A/N. Now on with the show.

If man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live  
-_Martin Luther King_

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden where the flowers are dead-_Oscar Wilde_ __________________________________________________________________________

The split second of hesitation was all that Jacob needed. I felt the slug slam into the vest and I was thrown backwards. It didn't penetrate, but fuck, did it hurt. It was still better than having a bullet rip through my chest.

I lay there, sprawled out on the steps for a few moments, trying to catch my breath. Falling back and hitting my head on the stairs had disoriented me a bit and I tried to recover my senses to get ready for his next move. But I was too late. I felt my gun being pulled from my hand and Jake's face appeared in front of mine.

"I don't know if the bugs are still active so don't move. Play along."

He spoke through his teeth and it was in a whisper. My foggy brain was still processing what he had said when I suddenly realized I was looking down the barrel of a suppressed pistol. I just closed my eyes and waited for the darkness to take me.

I heard the report and felt wood impaling my face as something crashed through the stairs next to my head. My whole body shuddered but I fought the urge to yell out. It had just clicked in my head what he had meant. I would just lie here and play dead.

A few minutes later Jake's voice rang in my ear. "Okay, it's clean. You guys can get up now."

"What the fuck? Is every one I know a fucking killer bent on taking me out?" Edward asked as he was rocking on his hands and knees.

I heard Jake's booming laugh. It was a nice sound to hear. "Nope, just us."

I smacked him in the arm. "Thanks for the warning, asshole."

"Hey, you should be happy I didn't double tap you and your boyfriend in the head like I was going to. Lord knows it took all my will power not to do it to Cullen anyway. It sure would have made my life a hell of a lot easier."

Edward had stood up and was back to doing the hair and pacing thing again. That shit was starting to get annoying. "Would somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

Before I could answer him Jake started talking. "Well, the short version is Bella decided her life wasn't worth living without your sorry candy ass and is risking it trying to save you. God knows why, you're as useless as tits on a hog."

We both rolled our eyes at him. "Anyway, I, your savior, am a total fucking moron who is putting his ass on the line because I'm desperately and madly in love with Bella and want to see her happy and whole again, even if that means she ends up with a dickhead like you. That all, of course, depends on whether or not we survive the shit storm we currently find ourselves in."

"But why the fuck did you have to shoot us?" Edward paused to ask.

"Because Bella was acting like a guy and thinking with her dick. She hasn't swept her house or yours for bugs or noticed I've been tailing her for the last three days. But the main reason I had to shot you is that there is a surveillance team parked out front with a team of shooters waiting to take your asses out if I didn't make like I was doing it first." He shook his head and let out a sigh. "No wonder they set you up to see whether you still had your edge, because you have definitely lost it. You made major rookie mistakes on this job, Bells."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it the fuck up. What do you mean she was set up?"

Edward was just about shouting now and his hands were flailing about. Good thing he sound proofed the place and put up blackout curtains or the whole neighborhood would know what was going on. Round two of the Freak-out.

Edward turned towards me. "What does he mean you were set up, Bella?"

Now it was my turn to let out a sigh. "What it means is that someone, most likely our head boss, Aro Volteri, purposely gave me the task of killing you knowing our former relationship and hoped I would fail so they could take me out."

"How did wolf boy over there get involved?"

I swear to God I thought Jake growled at him. Quiliute legend holds that they are descendant from wolves and Edward used to, and obviously still does, call Jake wolf boy, not wolf man, to get a rise out of him. And apparently it still works.

"Please don't call him that, Edward. You know it pisses him off. Jake got involved when my team called him telling him I needed help taking you out so I wouldn't get in trouble. That was before we found out they had already sent a cleaner team to take me out."

At this point Edward put his hands over his ears and started to shake his head. I was afraid I was going to have to sedate him. "This is defiantly off the scale on the weird-shitometer. So if there is a team of secret assassins out there, how the hell are we supposed to leave?

"That, my dear Cullen, is the million dollar question. I'm thinking we might just have to Butch and Sundance it."

"I think he's right. That might be our only option." I replied while chewing my lip in earnest.

Edward looked at the both of us like we just told him there was no such thing as Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny for the first time. "You guys have seen the movie, right? It didn't turn out too well for them; what makes you think it'll work for us?"

I gave Edward a big toothy smile. "Well, we have something they didn't."

"And what's that?" They both said it at the same time. And I swore I heard them both say jinx under their breathes. I swear to God it was like we were still teenagers.

"An armored Porsche."

I saw Jake's eyes light up and a smile crossed his lips. "And here I thought you just got that because you were jealous of my 911. I didn't realize it was armored. That must have set you back a pretty penny."

"Actually it was a gift from my supplier." We were casually conversing as if we were sitting in a coffee shop talking about our day.

"Damn. All my supplier ever gives me is a bottle of Grey Goose and a fruit basket at Christmas."

Edward cleared his throat and waved his hand at us. "Uh, yeah, hi, I hate to interrupt your cozy little chat, but how is an armored Porsche going to help us get out of here?"

Poor Edward, he was so out of his depth. I bet he wished I would never have come back. "What we're going to do is run out of here, weapons at the ready and jump in the car. Then we take off like a bat out of hell and hope we lose them."

"I still don't see how it's going to help."

Now Jake jumped into the conversation. "Anything short of fifty cal if going to bounce off of that puppy. And the top tested speed of that particular body type is 155 miles per hour. Of course we won't be hitting that speed with all the extra weight the upgrades put on it, but we will still be hauling some major ass."

"Edward, do you have a copy of the formula and your research here at the house?"

"Yeah, that's one of the reasons I have so much security here."

"Good, get it while I initiate the virus I put into your company's computers."

"What? Why would you do that?"

"A little extra insurance. If the research is wiped out and you have the only copy, they are more likely to let us go. I also have some information that they want to keep secret that will be released if I get killed, but you can never be too safe."

I turned to Jake as a sudden, horrible realization hit me. "Oh, my God, Billy!"

He had a look of calm reassurance on his face. He was definitely a cool customer. "He and Rachael are already on their way to my sister, Rebecca's place in Hawaii. I have a couple of friends there that will watch over them. Looks like I'm going to have to activate my insurance policy as well. Oh, well. No fear, no doubt, all in balls out."

I just nodded, happy that his family was secure. "Okay, Edward, go get the data."

As Edward went to get the data I opened up the bags and started pulling out weapons and explosives.

"Damn, you really thought this out, didn't you?"

"In the immortal words of Lord Baden-Powell, be prepared."

He laughed and gave me a reason. "I knew there was a reason I loved you so much."

I dropped my chin to my chest and let out a sigh of exasperation. I really wish he didn't say that. "Look, Jake, you don't have to do this. We could tie you up; say we got the drop on you before you realized we were wearing body armor."

He shook his head. "They'll never believe it. Besides, it's time I gave this shit up. Maybe I'll shack up with a stripper and have a couple of curtain climbers."

I smiled at him. "You'd make an excellent dad. I always thought that."

He smiled back. "Too bad things turned out they way they did. We would have some gorgeous ass kids."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes we would have." I put my hand on his face and gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. "Thank you, Sunny."

He just nodded his head and turned back to getting the weapons ready. "I've always said I'd go to hell and back for you if you asked no matter what state our relationship was in and I mean it today like I meant it the first time I said it."

I could hear the emotion in his voice and I had to fight back tears. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. He returned the squeeze and then we let go of each other. There were no more words to say. We would be going our separate ways. This was our last good-bye.

Edward came running out of his office with a large briefcase that I assumed was filled with his research. "There are four guys coming up the driveway with pistols with silencers and lasers on them."

"We call them suppressors, hon."

"Whatever you call them they still shoot fucking bullets."

Jake grabbed one of the MP-7's and worked the action to load it. "Well boys and girls it looks like its fun time."

I grabbed the MP-5K I had showed him how to work earlier and handed it to Edward. "Only shoot if someone is between you and the Porsche. Let us handle the bad guys. Your job is to run like hell, get into the back seat and shoot any mother fucker besides us who tries to get in. Got it?"

He numbly took the weapon and nodded his head. I was surprised he still had enough of his wits about him that he primed the weapon for use just like I showed him. Maybe he would make it through this intact, mentally and physically.

I grabbed the other MP-7 and threw what we weren't going to use back in the bag. "What do you think, Jake, flash-bangs or frags?"

"Flash-bangs. Don't want make bring the market value of the house too far down."

I shook my head and threw him two of the distraction and clipped two to my harness. "Okay, Edward, after Jake throws the grenades he will go out first, then you, and I'll be behind you. Got it?"

He just nodded his head with a look of terror on his face. Jake patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry; we do this shit all the time. Just pretend you're in an action movie. I'm Arnold, Bella's Angelina Jolie, and you're Bruce Willis. Everything will be fine."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was such a funny man. I was going to miss him in my life. I grabbed the duffle bag and crouched by the door, my hand on the knob. Jake took up a crouching position behind me, flash-bang ready to throw. "Okay, let's get ready to rock-n-roll."

Edward went to grab the bags with our clothes in them. "Leave them, Edward. The only things that go out with us are the weapons bag and your research."

He nodded and took up position behind Edward. His knuckles were white on the pistol grip of his weapon. It reminded me the first time I had shots fired at me in anger. I thought I was going to puke and piss my pants at the same time. I wonder if he felt the same way.

Just before I was about to open the door Jake let out a laugh. "This is the point in the movie where the faithful Indian sidekick says 'today's a good day to die'. I always thought that was the most stupid fucking thing to say before you enter combat. You should say something like, 'today's a good day to get drunk and laid'. You know, give the troops something positive to look forward to."

I couldn't help but laugh. Edward did to. And I saw his grip on the weapon lightened up. Jake sure knew how to cut the tension.

"Okay, we go on three."

"Wait, do we go on three or do you say go after three?

I just shook my head. "See what you started, Mister Wiseass?"

Jake smiled and turned towards Edward. "Not bad, Cullen. You have the makings of a top notch operator."

"Enough of the comedy routine. Let's do this before the bad guys are knocking on the fucking door, shall we?"

"Let's rock-n-roll, Little Miss Sunshine."

I just shook my head at Jake and then counted off. I pulled open the door and Jake pitched out the first grenade, followed quickly by the second. He jump back and I closed the door but kept my hand on the knob. The grenades went off, I pulled the door open again and Jake charged out. I yelled come on to Edward and followed after him.

Flash-bang grenades were designed for use indoors during hostage rescues. The idea is to recreate the noise and confusion caused by an anti-personnel grenade with out the lethal effects so it would daze and confuse the Tangos but not harm the hostages. They lose their effectiveness outdoors but they still do accomplish their intended purpose. People, especially trained soldiers, tend to duck for cover when cylindrical objects are thrown at them and while the effects of the blinding light and the noise are diminished outside, they do distract the Tangos for a few seconds. And in combat a few seconds can literally be a lifetime.

I beeped open the Porsche and started returning fire at our attackers. Jake had already taken two of them out but I could already see more running to the surprisingly open gate.

Edward looked like an Olympic sprinter as he headed to the car and jumped into the back seat. I took out the remaining two Tangos then Jake and I joined him. I hit the ignition and the beast growled to life. Throwing into drive I floored it and tore ass down the drive.

The second team of Tangos was heading up the drive and opened fire on us but they were soon diving for cover as I barreled through them. They kept firing at us but their rounds just kept pinging off of the Porsche.

"Everybody okay? Anyone hit?" I asked at fever pitch as I kept an eye on the action behind us.

"I'm okay. Scared shitless, but I'm okay." Edward called from the backseat.

"I'm good."

Something in Jake's voice told me that he was anything but 'good'. I turned toward him and saw that he was holding his hand over his left pec and slightly under his arm. And it was covered in blood. "Jesus fucking Christ, Jake, your hit!"

He rolled his head towards me and gave me one of his big toothy grins. "It's only a flesh wound."

Edward poked his head over the seat. "What is it with you quoting movies where the character dies? It's a good thing you got a doctor in the backseat. Is there any chance we can pull over long enough to get him back here so I can check him out?"

I looked in the rearview mirror and didn't see anyone yet. I pulled over onto the side of the 101. "There's a trauma bag in the back. Make it quick."

Edward pulled the medical kit out of the cargo area and then jumped out to help Jake into the backseat. Jake got out and crashed to the ground as he was opening the back door. "Sunny!"

Edward ran over to him and started to help Jake into the car. "Christ, he's a big boy." He grunted.

"Just get him in the car. Our friends are almost here." I panicked as I kept looking back.

He got him into the car but our pursuers were getting closer by the second. "C'mon, Edward, hurry up and get in."

Then he did something I would never picture Edward doing. He grabbed the MP-5 and unloaded a magazine into the speeding van bearing down on us. It veered off the road and crashed into the trees but there was another pursuit vehicle right behind it. He then jumped it the car. "Go! Go! Go!"

I hit the gas and we shot off like a rocket. "What the fuck was that all about?"

"Well, Jake said act like it was an action movie so I thought, 'what would Bruce Willis do in this situation?', and of course the answer was shoot the shit out of the bad guys' car."

Jake let out a coughing laugh. "That's my boy."

"Don't encourage him. Okay, get to work on Jake while I try to lose these assholes."

I opened the Porsche to about a hundred and twenty but the bad guys were still on our tail, and worse, gaining. Luckily we were coming up on Shuwah, a town even smaller than Forks, if you could believe that. The good thing about Shuwah though was that just to the east of its main road lie hundreds of miles of off-road trails. The Cayenne would be on its home turf while the sports cars following us would be at a major disadvantage.

I glanced in the rearview to check on our friends and was instantly horrified at what I saw. "Hang on!"

I slammed on the brakes and cut the wheel to the left and we were suddenly facing the chase cars. There was an explosion where the Porsche should have been. The mother fuckers had a grenade launcher. Well two can play that game.

I hit the gas and opened my window, sticking the MP-7 out and letting off a few bursts. "Edward! Reach back into the red bag and pull out the thumper and the bandolier of rounds."

"What?!"

"Grenade launcher, it looks like a giant pump shotgun. You ever see Ronin? De Niro used one in the chase scene where they first go after the box."

"Oh, okay."

Thank God for men and their love of all things De Niro. "Just hurry up. Things are going to get ugly."

Luckily they weren't really prepared for my change of direction and we were able to get through them.

"Okay, got it."

"Good. Now pull out the stock and get out one of the gold-tipped rounds and load it into the launcher. Keep the safety on and hand it to Jake to hold while you work on him. Hang on though; it's going to get bumpy."

I had remembered a road that led to the network of trail behind Shuwah so I headed for it. I made a sliding left onto it and headed up it in hopes of losing our friends.

Unfortunately they were still right behind us. "Edward, I need you to lean out the window and fire the launcher at them. Just aim down the barrel at the middle of the hood and shoot."

He wordlessly nodded his head and did as he was told. He was getting used to this shit frightenly quick.

The driver of the pursuit vehicle predictably hit the brake but unlike me he didn't have room to swerve and turn the car. The high explosive shell hit the bumper of the car, blowing the shit out of it and blocking the car behind it from following us.

"You got him, Edward!"

"Nice shooting, Tex." Came Jake's muffled reply from the backseat.

"Thanks." He leaned over the seat so his mouth was near my ear. "We need to get him to a hospital, Bella. It looks like the bullet came at an angle where it was deflected off of a rib, but it hit it with enough force to shatter it. There's a good chance there are splinters in or near the lungs and heart. All this bouncing isn't going to help him."

I did this. I put my Sunny's life in danger. I as much put the bullet into him myself. Why did he have to keep getting hurt because of me?

"Snap out of it, Bella. There will be time for recriminations later. You need to slow down and we need to get him to a hospital."

"No hospital. At least not until we get to Victoria . I'll be alright, Bells." I could hear the strain in his voice and it broke my heart even more to know he was in pain.

"You might not make it to Victoria, Jake." I shouted as I looked over my shoulder at him.

"Thems the brakes then, Eddie. If I go to a hospital in Port Angles I'll bring unwanted heat on you. I have a buddy in Victoria who can get me x-rayed without filing any paper work. I've used him before."

I slammed my hand on the dashboard. "Dammit, Jake, if Edward says you go to the hospital, you're fucking going."

He let out a laugh and started coughing again. There was blood on his lips. "When have I ever done what you've told me to do, Bells?"

"You promised me hell and _back, _Sunny. I can't lose you like this."

"Find a spot where we can pull over. I'll start him on an IV. The Hextend will help with the blood loss. The hemostatics in the dressings should stop the wound from bleeding completely. The only thing we have to worry about is internal bleeding."

"See, Bells? You won't loose me." He half smiled his blood tinted lips.

"Promise?" I asked with a lump in my throat.

"With all of my heart."

We pulled over into a little clearing and Edward put the IV in as I watched the road with the grenade launcher in case they moved the wreckage enough to get around it. Edward made quick work of it and we were back on our way, albeit a lot slower. I wasn't taking any chances with Jakes health.

We were soon on the 101 again and quickly made it into Port Angles with a half hour to wait for the ferry. That was going to be an agonizingly long time to wait given Jake's condition and the fact that there was a gang of blood thirsty killers looking for us.

We were about three blocks away from the ferry terminal when two cars pulled in front of us, blocking our way. Two guys with grenade launchers were coming out of the cars. "Son of a bitch! They beat us here."

I threw the car into reverse and turned down an alley before either of them could get a shot. Still going backwards, of course. Here's where the Company's Evasive Driving training pays off. "Get the MP-5 ready, Edward. It's going to be action hero time real quick."

"Yippee-ki-yay, Cullen. Time for more fun and games."

Both Edward and I let out a laugh. Nothing ever seemed to get Jake down.

When we hit the next street I spun the car so we were heading towards the piers again and jetted forward. We missed colliding with one of the chase cars by inches. I guess they weren't expecting me so soon since it took them a couple seconds to recover and turn after us. That might be all we needed.

I reached into the center console and pulled out a baggy that contained all of Edward's new ID's, some cash, and a disposable cell phone. "Here, take this. Use the U.S. passport first. Then jump onto a bus to Seattle and go to the address on the folded piece of paper. There's a key taped to the paper and the security code. Use the Canadian passport on your way back. I'll call you when it's safe to meet."

"You're acting like I'm actually going to leave you."

"Dammit, Edward! I'm doing this to save your fucking life! When we get to the terminal you jump out and run like hell to the ticket office. Then get on the ferry and follow the rest of my directions."

"No, I won't leave you. You'll do something stupid."

I have to say he still knew me well. "I promise I'll be okay. Jake won't let me get hurt."

"Damn straight told."

"Bella, I…"

"Please just do what I tell you."

I watched in the mirror as he hung his head in resignation. "Okay."

"Good. Now if you don't here from me in two days…" His head snapped up and his eyes were wide with terror. "Calm down, it's just a precaution. If you don't hear from me in two days, pick a visa from any countries in the bag and head there as soon as possible. Don't stay in one hotel more than two days. I'll call you as soon as I can."

We pulled up to the terminal and I screeched to a halt. "Now go."

He reached over the seat and gave me a sensual kiss. "I never stopped loving you, Bella, and I never will."

"I've never stopped loving you either."

"I hate to interrupt you lovebirds but we better get a move on the bad guys are on their way."

Edward gave me one more quick kiss and ran off for the ferry. I threw it into reverse and spun around, heading directly towards the bad guys. "Well, Sunny, looks like we're going to play Butch and Sundance one more time."

"Only as long as I'm Paul Newman. Robert Redford's a pussy."

I laughed as he hauled himself over to the window and leaned out with the thumper and put a round right into the windshield of one of the cars. I swerved to avoid the flaming wreckage and bumped into the other car, causing it to crash into a parked car. I slammed on the braked and backed up to the car. We both jumped out and opened fire on the car. Unfortunately they were able to get a few rounds off and one clipped me in the shoulder.

We got back into the car, with Jake now in the front seat, and I was happy to see that the ferry was leaving early. They probably thought it was a terrorist attack and decided discretion was the better part of valor.

As we pulled out of the parking lot two more cars careened towards us.

"Shit, more bad guys."

"Head east. There's an old warehouse at the end of the road that we can use as cover."

"Wouldn't it be better to stay in the Porsche?"

"Trust me; it will be better in the warehouse."

"How will becoming stationary targets instead of moving targets improve our chances against guys with grenade launchers?"

He gave me another one of his big toothed smiles. "Have I ever steered you wrong before?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "You want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?"

"Chronological. This way well be on the same page as our lives' flash before our eyes."

"Well, first there was the time you dared me to kiss Johnny Robles, which was disgusting by the way, and then there was the cliff jumping incident, and…"

"I was joking, Bells. And you can't count the Robles thing. Quil dared me to dare you so that doesn't count."

We arrived at the warehouse and the bad guys were hot on our tail. "What now, oh wise one?"

"Park the car in front of the door but face the hood towards the bad guys so we can use the doors as cover."

I did what I was told and then jumped out of the car and started to fire at our pursuers. Jake grabbed the bags out of the back seat and headed towards the door. I was surprised as hell when he produced a key and opened the door. He threw the bags inside and opened the rear door. He took those bags out and put them in the warehouse too.

"Grab your papers and get inside."

I grabbed the baggie with my fake ID's and turned toward the door when a round from the cleaning crew ricocheted off of the pavement and hit me in the calf. I fell to the ground and then the next second I'm in Jakes arms and we're in the warehouse.

"Stay here. I have a gift for our friends." He reached into one of the bags and pulled out a one-pound block of C-4 with a radio command detonator attached. He must have done that while I was driving.

He left the door open and I watched at he started to push the Porsche toward the bad guys. Luckily the pavement sloped down towards them and it started to pick up speed.

Jake turned and ran back to the door. Just as he was coming through it he arched his back and grimaced in pain. He had been shot again.

He pushed the door shut, grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into an office just nearby the door. We entered it and ducked behind a desk. As we did Jake hit the fire button on the control box and the Porsche went bye-bye.

Jake went to stand up after the shock wave passed but promptly fell back down onto his ass. "Well, gravity is still working at least." He coughed and a large amount of blood came out of his mouth. He smiled and it looked horrendous, blood all over his teeth, lips, and chin. "I guess they changed to armor piercing ammo."

Tears ran down my cheeks as I took in the grizzly sight. My world was shattering piece by piece as it became more and more apparent that I would be losing my personal sun because of something I did.

"Hey, you're crying. There's no crying in professional killing. Plus Bella Swan never cries."

"The Killer Queen never cries. Bella Swan, on the other hand, apparently does all the time." I couldn't help but let out a sobbing laugh.

"I'm glad Bella's back. I missed her."

"So did I. Let's get out of here before they charge the door."

"Sounds like a good plan. Let's grab the bags and head to the back door. I got an armored up Explorer we can take up the coast road to the marina. I have a boat waiting for us there."

"We couldn't just go straight there and save us all this grief? Not to mention not blowing up my new car."

"We needed to put some space between then and us. And what's the big deal? It's not like you paid for it. I'll buy you a new one if you were that attached to it."

"So not the point."

"Let's just get the hell out of here, shall we."

We exited the warehouse and entered a garage. We threw the bags into the Hummer and took off. The tell-tale sound of gunfire let us know our pursuers weren't all crispy critters.

"Where am I going once I get to the marina?"

"You want the dock on the left as you're pulling in. It's a blue and white Bayliner with Swan Princess on the stern."

I looked over at him and gave him the 'what the fuck' look. "Really, Jake?"

"What? It's already been established that I'm crazy in love with you and do stupid shit like this."

"That's getting stalker-ish, Jake."

"No, stalker-ish is when I bugged your house and put a tracker on your car when we first broke up."

I was about to yell at him when there suddenly was gunfire bouncing off of the truck. I look around but couldn't see anyone. Then I heard the helicopter.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. A fucking helicopter? What did I do to deserve them going ape shit on me like this? It's like half of the fucking organization is after me."

"Maybe Aro has a crush on you and he's mad you spurned him."

I just ignored Jake and pressed my foot on the accelerator. I started weaving so in case they had a thumper he couldn't get a good bead on me.

As if I had wished it upon myself there was an explosion and the truck was suddenly on its roof. I hung there upside down for a few second, trying to get my bearing. I turned to see if Jake was ok and saw that he was already out of his seat and facing towards the passenger window. It looked like he wasn't buckled in when we were hit.

The helicopter came to a hover on Jake's side, getting ready to drop off a team to make sure we were dead. I then head a 'thump' and the helicopter exploded. "Get your cute ass down and get the hell out of here, Bells. Crawl through the back window and grab a bag on the way."

I tried to move my left arm to brace myself only to find out that it was dislocated. I unbuckled the seatbelt and hung onto the belt to ease myself down. I started towards the back of the truck and felt blood trickling down my face. I reached up and felt a gash in my forehead. I must have got hit in the head by something flying around the cab. I threw one of the bags out the door and turned back to look for Jake. He wasn't moving.

"Jake!" I crawled back inside and was greeted by a smile when I got to him.

"Looks like I'm going to have to break my promise, Bells. I guess there has to be a first time for everything. It looks like I won't be coming back from this one. You have to go to the boat alone."

The tears started again, shamelessly pouring out of my eyes. "No, I'm not going anywhere without you. I won't let you die alone. I owe you at least that much."

"The only thing that you owe me, Bella, is to live and be happy. I had no choice but to love you."

"I always knew you had no sense of self preservation."

"People who are sensible about love are incapable of it."

I kissed him on the forehead. "Then you must be the person most capable of loving in the world.

We both laughed, but then Jake started coughing up more blood. "Go, Bells. Live for me."

I laid my head on his chest, my arm wrapped around him and cried. He ran his hand through my hair and shushed me. "It's okay. I'll get to be with my mom again. Just do me a favor and check on Billy once in a while, would you?"

"Of course."

"I hate to break up this touching moment but we need to get you guys the hell out here."

"Mike! What the hell are you doing here?"

"You didn't think we'd abandon you in your moment of need did you? Although it was tempting after you shot us."

Mike reached in and started pulling Jake through the passenger side window. I scrambled out the back and went around to help him, bringing two bags and the medical kit with me. We got him to the SUV Mike had and I was surprised to see Jessica in the backseat. She reached over, careful not to lean on her bad knee, which I suddenly felt really guilty about, and helped pull Jake into the truck.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I should have never called you and got you involved in this."

"Its okay, Jess. You did the right thing. Bella needed all of us on this one."

Jess turned to me and at the same time we both said I'm sorry. We laughed and then went back to the tasks at hand: getting the hell out of here and helping Jake, which she started to do.

"Head for the marina, Mike. Jake has a boat waiting for us there."

He took off just as two SUV's turned onto the coast road. "Shit, we got company."

"I see them." He gave the truck more gas and we started to pull away from them.

We got to the dock the boat was at and I jumped out and grabbed the bags. "Get Jake to the hospital and then get the hell out of the country. They'll be after you next."

"No, they won't."

I turned to see that Mike had his pistol drawn and it was pointed at my head. "Sorry, Bella. It's just business."

I smiled at him. "Sure it is."

Then a mist of blood erupted out of the side of Mike's head and he slumped to the ground. Jake was pulling himself out of the truck. "I never did trust those two."

I looked in through the door and Jessica lying on the floor, her head at an unnatural angle. "The bitch tried to shiv me so I broke her fucking neck."

We made our way to the boat as quickly as we could, which wasn't all that quick. After we cast off Jake took the controls and we pulled away from the slip as gunfire erupted from the bad guys.

He locked the wheel and put the throttle at full. He handed me a dive bag. "Remember two things, Bella Swan. I've always loved you and I will never stop."

He pushed me backward and I fell off of the boat. Almost as soon as I hit the water the boat exploded.

My personal sun had set.


	23. Chapter 23 Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **Hopefully by this time you know who owns it because I sure as hell don't own it.

**A/N:** This is indeed the end. The saga of Bella Swan, Killer Queen, has come to an end. I thank all of you that have come along for the ride and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm going to miss tough as nails Bella.

Of course, special thanks to my dog and moose loving Amish friend, Hope4more, because without her help this story would have sucked. She is an amazing friend and outstanding author who should get off her butt and start writing her new story again. Go read her award winning story Hand Me Down right after you finish this one. Trust me, you won't be disappointed. Awesome doesn't begin to describe it.

And last but certainly not least, a huge shout out to my loyal reviewers. You gals mean the world to me. I thank you for all your support from the bottom of my heart.

Okay, enough of my blubbering. Now on with the show. Enjoy-Bob

Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving. Live! Live! Live! -_ Mame Dennis, _Auntie Mame

________________________________________________________________________

I sat on the deck of our house that looked over the beautiful white sand beach of the island we had been living on for the last year and watched the sun slowly sink into the ocean. In my hand was a virgin pina colada, which was ironic since I used to unmercifully make fun of people who drank frou-frou drinks with alcohol, never mind virgins. But since I had quit drinking they were my guilty pleasure. I also had a Shirley Temple addiction but I won't get into that.

It was the fifth anniversary of Sunny's death and as usual I spent sunset, our favorite time of the day together, on the beach thinking of him. It was the only day of the year I let myself mourn for him. I lifted the letter he had left for me in a baggie in the dive bag he gave me that day from the table. He had written _swim to the point by Mount Pleasant_ _and then_ _read me_ on the baggie. Like so many other times in my life Jake had not steered me wrong on that day so I followed his directions unfailingly. I unfolded the well creased paper and started to re-read it, which was always a custom on this day.

_Dearest Bella, _

_If you are reading this it means that you chose Cullen over your own safety, which comes as a surprise to no one. It also unfortunately means that I am probably__dead. And that sucks. I really wanted to see that new Jack Black movie. _

_First off, let's get the business out of the way. My Rabbit is at the end of North Ridge View Drive and the key is in the baggie. Use it to drive to your safe house. _

_Just in case you did something stupid like send Cullen on the ferry alone, my friend Seth in Victoria will be waiting for him and he will make sure he gets to __Seattle__ in one piece. You really need to get your shit together if you did that, Bells. I think your hitting the sauce too hard and you're not thinking things all the way through like you used to._

_There is a cd in the bag with all my financial info and my insurance policy against Aro and his asshole cronies. Use them both as you see fit. My legitimate estate will provide for my family but if for some reason there's a problem with that, see that they are taken care of until that goes through. Otherwise, the money is yours._

_Now onto the sappy Chick Flick shit .As you know I've loved you since the first day we met when we were four at the Butterfly Garden in Victoria. You had the most beautiful chocolate colored eyes, wavy chestnut hair, and adorable chubby cheeks. You gave me half of your ice cream when I dropped mine and started crying. We were best friends from that moment on._

_As we got older the friendship grew, as did my love for you. I had always thought that we would get married and have a half- dozen kids. At least we got past the 'just friends' stage and tried to go down that road. I guess it just wasn't in the cards for us._

_Please don't feel sorry what had happened between us. The years we were together were the best of my life. I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. Sure, I wanted more, but it just wasn't meant to be and I accept that now._

_There is something that I need you to promise me that you will do. Be happy and live life to the fullest. Enjoy every minute you can with Cullen. You, better than anyone, know how mercurial life can be, here one second, gone the next. Forget everything that happened between you two before. Don't dwell on what we had and lost, or even mourn my death. The past is dead. Never be afraid of love again. Give him your whole heart and never stop enjoying your life together. Live, be happy._

_Every now and then try to catch the sunset on a beach. I'll be there watching it with you._

_Forever yours, Sunny._

I couldn't help but cry, which I did every time I read it. But it was the only time I cried for Sunny now. The first month or so afterwards I was a basket case but Edward got me through that and helped me realize Sunny wanted me to celebrate his life, not mourn it. He told me Sunny gave us a gift and we shouldn't squander it. We needed to enjoy it.

The sun was just about gone and I felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around me. He gave me my space every year to do what I needed to do, but then he always knew when it was ok to come be with me. He missed Jake just like I did; he realized all that he gave up for me, for us. After the sun was completely erased from the horizon my husband lent me a hand and helped me up from my chair. It was more difficult now in my 7th month of pregnancy. As Edward grabbed my hand and started to lead me back, I looked over my shoulder and mumbled, "I love you and miss you Sunny."

I headed into the house and was almost run over by our four year old son, Edward Jacob, or EJ as we called him. It seemed that the damage done to me all those years ago had healed up and I was able to get pregnant. That first night together we hit the jackpot. We weren't intimate again for little over a month afterwards, due to my depression and injuries but by that time I was already late and the stick had a positive sign. And with that I quit drinking for the sake of our baby and myself. I didn't need hide from myself anymore.

EJ had my leg in a death grip. He looked up at me, his doe eyes wide with concern and his copper hair as unruly as his father's. "Don't cry, mommy. I don't like it when you're sad."

I picked him up and gave him a smacking kiss. "I don't like it either, baby. Let's get you ready for your bath."

Edward came over and took the little cutie into his arms. "I'll do it, hon. I think you and Reneseme need to relax a little more." He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

I smiled as he took our little miracle boy to the bathroom, blowing raspberries on his tummy the whole time. Edward had built a clinic on the island for the locals and it had a state of the art prenatal unit so we had a sonogram done and found out we were having a girl. We combined the names of our mothers and fathers and decided to name her Reneseme Carlie Cullen. We already planned on calling her Nessie, which Jake always called me whenever I used my Vanessa identity with him. It was one more thing to honor his sacrifice for us.

Sitting down on the couch, another fun thing to do when you had a beach ball for a stomach, I looked back on our lives the last five years. After we met back at my safe house in Seattle we headed for Brazil. From there we hopped around the globe until EJ was born. Then we started staying in places for months at a time until we ended up here in our little Pacific paradise.

We didn't have trouble until about a year later when they realized we weren't dead. While we were in Nepal we ran into an operative and I had to kill him. I contacted the organization and laid out the idea that if they didn't call off the dogs we would publish Edward's research and the formula on the internet. Not to mention some of the pictures Jake had of Aro and Caius in a very compromising position with each other. We haven't had a problem since.

Everywhere we went Edward and I would help out the local clinic. He excelled at helping kids and was happy to get back into 'real' medicine again where he could see the results of his work right away, not years down the road. I usually just took vitals and handed out candy. I was alright with that, though. We made a difference and gave back.

I sent a letter to Billy explaining what happened and how I wish we could keep in touch. We had been like family and needed to fix that. Jake's death showed us how short life could be. We now talk to each other on Christmas, Jake's birthday, and EJ's birthday as well.

I had set up a trust for the family and donated the rest of the money Jake left me to the reservation. La Push was now the proud owners of the Jacob Black Memorial Youth Vocational Services and Recreation Complex. I think Sunny would be proud.

Some of the sadness I always felt on this day started to sweep over me again so I got up and waddled over to the bathroom. I opened the door and watched my two boys play in the water. I couldn't help but smile and be happy when I saw the two of them together.

I tried my best to uphold the promise Sunny had asked of me. I lived life to the fullest and would not let the past rule me anymore. I enjoyed every minute I had with Edward and my soon to be expanded family. Sunny was once my ray of light, but Edward was now my beacon that called me home. I lived and was happy.

And that was the greatest way I could think of to honor my Sunny.


End file.
